Let’s eat! Food and sharing in the Philippines.

  Come across a Filipino eating, and they will normally say “Let’s eat!”, or “Kain tayo!” in Tagalog. It’s an invitation to join them to eat, and typical of Filipino generosity. What should you do next time this happens to you? A necessary education for those in an Australian Filipina relationships.    

 

“Let’s eat!”

First time someone said “Let’s eat!” to me, I didn’t know what to say. I’d already eaten, and wasn’t sure if I was supposed to go and join them. But this is what Filipinos do when they’re eating and there’s someone else around. It’s almost automatic. And I can remember another time on Bantayan Island many years ago where one of the locals invited me to come and drink with him and his barkadas (mates) after I bought him 3 bottles of the dreaded Kulafu (tastes like drain cleaner and cost P3 per bottle at the time) so he had something to offer his guests. Gave me a stump to sit on, a glass of this amazing beverage and a lump of pig fat. Fortunately I was able to discard the fat by tossing it under something without anyone seeing me, but I struggled down the drain cleaner. But yes, as I said, Filipinos and generosity/hospitality go hand in hand. Eating by yourself and being oblivious to the needs of others, it just isn’t done. So whether you have an abundance or whether it’s something very humble (like that awful lump of fat), you offer it to whoever is present. Try this little exercise next time you see a Filipino eating something. Ask them what they are eating. And guess what they will do? They will immediately offer some or even all of it to you, without hesitation! Do you know that when particular religious groups come knocking at the door, your average Filipino will invite them in and offer them refreshments? They will do this even if it means they need to politely sit through attempts to convert them, because it would be rude to treat a guest any other way! Does that mean you need to stop what you’re doing? Is it rude to say no? No, not at all. You can always politely decline, and no one will be shocked. And if there’s not much to go around, I’m sure they’re just that little bit grateful to hear that you’re busog (full). Know what’s a bit odd? OK, what do you say if someone offers you something in Australia and you don’t want it? Someone asks “Djawannacuppa?” or “Djawannavegemitesanga?” (I’ll let the Australian husbands explain those) or similar? You say, “Oh, no thanks.” Or “Not at the moment, but thanks anyway” etc. In the Philippines? You sort-of screw up your face and say (in a slightly evil-sounding tone) “I don’t like!” You can imagine my shock first time I heard that! You could think of asking “You don’t?? But you had some just before?” Answer? “I know, but IIIIIIII dooooooooon’t liiiiiiiiiike!” Yes, it means they don’t want it right now! Not that they really detest that particular food or beverage!  

Cultural clashes over Filipino food-sharing

Food is an important thing in the Philippines, obviously stemming a lot from the fact that hunger exists and many live day-to-day. Could well be nothing but rice for dinner. So food is definitely life, and sharing keeps people alive. Having guests over means food. Birthday celebrations means food. Baptisms, weddings, funerals and of course the Barangay Fiesta. First one I went to? Fed beef caldereta at every household I was taken to. Told each lady-of-the-house that hers was the very best and won a few pogi-points. Thought I was going to burst! Again, all about sharing. To shut the door and keep the hungry out would never happen. I can remember a time in the distant past where I was visiting *cough* former girlfriend in Cebu. I don’t know what it is about Cebu, but the lechon manok there (barbequed chicken) was absolutely delicious, and nothing like we have in Luzon. So what did I do whilst staying with her at her parents house? Get a single chicken, and we would eat it. Get enough to share with the parents? Never crossed my mind. I almost wince in embarrassment to think of this now. Shudder to think what they must have thought of my lack of manners. Confusion works both ways, of course. I recall a couple we knew years ago, with the lady being an old friend of Mila’s from Hong Kong. Arrived in Australia and complained to Mila that her husband never “offered her food”. She expected him to say “Let’s eat”, etc. and he didn’t. It’s not that she wasn’t welcome to eat. He just didn’t see the point in saying that to his wife, when he expected her to make herself at home and not wait to be asked. Mila would also be amazed if we visited an Australian’s place and find they’d only made one main course. In Australia we ended up getting a new table, because when we had guests the table and the kitchen bench were full to the point that there was no room for anything else. No chance of actually eating at the table, because there was no room. And at one stage (I’ll get into trouble for this!) a party meant her getting up at 4:00am and becoming a complete food-nazi to everyone in the house, and after the guests had left (along with their doggie-bags of baon), those household would be left with shattered nerves and leftovers to eat for the next week or more. I’ve calmed her down a lot since those scary days, but no one is ever left hungry rest assured. That’s the Filipino way.  

