The milk lobby has long been very effective in convincing people that milk is an essential part of good nutrition. Nowhere more than in the Philippines. Filipino parents are utterly convinced that milk (and vitamin pills) are essential for the health of children, along with excessive rice consumption. The end result is still a whole lot of child malnutrition among Filipino children.
Milk products for children in the Philippines Most Filipino mothers will breastfeed, I’m happy to say. Yet at some stage the milk products appear, and kids who are 5, 6 and 7 can still be found lying on the floor sucking out of bottles. Sometimes 5 or more bottles a day of milk formula. And the ads on TV will promote the benefits to children of different milk products, often with exorbitant claims of benefits like increased height and doing better in school. Truth in advertising laws are not heavily enforced here, you soon discover. There are even milk products aimed at the elderly, with ads showing Lolo finally remembering his wedding anniversary thanks to the brain-revitalising benefits gained. And I say “milk products” because you see very little fresh milk here. It’s not really a dairy country. Dairy cattle do best in temperate climates and not in the tropics. So mostly what we’re talking about is canned powder with added chemicals. Yet despite the encouraged consumption of milk products, malnutrition and specific nutrient deficiencies (anemia, Vitamin A deficiency, Vitamin D deficiency, calcium deficiency, etc) is rife throughout the country and very notable in kids. Diets tend to be high in carbohydrate and fat, whilst low in protein and vitamins. Carbohydrate allows bodies enough energy to move about, but it doesn’t build growing bodies like protein and vitamins. The Australian diet by comparison. I grew up like a typical suburban Australian through the late 60’s and 70’s eating the standard Australian diet. Meat and three veg dinners. Bowl of fruit on the table. Eggs for breakfast. Vegemite sandwiches for lunch. And my (Aussie) kids grew up much the same, except with a bit more variety than meat and three veg. Still, always meat and veges and carbohydrates in a healthy proportion. And I ended up with 6’ tall sons with no stunting. And know what? No milk products! And no daily vitamins! Never once had a doctor in Australia say “Give this child milk!” or to prescribe multivitamins. Never happened, nor did it ever happen with anyone else I knew. Eldest son Greg had a bottle of milk (ie milk, and not powder) at night up until he was maybe 2. Jeremy never drank from a bottle in his life. And I was the same. No living memory of ever drinking milk, which means I must have been very young the last time I had any. Yet in Australia you don’t see stunted kids. You don’t see kids with brown stumps in their mouths where teeth used to be. And it has nothing to do with the consumption of milk and vitamins, rest assured. It has all to do with balanced diets. The consumption of enough building blocks (protein and vitamins) to make kids grow normally. Better alternatives to the Filipino diet The common response you get when you suggest to Filipinos that their kids should eat better is that they can’t afford it. And yes, this is often the case. But I whilst I acknowledge that many people can’t feed their kids on steak and an array of fresh fruit, there are still changes that can be made to get the balance right. Protein: Fish is fairly cheap, and it’s a fine source of protein. And legumes like mung beans(mongo) are 24% protein, and full of iron and calcium! And they’re cheap! And eggs are a great kid-food. Low in harmful cholesterol, and loaded with protein. Nature designed eggs as baby-food. My kids eat eggs every day, and they are all solid muscle. Vitamins:Vegetables(gulay) are the best source of vitamins available. Yet there are many who simply won’t eat them, because they think that’s what the poorest of the poor eat. Bad mistake. They should be a part of every meal. And seasonal local vegetables can be bought at the local market economically. If kids grow up on them, they get used to eating them. Carbohydrate: Proportionally no plate should contain more than 1/3 of a carbohydrate source, be that rice, potatoes, pasta or noodles. Not 90% rice-mountain with a splash or brown water and a teaspoon of fatty pork. Our household rule is 1/3 rice, 1/3 vegetable, 1/3 meat. And we have a house full of healthy kids. No stunting. No rotten teeth. So it clearly works.
A blunt heading, but it’s a topic I feel like being blunt about. As an Australian man in the Philippines, you simply don’t want to be poor. Mila and myself have lived here full time for just over seven years, and we do OK. Our business is successful, and we therefore live comfortably. We’re also conservative and cautious about money, savings and investments. Because there is no safety net. You run out of money, and you are out on the streets and all alone. Being a poor Australian in the Philippines is no fun at all!
