A good and loyal wife from the Philippines

  Thoughts of the good and loyal woman - the ideal Filipina wife - have had me thinking over the last few days. I have an old mate from NZ whom I’ve known for……no idea. 16, 17, 18 years or so. I used to run an online advice forum many years ago when I was first involved with Filipina ladies, and Ted was one of my fellow moderators. Sensible and logical man, with a long-standing marriage to a Filipina lady. Well, he sent me photos of his grandson the other day. Been married to Raquel for 38 years! A bit more than most of us. He used to tell me some really amazing stories about his wife’s family in the Philippines, and the ends they went to trying to extract money from them. And he had and still does have some choice stories of men he knows who married real gold-diggers who put the needs of family in Philippines first and their marriage second.    

But he coped, and whilst my relatives aren’t nearly as bad I cope too with some of the problems that come up with attempted users-and-abusers and just those annoying situations caused by coarse manners and those unavoidable cross-cultural clashes because Ted and I have one thing in common. We both married GOOD women, who are completely loyal! Woe betide the relative who tries to pull the wool over Mila’s eyes. (Why am I saying Kiwi things like “choice” and mentioning wool??)  

A loyal Filipina wife – the essential basis

There are a million expressions out there about loyal wives, and how they can either make or break a man. And gentlemen, wasn’t that one of the factors that steered us toward the Philippines in the first place? The stories of the decent, family-oriented Filipina ladies who weren’t man-haters who would run to the divorce lawyer at the first sign of how “the magic had gone” from the marriage? That being the case, why do so many end up with women who put the family in the Philippines first? Where’s the loyalty in that?? I can remember a friend of Mila’s in Hong Kong. I met her before Mila and I married. She told Mila she didn’t like me, because I wanted to know what was going on! Her idea of the ideal “foreigner” was the one who kept his mouth shut and his wallet open! Her plan was to marry a western man, and that they would both work. His salary would take care of her and any children she had with him, and hers would go straight to the family. She was pretty, but my goodness! Happy to say she never married a white fellah, and ended up in the provinces with a local chap. Mila? First job in Australia? Told me of all the plans she had for new curtains etc in our home! And to this day, she is actually less generous to her family than I am! They all learned long ago that her response would always be “I’ll talk to my husband about that, and we’ll let you know.” Either that, or she just ignores the request and I never even know about it if it’s really unreasonable. And yes, I feel incredibly lucky…..as I should. No doubt Ted feels exactly the same, and has no regrets at finding his good woman all those years ago. I envy nobody at all! She has my back absolutely. She understands me. She believes in me. She spoils me rotten, no question. My best friend, and my soulmate. But whilst I know how lucky I am, isn’t it just plain reasonable to expect this as a basis for a good marriage and a good life?  

Marrying the whole Filipino family

I detest this expression, because it’s used for the wrong reasons. This is the one that men with DIS-loyal Filipina wives use as a justification of their predicament! Yes, they are her family, and she will always love them and care about them. It’s also a country full of poverty and without those safety nets that Aussies take for granted. Get sick, and you don’t have a Medicare card. No Health Care Card if you are on a pension, and there are no standard pensions or “dole” that people can fall back on like Australians come to expect. No one should expect her to sit back and let her family wallow in misery, obviously. What I’m talking about though is the share-the-wealth mentality that says if one family member strikes it rich, everyone gets to share. Nonsense! It may surprise many an Aussie that it’s not just Australian husbands in Australian Filipina relationships who run afoul of the disloyal Filipina wife who puts her Filipino family first. This even happens within Filipino marriages. We have a few family members who have wives who’ve spent their working lives supporting lazy siblings. Some have ended up at the end of their working lives with nothing, and there are others who have some nasty little surprises waiting for them when they get their very last pay packet!   My best advice is to set your standards high. Loyalty is a reasonable request. Give your wife your total loyalty, and expect the same in return. Wives, please do the same. Let your relatives know where you stand, and that it’s side by side with your husband as you should. They will have no choice but to accept it. If they get unpleasant, distance yourselves. You have each other, and that matters most of all.  