The following article Let’s eat! Food and sharing in the Philippines. wasFind more at: Filipina Wives Marriage Advice Blog

The myth of the rich foreigner from Australia

  The rich foreigner! An important topic to both overseas Filipinos and to their Australian spouses. In short, most of your relatives in the Philippines think you and your Australian husband are rich and have an endless supply of money. They also think it’s OK to share in this wealth freely. And if you're part of an Australian Filipina relationship you need to learn to deal with it.    

 

All foreigners are rich

There is a concept going around that everyone who lives in Australia is rich. The same myth applies to America and other foreign countries. Anyone who lives overseas has a money tree growing in the yard, and nothing is ever too much for them. They have everything, and of course they will share it with you. It’s only fair after all. There is no understanding of the cost of living in Australia. No one could imagine you having to pay $300.00 or more per week in rent, or the cost of owning and running a car. A cappuccino costs you $4.00 to $5.00. A beer could cost you $7.00. Steak costs you $20.00 a kg at the supermarket. There are no cheap tricycle or jeepney rides. Yes, maybe you earn $1,000.00 a week, but it disappears fairly quickly. No one realizes that. And there is this concept of being entitled to share in the good fortune of a relative. What’s mine is yours. They would and have always shared what they had with you, and given that you have more to share then of course the ball is in your court to be more generous. Fortune smiled on you, therefore it’s up to you to help out the family members and to spread that wealth.  

Pasalubong

Pasalubong is a Tagalog word which describes gifts and handouts that a returning rich foreigner or balikbayan (returning countryman) is expected to bring with them. And relatives will often descend on the house of the balikbayan relative expecting this. Children are sometimes encouraged to ask “Where is my gift?” I know! Gets on my nerves too! But if you get annoyed, you will end up with a room full of confused people. This is one of those cultural differences. As an Australian it never occurs to you that you have an obligation to purchase gifts for everyone when you travel, but here it most certainly is. Even taking a trip to another town in the Philippines means purchasing things to distribute on your return. Snack foods such as pili nut candies, dried mangos, buku pie, chicharon, etc as well as caps, tshirts, ornaments, etc are the usual. And it doesn’t end there. I’ve heard of cases of relatives going through the suitcase and just helping themselves, and of saying “I like that shirt. Can I have it?” And of course expecting to be taken to resorts, restaurants, etc during a visit and to have the bill taken care of.  

How to deal with the pasalubong mentality?

Like always, this isn’t meant to be a criticism of Filipino culture, or a “Aussies know best” rant. This is purely cultural, and cultural differences can be confusing and can cause misunderstanding when interpreted according to our own cultural conditioning. If you grow up having been taught to never ask someone for a gift, and you hear a kid literally demanding one? It makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. And if you grew up fiercely independent like most Aussies did, you find the concept of someone wanting to share in the wealth of others a bit of a shock. Aussies are proudly independent, and generally have a don’t-take-handouts mentality. My wife sees her elderly parents. They won’t ever ask for anything, however they appreciate it when they’re given a couple of thousand Pesos. Mila gives as a sign of love, and they take it as just that. We used to visit my mum when she was still alive, and Mila would always try to indirectly stock her pantry without her noticing because she knew she would have said “No thanks, I’m fine!” if she had offered money or anything at all really. So Mila would place new bottles of shampoo in the bathroom, and “forget” when we left. She did the same thing in the food cupboard too. Well, my mother DID notice and no she didn’t like it. To an Aussie it means saying she can’t cope, and an Aussie would rather do-without than to take charity. But as I’ve covered before, the Philippines is an interdependent country. People depend on each other, and they see no indignity in letting those who care about them take care of them when they need. And even if they have less need, the fact that someone remembers them means everything. Sadly though, greed exists and money can corrupt. And poverty combined with jealousy can bring out the worst in people.   Again, how to manage it? Try to see the difference between those who just enjoy that family-thing and those who are parasites and opportunists. Because yes there are those greedy users and abusers around, and every family seems to have a few. The more they get, the more they want. And try to educate them about the realities of your life and let them know that you also need to budget and live within your means just like they do.  