Poor foreigners in the Philippines
We have friends here amongst the Australian expats in the Philippines, as well as Canadians, Americans and Englishmen and a stray Iranian. Some come here with investments, superannuation, etc. Others have their home country pension. Others run businesses. There are those who work for Embassies and global companies with a few key staff from Australia or wherever who are on fairly healthy salaries with benefits. I can’t say I know any personally. Most of the Aussies and other nationality expats here are either on pensions or are running businesses. Mostly? Not doing so well. Mostly money is tight, and they do without a lot of things. And I wonder why they do it, to be quite honest. No matter where you live in the world, of course there’s a wolf at the door. However countries like Australia have very obvious safety nets. Without meaning to appear unsympathetic to any reader on a low income, no one in Australia really falls that far. Not like they do here in Philippines. Australia has Centrelink benefits. There’s housing commission accommodation. There’s Medicare, and states like QLD have free hospitals. Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme, even cheaper if you’re on Government benefits. You can even get St Vincent de Paul to bring you a food package if you’re really short. The Philippines? There is no social security that is public, or at least not open to those who didn’t have contributions paid into it while they were working here. So nothing for an Australian expat. No housing commission. No charities that would take you very seriously if you turned up on their doorstep. And try turning up at a hospital with no money and see how far you get. And unlike poor Filipinos, you don’t have a mountain of relatives and friends who will chip in and help you out when things go wrong.
What can happen to poor Australians?
I’ve known Australians here to end up literally begging for help when things have gone wrong. Health issues and failed businesses are probably the worst problems that can strike the Australian ex-pat. If a man gets sick he can not only lose his source of income, he can have serious medical bills. Case in point. A very sad story. We had a friend. Australian builder who was trying to establish a business here in Manila. Did great work. We had him doing some work at our place, and we were very happy with what he was doing. But could see that he was struggling. Great builder, but wasn’t an astute businessman at all. Ended up getting ill, and died because he couldn’t afford proper care. The Australian Embassy only contacted his family in Australia for him. They won’t loan money. He left a wife and three kids behind. And we have another friend here who’s been getting chest pains over the last few weeks. Wife and two kids, plus a demanding business. The worry is written all over his face, and as a friend we’re worried for him too. No Medicare to foot the bill, and if he’s not there to run his business the doors will close. And no, he’s also not rolling in spare cash. A few weeks without income, and he will be in trouble. I won’t elaborate today on the folly of many Australians assuming they can set the Filipino world on fire with their great business ideas. Many make wild assumptions as to what would most certainly be successful here, only to find out how wrong they were. I’ve written about this in other BLOG articles, older readers will remember. Many an Australian comes here and misjudges the marketplace completely. Finds Filipino customers unwilling to part with money and unwilling to try anything new. Finds customers who will do everything to avoid paying their accounts. Those who expect bribes before signing contracts. Competition who can survive on much lower incomes that they ever could. So many a business either fails or at least doesn’t produce what will pay for a moderately comfortable lifestyle with some savings to cover emergencies. Yes, savings. Some fat to fall back on during lean times and to cover those unexpected emergencies. Illnesses and hospitalization. Operations. Typhoons and earthquakes. Cars needing to be replaced. Family emergencies where your conscience doesn’t allow you to watch a child go without medical treatment. And lean business times, business failures and getting fired from stable employment. I was talking to an expat once who bought an expensive house a few years back, and said when they’d settled up he had less than a thousand dollars in the bank. That’s insane! What if a tragedy had struck at the same time? Then what? And expats are well known for falling into schemes and scams designed to part them from their savings too. Many come here with hundreds of thousands in the bank only to end up wondering where it all went. Farming ventures. Businesses which have depended on trusted relatives doing the right thing which have failed because they didn’t do the right thing. Buying into bars, restaurants, resorts and ending up with nothing after 6 months. And plenty of stories of trusted wives and sweethearts who have drained bank accounts right under their noses. The point here is to realise well and truly that you’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto. This is the Philippines. There is a PACK of wolves at the door, and they all have rabies! Fail due to carelessness, scams, excessive optimism and a lack of sound planning, and you will fall harder than you ever imagined you could. It may leave you bankrupt and devoid of your life savings, or it may even see you in an earlier grave than you expected. Be cautious and only take those risks you can afford to live with if they fail. Don’t overestimate your abilities, and know that you will never be so acclimatized that you cannot make stupid mistakes due to ignorance. And if your savings are dwindling, pack up and leave while you still can.
A blunt heading, but it’s a topic I feel like being blunt about. As an Australian man in the Philippines, you simply don’t want to be poor. Mila and myself have lived here full time for just over seven years, and we do OK. Our business is successful, and we therefore live comfortably. We’re also conservative and cautious about money, savings and investments. Because there is no safety net. You run out of money, and you are out on the streets and all alone. Being a poor Australian in the Philippines is no fun at all!