The following post A good and loyal wife from the Philippines was first published to Filipina Wives Marriage Advice Blog

How to treat your Australian man – 2018 Update

  There is an expression that goes around saying that “When you marry a Filipina, you marry the whole family”. I cringe a bit at the expression, because it’s something used by that very passive Australian man who accepts everything that comes from his new Filipino family without ever arguing. I think that everyone who knows me knows that I love the Philippines and Filipino people, otherwise why would I live here? And I try as much as I can to treat my Filipino family with kindness and respect, however it is a two-way street. I'm very patient and understanding, but only up to a point! Respect and understanding must flow both ways, or it ends badly.    

  But yes, if you do marry a Filipina, her family will play a part in both your lives because Filipinos are generally close to their family and their family members are rarely in the background. But this article is for the purposes of trying to help Filipinas AND their families to learn and to also adjust to the inevitable changes. Just as your family will be in his life, he will be in your life and their lives too. And as your husband, they need to understand and accept that their dealings with you are also dealings with him. And out of kindness and respect, you AND your Filipino family need to understand some important things about Australian men.  

Australians want to be accepted

Australians are egalitarian by nature. It means we treat everyone as an equal, and want to be treated the same. The kindest thing you can do is to treat him as a member of the family, and not as someone different. Filipinos use the word “foreigner”. In Australia, this is an insulting word because it says that this person does not belong. If you have a piece of glass or a splinter in your foot, it is a “foreign body” that you want to remove. Call an Australian a “foreigner” and treat him as one, as this is how you make him feel.   Let me explain some of the things over the years that have made me feel unwelcome • Filipinos who CAN speak English, speaking in Tagalog or their own dialect in front of me. • Filipinos avoiding talking to me, or being near me, or even greeting me when they visit, and claiming that they “feel shy”. If you value the feelings of the Australian family member, you should make a strong effort to get over your shyness. Shyness is often just laziness. • Answering my questions by speaking to my wife or another Filipino instead, because it’s easier for them. Also not discussing things with me that directly affect me. • I get very little of this one, because I have a very loyal wife. But I know it happens where family members try to persuade the Filipina wife to do things (especially regarding money) without discussing it with the Australian husband.   My relatives are basically a good and decent lot, and we fortunately have few of the ones who constantly have their hands out for money. And most of those attempts fail, because Mila is a tough  character. And they will do anything for us, and definitely never forget their utang. But yes, I felt like a foreigner when I first arrived on their doorstep many years ago, and I still do. I will tell you what I particularly love about Filipino children here. They see me as who I am and barely notice racial or cultural differences. I have adult family members who know nothing about me, regardless of how many years I’ve been around. I have one brother-in-law and his wife who treat me as their brother, and this means so much to me. And the kids get me very easily. But I also have relatives who will visit us, arriving and leaving via our back gate, and they can be here for several days without me even knowing they are here. I’ve since taken charge of the key to the back gate and made it clear that if they don’t have the good manners to arrive via my front door, to look me in the eye and to shake my hand (the men, that is), then I don’t want them coming here. They would never do that at a Filipino’s house. Shyness is no excuse for bad manners and a lack of respect.  

Filipinos? How to treat an Australian in-law

This is for Filipino wives and family members - and this includes my own relatives! • Treat him like a human being, and not as a foreigner. And get to know him and who he actually is! You may even make a true friend! • Remember that despite his skin colour, his preference for English, his funny accent and his different customs, this is still your new in-law. He married your daughter/sister/niece. Give him the acceptance that is his right. • Wives? Your loyalty and your duty is to your husband and new family first. Don’t allow any relative to try to undermine that, and shame on any relatives who do anything that will weaken their marriage! • Speak English! There is nothing that excludes and isolates somebody like speaking in a language that they do not understand. Even if your English is poor, show some respect! No Australian will ever laugh at your poor English skills, which will always be better than his Tagalog skills! He knows this too. The brother-in-law I mentioned? He has just average English skills, especially now that he lives in Spain. But he will still sit next to me, and he will always greet me with a hug. • Wives? Your husband is not balato* for your family to share in. Keep money out of it, or it will go sour very quickly. Speaking for myself, I’m generous when it comes to welcoming guests (if they don’t arrive at the back gate!) and I’ve been very forthcoming when genuine emergencies happen. With the kids, we are especially generous and kind. But I find attempts to take advantage of us very hurtful when it comes from those who should be family. • And don’t judge him according to Filipino standards. Something he does may be bad manners by Filipino standards, yet perfectly normal for an Australian. Be assured that this works both ways, and hopefully he is also trying to understand Filipino differences without judging. Try to look for the intention behind the action or behavior. Are his intentions good? If so, let it go! (*“Balato” is a Filipino tradition of sharing winnings and good fortune with handouts to other family members)   Try it! Your lives will be much smoother and everyone will get fair treatment. I'm sure you all want this.   PLEASE NOTE: This is an update of a 2016 article    