The following article The myth of the rich foreigner from Australia wasSee more at: Filipina Wives Marriage Advice Blog

White man’s colonial mentality in the Philippines

  We white people have a horrible history. Those of us who descended from Europeans have forefathers who colonized other countries, and most countries in Asia were colonized by Europeans over the last few hundred years. The Philippines had the Spanish followed by the Americans. We and our parents and grandparents generally grew up believing that this was somehow OK. We “civilized” them, and they were all so eternally grateful for this.    

  When I was involved with *cough* a previous Filipina girl, I can remember telling my then-90-year-old grandmother about her. And she seriously responded with “Does she do little dances for you?” “Pardon??”, I responded. She proceeded to tell me about when she and her husband took a boat cruise to Fiji once, and how they would visit different islands and how the “natives” there were so pleased to see them they would do “little dances” for them. She assumed much the same from another “native”. A generally kind person, but she grew up with a sense of white-man-superiority. We were the wise ones, and they were the savages in grass skirts who needed our wisdom. Wasn't much I could do to explain the real facts to a 90 year old, but it was creepy.

Inherent racism and superiority mentality

And you only need to scratch the surface of many a white person and you realise that much of this is still there. No slavery or “beat the servant” mentality, but a more subtle patronizing way, and a sense of being entitled to “show them the right way”. Any difference or deviation must mean they are doing it the wrong way, and it’s perfectly OK to correct them and to yell at them if necessary. There is a video getting around at the moment of a Filipino dentist getting shouted and sworn at by an English or Scottish fellow. His staff had politely asked him to park somewhere else, because his patients needed access to his clinic. This fellow thought it was OK to give the dentist a blast. Of course he did! He was white after all! Would he have done the same thing back home? Not a chance! Things are different here. Different priorities. Being on-time, or being highly efficient? Not as important as it tends to be back in Australia, but who is to say it should be? Look around you. Are the Filipino locals as angry as you? Probably not. A short story….. Had to attend court the other day. No, not being locked-up. An adoption matter actually, and I needed to be questioned on an affidavit. I arrive at the court. Our attorney tells the judge that I have a bad back (which I do), and asks if I can be questioned in the car. The judge is OK about it. So prosecutor, stenographer and attorney head out to our car in the car park. Now, honestly, if that was a court in Sydney or Melbourne, how equally accommodating would the sour-faced woman behind the counter be to such a request? Yes, if you were an important witness and you were in a hospital bed, sure. But wouldn’t have had a hope had that just been a matter of discomfort. Here? People are kind! On-time? Always super-efficient? No. Kind? Always! The point being that yes, things are different to “back home”. But that doesn’t make everybody wrong or slack or lazy or stupid. If you want a carbon-copy of Australia, you are in the wrong place. Stay where you are and stick with what you're comfortable with. If you want to visit here and certainly if you wish to live in the Philippines, strongly suggest you open your eyes and open your minds, and like me you may find benefits that outweigh any losses of the things back-home that you liked. I find the kindness of Filipino people outweighs any losses. And going around shouting at Filipino people? This is the sort of thing that could well get you deported and banned from re-entry. Persona non grata is the legal term. Because Filipino people don’t scream abuse at each other over parking spaces. Again, different priorities. Spelling names correctly or ensuring a speedy delivery service, not necessarily. But controlling tempers and foul mouths so as not to upset or scare somebody, most definitely. If you want to visit the Philippines or if you plan to live in the Philippines, it’s up to you to change and it’s up to you to adjust. The country won’t change for you, nor should you expect it to. Do you recognize any “we know best” thinking in yourself? Best to sort that out before you come here, or you’ll end up sour and bitter all the time.      

The following article White man’s colonial mentality in the Philippines wasis available on www.filipinawives.com.au

More “living in the Philippines” for Australian Filipina couples

  The Harvie family have been living in the Philippines full-time just over 7 years now. Right from the start it was intended to be a full-time move, and it remains so. Most people I spoke to who had lived here as Australians in the Philippines for a long time told me that the gloss would rub off and within 3 – 5 years I would hate the place and desperately want to come back, but we’re still here.    