The following blog post How to treat your Australian man – 2018 Update wasRead more at: Jeff Harvie of Down Under Visa

Philippines Medical Issues and Doctors

  Filipinos get sick like everybody else does. The Philippines itself is a crowded place, and probably the fact that there is less space between people means that people catch bugs regularly. So if you have a Filipina sweetheart, you will have to deal with her getting sick sometimes. And every Australian man in an Australian Filipina relationship needs to learn a few peculiarities about Philippines medical issues and doctors.    

 

Being OA – Over-Acting

I will tell everyone who asks that your average Filipina is a survivor and a pretty capable lady. Usually a pretty lady too, but that’s off-track. If she needs to stand in queues all day or take long bus trips or work long hours, yes she can do so. However if she feels unwell, will she put on a brave face and say the Tagalog equivalent of “She’ll be right!”? Not likely! Not with her man especially. She will moan and groan. She will cry easily. She may look like she’s about to fall off the perch. Then she will burp and say she feels better now! Don’t apply this rule-of-thumb to each and every situation, of course. You may miss something serious, and I don’t want you blaming poor Jeff for it! Take note that Filipina ladies love being fussed-over by a loving and caring man, so I do suspect that this may be part of it. But do yourselves a favour and learn the difference between a bit of OA, and a genuine need for medical attention. It can take you years to work out, let me tell you!  

Generic Medicine and Self-Prescribing

This is a country where you can buy most medicines over the counter at the pharmacy with no prescription. No strong painkillers or sedatives, but things like antibiotics? Most definitely. So people self-prescribe. Let me explain what’s wrong with that! Generic Medicine: What this means is cheap drugs with questionable quality coming in from China mostly. So whilst it may be the right drug, it might be ineffective on the disease. As far as I can gather, you can reasonably rely on the larger pharmacy chains. Need to avoid the generic medicine places. Relying on unqualified advice: Relying on the neighbor telling you that Amoxicillin will work, or taking what they took for their condition which surely must be the same as yours! If it’s the wrong medicine it simply won’t do anything, obviously. And the danger with antibiotics is the build-up of drug-resistant bacteria out there. I’ll explain that shortly! Only taking until you feel better: Very common scenario. Go to the chemist/pharmacy in the Philippines and ask for a particular medicine and they will ask you how many you want! Seriously! In Australia? You get the box, and with antibiotics you know you need to finish the entire course whether you feel better or not. Here? You get as many or as few as you can afford, and then stop. Common with blood pressure (hypertension) or “high blood” as it’s called here. People take the medicine when they feel bad, and stop taking it as soon as they feel better. Very dangerous!  

Drug-Resistant Organisms

I mentioned Amoxicillin before. It’s even available in some sari sari stores here, and it’s the stock standard antibiotic that most Filipino grandmas and helpful neighbors will suggest. And there are plenty of cheap generics around too. AND people may only take 3 – 4 of them when they get sick. Drug resistance means that if you go in to wipe out some bacteria with a weak dose of a broad-spectrum antibiotic (like Amoxicillin) and you wipe out half the population of bacteria, which ones do you think survive? The stronger ones, obviously. And if you keep using the same drug time and time again, then some of the surviving bacteria….the tough guys…..may manage to form genetic mutations which are totally unaffected by that drug. Your doctor will know when an organism is showing resistance, and will prescribe something else which is more likely to wipe out even the mutating tough-guy bacteria. In other words, minimum dosing with poor quality medicine just makes the bugs stronger and harder to control. A dangerous game for an amateur to play!  

Avoidance of doctors

I suppose much of this comes from being short of money. Remember that this is a country where there is no Medicare or Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme like there is in Australia. Going to the doctor costs money. Proper medication costs money. Blood tests, ECG’s, XRAYs, etc, these all cost money. So much of this would have come from a history of not being able to afford proper treatment, so you will generally find the scenario is something like this: “Ohhhh, aray ko! Masakit!.......” and the sounds of suffering. You say “You better go to the doctor!”, and you will get “Nooooooooo. No, not the doctor. No, I’ll be fine!” Sound familiar, gentlemen? Most of us know that most medical conditions can be treated and managed when you get onto them quickly. Many conditions left untreated can deteriorate and cause death, and this happens in the Philippines all the time. High blood pressure (hypertension, “high blood”): Often undiagnosed, and often unmedicated. Diets high in salt and high in fat play a part, and untreated can lead to strokes and heart attacks. Diabetes: Eating absurdly large quantities of rice, too much sugar, fried foods and assorted junk food. Untreated leads to amputations, blindness and plenty of other nasties. Breast cancer and cervical cancer: Ask your lady if she’s ever had a pap smear, or if she knows how to check her boobs for lumps? I bet the answer is NO. Ask her right now, and you may be in for a shock.   You put the hard yards in meeting a wonderful lady, developing a precious relationship and struggling through the visa minefield so you can lead a happy life. Make sure you take care of her and make sure she takes care of herself so you can enjoy each other for a very long time.    

The following blog post Philippines Medical Issues and Doctors wasRead more at: Filipina Wives

Bukas na lang! Impulsive Filipinos

  I write many an article about life in the Philippines and about understanding Filipino culture and mindset, and I can see a positive side to most things. Wonderful, kind-hearted people who have a lot to teach us hard-hearted “foreigners”, as I’m sure most involved in Australian Filipina relationships learn to realise. But this is one area where I must admit I find myself struggling to understand, and that is why Filipinos tend to act with impulsiveness with little to no thought of long-term ramifications and sometimes tragic results that hurt them more than anybody else.    

  “Bukas na lang” means “Ahhhh, leave it for tomorrow.” Let’s not think about it today. Again, I love this place and I love the Filipino people here. This is my home. But my goodness, I find this so difficult. What I’m talking about is Filipinos making decisions to suit right now, and to hell with the consequences. Sometimes this is tied-up with pride, hurt feelings, etc. See the previous article on “onion skin” and how easy it is for Filipinos to get their feelings hurt, and how this can lead to careless decisions. But it’s not just that. It applies to so many things. There’s a lack of forward planning, and decisions are made without considering consequences in the short or long term.  

Impulsive behavior - Filipinos AND Australians

We can all be impulsive. Our emotions and our hormones can make us do stupid things which we later regret. Those Australian men who’ve got themselves involved with a pretty girl who’s just plain wrong for them because her attractiveness made our brains switch off, yes I’m sure they (We? Yes, I’ve done it too!) can relate to the folly of impulsiveness. Fear can be a motivator too, ie. fear of losing what appears a great deal. If we’re angry we can say things we wouldn’t normally say. But most of the time we try not to do this, and we try to consider the medium and long terms. Filipinos though? I suppose maybe its emotion (ie fear, pride, love/desire, anger, embarrassment, etc) which motivates a lot of short-term decisions. There just seems to be less decisiveness in trying to avoid rash decisions than you will see in your average Aussie. Emotions tend to rule the day, and very little is done to fight this. Little in the way of internal struggle, or even useful advice beyond the clichéd mutterings of “He/she is not thinking of his/her future!”  

You are not thinking of your future!