Why do Australians stop living in the Philippines?

This would apply to most westerners (or “foreigners”, as we’re called here) living in the Philippines, but I’m an Aussie and so are most of the readers of FilipinaWives so I say “Australians”. Why would an Aussie say “had enough” and go back to Australia after a plan to settle here?  

Money issues in the Philippines

Yes, clearly I would think money would be the number one reason to stop living in the Philippines. You can live cheaply here, or you can live the high life. All extremes are possible. The issue is when someone has needs and wants which are more costly than their income. Many an Aussie comes here with rose-coloured glasses on, believing that life here will be an extension of their trips here. The reality is that many underestimate living costs and overestimate their financial capability. This applies both to those on fixed incomes like pensions, and to those who think they'll make a successful business here.  

Pressure from Filipino families

This would probably be the number two reason, although in some families it may be number one to cease living in the Philippines. And this will depend largely on where the priorities of you Filipina wife lie. I have a very loyal wife, and her relatives all know this. Our nuclear family, ie Mila and myself and our kids, they always come first. The wants and needs of the relatives come a clear second, and they know this too. They don’t even suggest that they get handouts or special favours under the table, and in fact I’m more generous toward them than Mila is. This is not the case in every Australian Filipina relationship here, though. Many a Filipino family regards the Australian husband as balato (a lucky windfall that they all get to share in, like a lottery win), and many a wife….especially a younger wife…..has difficulty in saying NO. If you can’t be confident that you won’t be abused by mooching relatives, you are better off not coming here in the first place. If you’re not sure, this should be something you and your wife discuss long before you come here. When I first met my inlaws many years ago and there were some clashes of expectation, I told her she needed to choose where her loyalty would lie because she couldn’t expect to please everybody. Fortunately she chose well. Not all ladies do.  

The ”dignified poor” Filipinos versus the “beggars”

I discussed this issue with Mila yesterday. She grew up in a nipa hut. Mum and dad and nine kids. Mila at 7 years old with one of her sisters used to walk around the town selling food that her mother had cooked, and she did this before she went to school. She washed clothes by hand for the neighbours when she was only a few years older. This was her life. I asked her if her parents or older siblings had ever encouraged her to beg? Ever send her to win favour with wealthier relatives or neighbours in order to get a handout? Never! We have relatives and relatives-of-relatives as well as those very keen on being friendly with us, and it’s been for the sole purpose of begging favours, handouts, gifts and support. You could just about cut the insincerity with a knife. I don’t blame the kids. They’re just doing what they’re told to do. I feel sorry for them being trained to be beggars, and I have nothing but contempt for the parents using the kids in such a way. This can certainly make life here very difficult for Australian expats. Best advice? If you think you may want to live in Philippines, then great. You may be one of the successful ones, and I hope you are. I think this is a wonderful place to live. But do yourselves a favour and try living here for a year before you make a full commitment. Don’t burn your bridges.  

The following article More “living in the Philippines” for Australian Filipina couples wasis republished from Filipina Wives Blog

The Filipino Comfort Room – The great oxymoron

 

The Filipino Comfort Room (CR)

Australian slang has so many words for that room with a toilet in it. The dunny. The loo. The bog. The thunder box. Most of us Aussies could prattle off about another 10 - 15 without even straining the brain. In the Philippines they call it the "Comfort Room" (or CR). Maybe it's just me, but I can think of many places more comfortable! Read and learn if you are in an Australian Filipina relationship, as you will need to face this several times a day when you visit anywhere other than a flash hotel in the Philippines.      

Some Comfort Room peculiarities

Goodness me! Where does one start? I wasn't too shocked when I first came across one of these little rooms. I had traveled in Asia in my youth before I came here, and after a public dunny under the streets in what was then Bombay that contained beggars, it takes a bit to shock me. I think one in an Auntie's house in Pasig where there was no light and where everything was as wet as a limestone cave was probably one of the worst. It's the lack of dryness which probably bothers me the most, so I can start there. Yes, Philippines CR's are a damp affair. Water everywhere! And trying to emerge without looking like you still 2 years old with a lack of bladder control, this can be difficult. I detest it when my shorts become a blotter for toilet floor water. I don't know why it is that a trip to the bog for a Filipino necessitates getting water a metre-and-a-half up four walls as well as creating a swimming pool on the floor. They usually have small bottoms. How much water is actually needed?  