Has everyone heard this one? This is what they say when the teenage girl drops out of college because she’s pregnant to her boyfriend. Their situation caused not only by sexual attraction, but by a lack of planning…..family planning! He didn’t bring condoms. She never insisted on them! But whether it’s that, or the kid simply not taking studies seriously, or tossing in a job opportunity because it meant would miss the family and friends, that’s the common response. Everyone says they were not “thinking of their future”, but this often lacks weight because the person who says it rarely thinks of their own future either. Before I came here permanently, and when I had just been a frequent visitor, I still thought mostly as an Aussie. How else could I? I grew up in Australia! In Australia I was always acutely aware of the “wolf at the door”. Always aware that the world was a scary place, and that it would eat you alive without you having security and stability. House….money in the bank….safety from the elements and from “bad guys”, etc. Yet Australia has safety nets that the Philippines doesn’t have. You can’t “get the dole” or be placed in a nice housing commission house if you find yourself on the street with no money. Here? No money and no house means you go hungry and you may sleep in the rain. Is that enough to motivate the average person, especially those with family to support, to work hard and to hang onto a job? Not necessarily. I can remember a job I had years ago in Sydney. Had wife and baby at home at the time. I was in my 20’s and it was the late 80’s. And no, I didn’t have a mullet hairstyle. I was just a whole lot slimmer. I had a manager at work insult me, and he did it in front of others. And I sat there and took it. Would have liked to have got up and told him to stick the job where the sun didn’t shine, but no I sat there in silence. Because if I had done so, I would have let my family down and our future plans to move up to QLD when we had enough money for a house deposit would have been put off for maybe years. And that would never have been OK.  

Here? Let’s think of some occasions of Filipinos not “thinking of their future”:

• Had a driver (with wife and two kids) try to side-swipe a motorbike in our car (with child passenger) because the motorbike driver had given him “the dirty finger”. I shouted at our driver and told him never to do a thing like that again. Later had his wife text message us with his resignation, because his feelings were hurt. He went back to driving his tricyle.
• Same driver it seems had a few arguments with a subdivision guard. Went home…got a gun….pointed it at the guard’s head. Fortunately his late-father was in the NBI, so his old mates collected his home armory and no charges were laid, or he would have been in jail now over hurt feelings.
• Office security guard learns someone is squatting in his house in the province. Gets on the bus. Gets a gun. Fully intends shooting the squatters. Not sure why he didn’t succeed, but nearly did. Also a family man, and would have dumped his family because his anger won the day.
• Domestic helper with six kids, useless husband (doesn’t work, and has mistresses). Lived in poverty, and resembled a broomstick. Worked with us. Good salary. Had plans for building a proper house. Husband tells her to come visit. Fakes having a stroke (yes, I’m serious!), which the doctor identified in examination as fake. Did all this because she loved him and missed him, and lost what would have been long-term employment and a good future for kids.

  Basically, we’ve had to learn how to talk to staff very carefully and at the same time expect to see good employees throw everything away if they feel embarrassed or get their feelings hurt. Hang the consequences. Forget about taking it on the chin, because life is just like that. Forget what ol’ Malcolm Fraser said about “Life was not meant to be easy”! We already have to put up with staff needing to take days off because it’s their birthday, or it’s their child’s birthday, or someone asked them to be a bridesmaid at their wedding which is taking place on a work day. We’ve had staff telling us they wanted to visit their mum for her birthday in the province the evening before. Me? I sit here and work when I have a fever, or with a bad headache, or when my back is giving me merry hell. Because if I don’t do what is required, then my business will suffer and my clients will go elsewhere. Who could blame them? And that’s just reality. Yes, getting a little off-track here onto work-ethic issues, but it’s all part of it. I really do wonder why so many Filipinos take the path of least resistance. There is a wolf at the door in Australia, but there’s a whole pack of Filipino wolves here in the and they have rabies! Let your emotions get the better of you in the Philippines, and you lose out badly! And no, sadly I don’t have any answers. If you intend to have dealings with Filipinos, you can expect to come across this difficult phenomena.  

The following post Bukas na lang! Impulsive Filipinos wasis courtesy of Jeff Harvie of Down Under Visa

The Filipino Finders Fee! Microeconomy at its most dubious!

  I’m an Australian through and through, and where I come from you never try to rip off a mate. Business is business, and we’re all entitled to earn a living, but when it comes to friends, family and neighbours we take a different approach. And so do many in the Philippines, but not everyone! There are those who always have their hands out for a finders fee, and those in Australian Filipina relationships need to learn about this.  

Look a little familiar??

   

What is a finders fee? Is it a commission?

OK, of course it’s easy to criticize when you’re in the luxurious position of being able to say “Oh, no. That’s OK. I don’t want any money.” And it’s a lot harder when you are living day-to-day. Life can be very hard in the Philippines, and there is a distinct lack of safety nets. However for many, they could do better if they thought beyond the immediate opportunities and reaped the longer-term rewards that come from integrity. What it means essentially that there are people here in the Philippines who will always “top up” a cost, so as to include something for themselves, or they’ll just outwardly ask for their cut. In most cases not something that bothers the locals very much, because they come to expect it. And they may even do the same thing themselves, so don’t see the problem. And of course if someone genuinely works for something, they are entitled to make some money. You get someone running errands, standing in lines, negotiating on your behalf, well then sure. If they didn’t include it in the price at the start, you would tend to give them a decent tip anyway. The one that’s annoying is the unearned or barely-earned fee. The Filipino who does practically nothing, then wants to profit from it.  

Examples of questionable finders fees

• “Hello neighbour! Do you know a good plumber?” Neighbour texts a plumber he knows. Plumber turns up and works. At the end of the job, the neighbor hits up the plumber for a finders fee.
• We had a driver once who used to tell businesses that we dealt with that they were the one who directed us to go there, and would stick his hand out for payment.
• Same driver found a masseuse for Mila who would come to the house. Used to get a cut each and every time the masseuse came here.
• Needed an NSO birth certificate for our daughter Remy (many years back). A relative volunteered. She was late-registered, and relative claimed the birth certificate became more expensive the later it was registered. Would have simply paid her for her time if she had asked, but it was the lying that I never quite forgot.
• Distant relative told us of a farm for sale in the province. A bit of a bargain. Did nothing more than this. Found out later wanted a HUGE cut from the seller. On principle we just walked away.

 

Finders fees. The problem.

Again, this is mainly a problem when you don’t expect it. Australians traditionally don’t work that way. You help out a mate, and you are 100% upfront with them. If you help them pour a concrete slab, you are happy with beer and a good feed at the end. You also know you can count on them if you need help, in the same way that Filipinos accumulate utang na loob. However that’s very much a back-of-the-mind thing. If you never need help with concreting, it would never bother you. We loaned some money to a very honorable couple of relatives recently. They wanted to let us plant rice on their farm in return. Mila told them directly that I would never even think of that. Aussies don’t make profit from those we are close to. It doesn’t feel right. And decent Filipinos feel the same. But there are always those who don’t.  

Back to those you could, should, or with time will come to expect it from!

You can expect the taxi driver who suggests a particular hotel to come in with you when you check in, and get a little handout. You may have a guard at the airport who suggests a particular hotel and says “Give them this card”, which is a card with his name on. Yes, he’s organizing a payment for himself later. If someone at the hotel offers to organize a beautician to do a manicure for your wife, they will get a small cut. If a staff member asks if you need a good money changer, they have some in mind who will give them a handout. When you’ve been here long enough, you know this and it doesn’t bother you. I actually admire this, because they’re showing some initiative. They help me out, and they make a bit. I’m fine with that. And at the end of the day, they’re just trying to support their families a little bit better. And again, to me? Business is business. Where I have a problem is when it’s someone whom you trust, or where it’s a blatant ripoff. Or when it’s an employee of yours making profit in excess of the salary you pay them. The other thing is when they see the white man foreigner and they go for the big rip-off. The taxi driver who charges 10 times the prices because he may just get away with it. Makes a big profit today if he gets away with it, but will never get repeat business. No doubt hard to resist when the opportunity is there, but there is this thing called integrity. Those who do act with integrity and don’t take advantage of short-term opportunities can instead win the trust of those around them and build a strong reputation for honest dealing which will pay off far more over time.    

The following post The Filipino Finders Fee! Microeconomy at its most dubious! wasFind more at: Jeff Harvie of Down Under Visa

Personal Hygiene And Disease Control in the Philippines

  You're probably wondering how on earth I could make an issue out of personal hygiene amongst Filipinos, right? This is a country full of sweet-smelling and clean people, no question about it. Despite the tropical heat, you very rarely smell a stinky armpit! No one wears dirty clothes with stains. No one has dirty shoes. Schoolkids go to school with toothbrushes and toothpaste for after lunch. And ladies generally take care of their “lady-areas” very well, and that's all I'll say on that subject.    

  Yes, the level of personal hygiene has long impressed me here. When you would see girls walking out of slum areas on the way to work looking immaculate, and kids school uniforms crisp and white. I think of my years as a single dad, and never working out how someone could get sweat stains out of collars. My boys school shirts always had stains, but then as a parent in Australia I wasn't alone. Wouldn't cut it here in the Philippines at all! But the issue for this article is not with body-cleanliness matters, but more about avoiding sharing disease and infection from one person to another, and it’s something that Australian Filipina couples should be aware of.  