Bum-washing rather than dunny paper

I've long thought this was a more hygienic practice than the western practice of using a roll of semi-absorbent paper to clean such a grubby area. I won't go into graphic detail, but obviously a good dousing with water will be cleaner and more effective. The inventor of the dunny roll makes me think of the inventor of the chopstick. Who ever agreed with them that these were fantastic ideas?? Water was already invented, for goodness sakes! In the Philippines, they have a bucket and a tabo. This is a little plastic dipper with a handle, which normally sits in a bucket of water under the single solitary tap. The idea is to tip or toss water onto the icky regions and to give a good wash with the hand. Pretty straight forward.

The 4 CR essentials!

The Filipino Toilet Bowl

An Aussie will notice a lack of what we consider essentials, namely a cistern and a seat! There's also a complete lack of design flair. We purchased one for a local school once. Cost P500.00, so I suppose you get what you pay for. This is part of why I say that the word "comfort" in "Philippines Comfort Room" makes it a serious oxymoron. So you can either sit on this charming little bowl, or you can do what most of the locals do and squat on it. Ever used one and wondered why it looked like there were dirty footprints on the two side edges? Probably because that WAS dirty footprints on the two side edges! So you do what you need to do....give a good wash of your nether-regions with the tabo.....and you hoick the rest of the bucket contents down the bowl with sufficient enthusiasm to send your contribution down the pipes and out of site! This may take a few goes, and don't be surprised when it never looks Harpic-fresh!  

Comfort issues in the Philippines CR

Can you use toilet paper? I told my two sons on their first visit to the Philippines that the plumbing here only used 50mm piping, so that use of dunny paper would block up the toilet. Should have seen the look of horror on their faces! Fortunately I was only making it up so as to make them panic! Sewer piping here is 100mm just as it is in Australia. It can normally cope with paper, just as it can back home. I suppose you just need to be aware that flinging a bucket of water down there doesn't create the same force as a damned good flush of an Aussie cistern. So copious amounts of paper coupled with minimal water pressure may cause some issues. There is a strange custom particularly in public CR's of asking CR-patrons to toss their used paper into a waste bin there. Why? I have NO idea! YUCK!! I repeat, YUCK!!!!! There is no practical reason for this, though. How do you keep your clothes dry? Not always easy! I have a mop permanently in our downstairs bathroom at home here. Some dunnies, especially service station dunnies when traveling, I walk in......and walk straight out of. Some literally have an inch of water on the floor. As a general rule, the art seems to be to lower the pants with one hand, and hold them up with the other. And to use, say, left hand to hold up the clothing away from the soggy floor and to never let it go. Or if you DO happen to find a dry patch, you can always remove them and leave them there until you're ready to put them back on again. But dry patches are rare in the ocean that is the Philippines comfort room! The bum sprayer, bum washer, or "hand bidet" If you are in a more luxurious Philippines bathroom, you may well find one of these handy little items. Consider buying some at the hardware and taking them back to Australia, as they are brilliant! Don't buy extra-cheap flimsy ones, or you will regret it. I think you can figure it out!

Showering, or "taking a bath"

The Filipino CR is also a place of bathing.....showering......"taking a bath", as Filipinos call washing yourself. No bathtubs. Rarely a shower. Even more rare to have hot water. See that single tap, the bucket and the tabo? THAT is generally the shower. The instruments of comfort! This is what is sometimes known in other parts of the world as a "bucket bath". How? You squat down on the floor. You tabo the water from the bucket over yourself. You soap yourself up. You use the tabo to rinse the soap off. You're done! And yes, the water is nice and cold! Some may add some boiling water to it to take the freezing edge off it, but most simply tough it out. And before you scream like a schoolgirl, remember that your delicate little Filipina lady did the same thing today probably just before you did without making a sound. Don't embarrass yourself, man!   By the way. A little funny story. Here you will often see a roll of toilet paper in someones house. They will refer to it as "tissue", because a tissue, a dunny roll and a serviette here are all called "tissue". This is therefore "tissue". But here the bog roll is used for nose-wiping, hand-wiping, polishing things and general cleaning. One of my daughters was shocked to see it hanging up on a holder in our CR when she first arrived from the province. Silliest thing she'd seen in a long time, she thought. Why would you put it in the CR? Had no concept of it being used to wipe the bum with. So as usual in the Philippines, keep your sense of humour. You're going to need it!            