Sharing diseases in the Philippines

Blunt heading, but this is the issue! Filipinos are a bit too relaxed when it comes to controlling the spread of bacteria and diseases amongst each other. The Philippines has a high incidence of Hepatitis. Hepatitis B, 1 in 7 adults in the Philippines have it! This compares with about 1 in 100 in Australia. There's also Hepatitis A and Hepatitis C, Tuberculosis and rising rates of HIV. This is accentuated by poverty, of course. Filipinos have a habit of sharing food and drink with each other, and this is a great way to spread disease! Hep B and TB can be spread by saliva! Drink out of the same bottle or dip your saliva-covered utensils or eating-fingers into the same plate or "banana leaf" of food, and you most definitely WILL share saliva with others. And people do this all the time. Filipinos are a sociable people, and sharing food is as natural as breathing. Arrive anywhere when food is being eaten, and you will be invited to share it. Comment on what a Filipino is eating, and they will offer you some and expect you to dig right in. And the same thing when you are eating something, don't be too surprised if someone wants to taste it. And small children, ie. those under 10, are often fed very informally by whoever is there. If a child is in reach, it's normal practice to get a bit of food off your plate (by utensils or eating-fingers) and stick it in the child's mouth. And if the child wants something you are eating, don't be too surprised to find that small child with mouth open in front of you. I'm not comfortable with this for a number of reasons, and spread of disease is one of them. For any of you with kids here in Philippines, you absolutely must train them not to share food or drink with their friends at school. Taking a bite of what someone else is eating, or drinking from someone else's cup or bottle is very common. My girls will tend to just give the bottle to the other kid and say "keep it", because fortunately they listened to me. And no one is allowed to feed our kids from their plates.  

The kitchen sink

This is another area that tends to trouble me, and is why I've insisted that everyone in our household washes hands in the bathroom and not in the kitchen sink. And let me explain why this can lead to disease. Has everyone heard of E. coli? I think most know that this is a bacteria which is quite capable of causing you to be very ill, and in some cases even kill you. Some issues? It comes from fecal matter, ie. it comes from poo. And that means you wash your hands after using the toilet and you may have poo under your nails. It's known as a thermotolerant coliform. A "coliform" is a type of bacteria, and thermotolerant means it tolerates hotter-than-normal heat. In fact you need to subject it to 70 degrees Celcius for a couple of minutes to kill it. And that's pretty hot! And before you think that washing in hot water will control E. coli, you can’t wash up in 70 degree water! You can tolerate 42 – 44 degree water, and that’s about it! The issue is therefore that washing your toilet-hands in the kitchen sink, realize you or someone in the household could end up sick as a result. And it’s not just E. coli. There are plenty of ordinary bacteria from dirty hands from ordinary daily activity that you would be better off not on the drinking glasses. I hope this article prompts a bit of awareness of this issue, and that it leads to a few positive changes.  

The following post Personal Hygiene And Disease Control in the Philippines wasRead more at: Filipina Wives Blog

Traps with Philippines charity

  The Philippines is a land of contrasts. It’s still the third-world, despite what is considered a rapidly growing economy. Plenty who drive Ferraris and Porches, but there remain those who live on the street or scrounge through garbage looking for something to sell, so plenty of opportunity for Philippines charity. Decent Australian men in Australian Filipina relationships naturally want to do something to make it better, but is there a right way and a wrong way to go about this?     I’ve long been a follower of the man from Galilee, and despite being also a believer in working hard and taking responsibility for your lot in life, there are many who had an unfairly rough start in life and it’s our duty to help out where we can. Loving our neighbor means not turning our backs when we have the opportunity to be kind and to make up inequities. Our own blessings should be shared, and if all of those of us who do OK in life and have a bit left over could share that with those who are not so fortunate, there would be no poverty in the world. And hence one of the problems. With kids, you need to accept that they did nothing to create their situation through laziness and/or poor decisions. They were born into their current situation, and if you can help them then you most certainly should. We have a house full of kids we didn’t make ourselves, and I think we always will. And we have other kids that don’t live here but we help with education expenses.  

Helping those less fortunate in Philippines – Problems?

It all really stems around who you should help. From being here as long as we have, this has been the lesson. Whenever someone is here and willing to help, there is always someone there willing to take advantage. And as per usual, the problem starts when the Australian man, who is just an ordinary man in Australia, forgets that here he isn’t see as that ordinary man anymore. Here he will always be the rich man, and those in need will be very aware of this. And as I said above, kids by themselves won’t take advantage of you. They also did nothing to create the situation they found themselves born into. And not all, but many adults have made their own bed and really need to either lie in it or make some changes themselves. But many of them are only willing to take handouts and you may be only encouraging and supporting laziness and bad choices.  

Charities in Philippines

When we first moved here we found a charity funded by a UK-based international charity, and managed by an English fellow who wasn’t lacking in means himself. They took in homeless kids from the local dump site. These were scavengers who made their living scouring the garbage mountains and collecting what they could sell. Great bunch of kids, and we enjoyed visiting. And we were more than willing to make life better for them. Organised a medical and dental mission there, with a very kind doctor and equally kind dentist. And we had plans of getting them all new mattresses and bedding. In both cases, the staff were quick to come back to us with costings for both medical/dental treatment and for bedding. But what they didn’t like was that we were prepared to bring THINGS (ie. doctors, medicine, bedding, and we would arrive laden with fresh fruit, etc). They wanted us to bring CASH and not ask any questions. The last time we visited, the kids all stayed upstairs and my poor wife was left ignored downstairs. So yes, we parted company after that. And had a similar one with a charity that would go out and provide food for the hungry. They had purchased land, and were building a pretty nice centre, complete with their own residence included. Seemed like nice people. And I’m fairly sure the American gentlemen who was the public front was sincere, however it was obvious that donations didn’t necessarily end up where they were meant to go, and the feeding program was as cheap and un-nutritious as it could possibly be. Feed 100 people on probably less than P1,000.00. Everyone has a snack and that gives them a reason to smile for the cameras, and 100 people getting fed always sounds impressive. But one suspects the profits are going elsewhere, and this is the problem. There are some good charitable institutions here, such as Don Bosco and of course Fr Shay Cullen and his PREDA organization in Olongapo. Fr Shay is one of my very few heros. My advice is to not give up on the idea, but to be careful and make sure your money goes where you want it to go. Watch out for charity scams and scammers.  

Private charity in Philippines

If you know the situation and if you can manage it yourself, then you can be certain that your spending goes where it’s supposed to go. And as much as possible, try to help kids and young people rather than those who are less deserving and may have created their own problems themselves. We have kids here. Six of them. We take care of them, feed them, send them to school and most importantly give them lots of love and guidance. If you are willing to do this, you will no doubt have relatives who are struggling and are willing to let their kids live with you to give them a better start in life than their parents could. This is as challenging as any child-rearing will ever be, of course. The kids may be difficult and unruly, and you have the issue of them possibly wanting to run back to their parents if you have a family dispute. So don’t expect the Brady Bunch. But we’ve never regretted it. The other way is to support kids in their education. Could be relatives. Or in our case we have a handful of scholars in the province who can’t afford to continue their education. The cost to the average Australian is minimal, but it can make a massive difference. I think the main issues are not only to avoid anyone pocketing your generosity by either paying for things yourself or relying on a relative you can absolutely trust. The other issue is making sure you’re not seen as a soft touch, and ensuring a positive result. Because you can easily get burned-out and sick of the whole thing if you feel you’re being taken advantage of. With something like education support? You need to insist on minimal grade averages, and on seeing school reports. Need to make sure that the kid isn’t skipping school and pocketing the money! We’ve had that happen years ago. Never again. And if you have kids living with you? Make sure you don’t spoil them and make them think they’ve become fairy princesses in a castle. Watch their attitudes. If they arrived humble and kind, make sure they remain that way. Don’t be a soft touch, and ensure they never forget where they came from. Once you have a kid who’s showing off at school that they’re being dropped off in an expensive car and going on about the flash house they live in, and then talking down to your household helpers, you will know what I’m talking about here. Build bodies and minds, but ensure you build decent character too.    

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