The following article The Filipino Comfort Room – The great oxymoron wasis republished from Filipina Wives

Loaning money in the Philippines – The pitfalls

  The Philippines is a poor country. To most Filipinos, you as an Australian will be…..or at least appear….to be very rich! So you will always have people wanting to borrow money from you. Sometimes they are sincere, and other times they are just taking advantage of your perceived huge Australian wallet. How to handle it? Important lessons here for anyone in an Australian Filipina relationship.  

The results of me trying to draw with a mouse-pointer!

   

Filipinos wanting to borrow money. What do you do?

The Philippines is a poor country. Many Filipinos live day to day, and sometimes even those who are professionals will tend to spend rather than save. They have money in their pocket, and they go to Starbucks. They land a job, and they get a motorbike with a loan to pay off. The neighbor buys a new car, so they go and get a new car…with a loan to pay off. Then the school feels come up. Or someone gets sick and ends up in hospital. There’s no money, so they end up on your doorstep trying to borrow money. And you find yourself in a position where you have a harsh decision to make, often at the last minute, whether to say yes or no. It occurred to me when I thought about this that there are six people in the Philippines who are alive today because of us. Three of them are children who now live with us. One is a child who spent a year living with us. Two are adults who are alive today 10 years afterwards. There are also two adults who didn’t make it, despite us providing money. So at least I know that those situations were real.  

Real need or scam? The quandary!

I’m happy to be generous. Part of the effect of being with my wonderful Filipina wife (plus my Christian faith, which I won’t bother anyone with today) is that I’m a fairly generous and caring dude, and my wife Mila is the most caring and generous person I’ve ever known. So we’re always happy to help where we can. But one thing I cannot stand is being played, scammed or conned! Cannot stand it at all. The quandary is that unless it’s someone you’ve had a good track record with, you don’t know if the need is genuine or if you are being fed a sad story. The cliché in the Philippines is the “sick carabao” story. Invariably it’s something either heart-wrenching, eg. someone sick in hospital and will die otherwise, or school fees and child will miss out on education, or possibly something that hits your inner-entrepreneur when they tell you of the great business they want to start so they can take care of their family properly. The problem is you find yourself stuck between a rock and a hard place! Do you take the risk and bear the possible tragic consequences? The Philippines doesn’t have the same welfare-state provisions as Australia does. How does your conscience cope if something bad happens and you didn’t help? Again, if you know them and believe them? Then the decision is yours, and your conscience plus the size of your bank balance will help you decide. Always exercise prudence though, especially if you live here in the Philippines and where ending up flat on your face due to over-generosity may be something very hard to recover from. Even if your intentions are as pure as freshly fallen snow, accept that you won’t be much help to your extended Filipino family in the future if you go broke this time. No one has a bottomless pit of money. I know we don’t!  

The scammers and the liars

You usually learn who they are the hard way. They con you. They get away with it. Hopefully you learn. The Jeff Harvie way? Loan them a small amount first time they ask. Then wait and see what happens. We have a niece who tried that out on us. Borrow a thousand pesos, and will pay it back next month? Sure! Next month? Can I borrow another P1,000.00? No! Then we had her sick kid with Tuberculosis (TB)! The conscience said “Maybe it’s true, and not prepared to take the risk”! Turns out child had been getting treatment already, and thought they could then get it for free via the rich white Australian uncle. And to me? A skinny Filipino kid with a fat mother means is not a real charity case! OK, it cost us a few thousand pesos. But we now know exactly what she is made of! It will never happen again. To me, I think it’s wrong to reward anyone for scamming and lying, as you only encourage them to do more of it. You’re standing in the way of them ever waking up to themselves or becoming responsible and self-reliant.  And I’m talking scammers here. Not those who work as hard as they can, but the reality of their lack of education etc. keeps them down. I’m talking about those who suck up to you and tell you the sad stories so they can manipulate your emotions. They smile sweetly. They sing your praises to your face. And the other things about loans to Filipino scammers? Not only won’t you see it again, you will become the scum of the earth when you finally say “No more loans!” We just had someone pay us back P100,000.00 that we loaned them……10 years before! Paid it back because they incorrectly thought we were talking about them behind their backs and they wanted to save face (hiya), and now they hate us with a passion. Yes, there’s always hiya issues when it comes to loans. Damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. You will definitely offend someone when you say no, but at least you get to keep your dignity intact, and you don’t reward someone for doing the wrong thing!    

The following article Loaning money in the Philippines – The pitfalls wasRead more at: Jeff Harvie of Down Under Visa

Romantic, old-fashioned girls in the Philippines

  The times they are a’changing, of course. Facebook and access to the internet has exposed the Philippines to changing moral values, yet Filipina girls are mostly still old fashioned romantics at heart. Romantic Filipinas wherever you look.    

 

Filipina girls and morality

I wrote an article recently about the decline in morality in the Philippines amongst young people, and I stand by that. Please read HERE if you haven’t already done so. The Philippines used to be the bastion of innocence. If a girl wasn’t married, good chance she was still a virgin waiting on Mr Right to come and ask her parents if he may court her. She would go on dates with you if she had a chaperone with her, and as long as her parents knew when she would be home. Since then? Facebook and Nicki Minaj videos and Miley Cyrus “discovering who she is” through promiscuity. These are the new role models, instead of their virtuous mothers and grandmothers. Let me explain why I think this is sad, and also why I think there’s still hope.  

Filipina girls are romantic

A “tough” attitude toward morality may well work for some women. There are tough women out there in the world, no doubt. Nicki and Beyonce are probably pretty tough. But it is doomed to failure when the girl is soft-hearted and romantic by nature, and that’s what the average Filipina girl is. I’m realizing lately that Filipina girls, even the younger millennials (teens to maybe mid to late 20’s), haven’t actually changed much in essence. The very fact that they still use the word “courting” is a bit of a hint. In most cases? Most Filipinas give their hearts once! They fall for a chap, and they hang on for dear life. Bed-hopping and having sex as a “good way to pass the time”? Rarely! Most girls fall head over heels for a boy or man, and they can and will love him for the rest of their lives. How about the young men of the Philippines? Is the average Filipino male a soft-hearted romantic? No. No, sadly not. And this is especially so when he’s young and at his most virile. He’s much the same as any other teenage to mid 20’s young men. He’s on the hunt, and he wants to populate the world. The more the merrier. And what could be better for him in this quest than a large number of romantic females who have new-found sexual freedom and Miley in their ears singing “It’s our party we can love who we want”? And at the end of the day, are these girls actually getting what they want? Most of the ones I see are ending up miserable, because the boys are not in love at all. They want sex, and they get sex by claiming they’re in love. And the girls believe this. And if the boys cheat on the girl and get caught out? They tell the girl how sorry they are, and she forgives them! And it keeps on going until the girl joins the expanding (literally!) crowd of Filipina single mothers. Because these fine young men don’t like using condoms and the girls accept this!  

The good thing about romantic Filipinas

You were probably wondering where I was going with this. Yes, I was having a bit of a rant because I find the whole thing sad. Lovely girls trying out cool new ideas and making themselves miserable in the process. And young men acting like animals with no restraint because of this. Boys have conquest stories to tell, whilst girls get broken hearts. What’s the positive side? The positive side is that a romantic girl is a great catch for a decent man with a soft heart, and that describes most Australian men. The average Aussie male is a fairly straight-forward and often unrefined sort of bloke, but with a kind and honest nature. And decades of rampant feminism have made many of us really crave a good woman who will treat us with kindness and sweetness. And once we find her, we treasure her and will happily take care of her. Combine this with a romantic girl who wants a knight in shining armour to sweep her up, marry her and build a family with her, and you have a great combination. Keep treating her well, and that old-fashioned and romantic nature will remain. Always tell her you love her. Never stop “dating” with your wife. And never forget how incredibly lucky you are, and be sure to tell her regularly. Do this and you’ll have many happy years.    

The following blog post Romantic, old-fashioned girls in the Philippines was first published on Jeff Harvie of Down Under Visa