Poor foreigners in the Philippines
We have friends here amongst the Australian expats in the Philippines, as well as Canadians, Americans and Englishmen and a stray Iranian. Some come here with investments, superannuation, etc. Others have their home country pension. Others run businesses. There are those who work for Embassies and global companies with a few key staff from Australia or wherever who are on fairly healthy salaries with benefits. I can’t say I know any personally. Most of the Aussies and other nationality expats here are either on pensions or are running businesses. Mostly? Not doing so well. Mostly money is tight, and they do without a lot of things. And I wonder why they do it, to be quite honest. No matter where you live in the world, of course there’s a wolf at the door. However countries like Australia have very obvious safety nets. Without meaning to appear unsympathetic to any reader on a low income, no one in Australia really falls that far. Not like they do here in Philippines. Australia has Centrelink benefits. There’s housing commission accommodation. There’s Medicare, and states like QLD have free hospitals. Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme, even cheaper if you’re on Government benefits. You can even get St Vincent de Paul to bring you a food package if you’re really short. The Philippines? There is no social security that is public, or at least not open to those who didn’t have contributions paid into it while they were working here. So nothing for an Australian expat. No housing commission. No charities that would take you very seriously if you turned up on their doorstep. And try turning up at a hospital with no money and see how far you get. And unlike poor Filipinos, you don’t have a mountain of relatives and friends who will chip in and help you out when things go wrong.
What can happen to poor Australians?
I’ve known Australians here to end up literally begging for help when things have gone wrong. Health issues and failed businesses are probably the worst problems that can strike the Australian ex-pat. If a man gets sick he can not only lose his source of income, he can have serious medical bills. Case in point. A very sad story. We had a friend. Australian builder who was trying to establish a business here in Manila. Did great work. We had him doing some work at our place, and we were very happy with what he was doing. But could see that he was struggling. Great builder, but wasn’t an astute businessman at all. Ended up getting ill, and died because he couldn’t afford proper care. The Australian Embassy only contacted his family in Australia for him. They won’t loan money. He left a wife and three kids behind. And we have another friend here who’s been getting chest pains over the last few weeks. Wife and two kids, plus a demanding business. The worry is written all over his face, and as a friend we’re worried for him too. No Medicare to foot the bill, and if he’s not there to run his business the doors will close. And no, he’s also not rolling in spare cash. A few weeks without income, and he will be in trouble. I won’t elaborate today on the folly of many Australians assuming they can set the Filipino world on fire with their great business ideas. Many make wild assumptions as to what would most certainly be successful here, only to find out how wrong they were. I’ve written about this in other BLOG articles, older readers will remember. Many an Australian comes here and misjudges the marketplace completely. Finds Filipino customers unwilling to part with money and unwilling to try anything new. Finds customers who will do everything to avoid paying their accounts. Those who expect bribes before signing contracts. Competition who can survive on much lower incomes that they ever could. So many a business either fails or at least doesn’t produce what will pay for a moderately comfortable lifestyle with some savings to cover emergencies. Yes, savings. Some fat to fall back on during lean times and to cover those unexpected emergencies. Illnesses and hospitalization. Operations. Typhoons and earthquakes. Cars needing to be replaced. Family emergencies where your conscience doesn’t allow you to watch a child go without medical treatment. And lean business times, business failures and getting fired from stable employment. I was talking to an expat once who bought an expensive house a few years back, and said when they’d settled up he had less than a thousand dollars in the bank. That’s insane! What if a tragedy had struck at the same time? Then what? And expats are well known for falling into schemes and scams designed to part them from their savings too. Many come here with hundreds of thousands in the bank only to end up wondering where it all went. Farming ventures. Businesses which have depended on trusted relatives doing the right thing which have failed because they didn’t do the right thing. Buying into bars, restaurants, resorts and ending up with nothing after 6 months. And plenty of stories of trusted wives and sweethearts who have drained bank accounts right under their noses. The point here is to realise well and truly that you’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto. This is the Philippines. There is a PACK of wolves at the door, and they all have rabies! Fail due to carelessness, scams, excessive optimism and a lack of sound planning, and you will fall harder than you ever imagined you could. It may leave you bankrupt and devoid of your life savings, or it may even see you in an earlier grave than you expected. Be cautious and only take those risks you can afford to live with if they fail. Don’t overestimate your abilities, and know that you will never be so acclimatized that you cannot make stupid mistakes due to ignorance. And if your savings are dwindling, pack up and leave while you still can.
Come across a Filipino eating, and they will normally say “Let’s eat!”, or “Kain tayo!” in Tagalog. It’s an invitation to join them to eat, and typical of Filipino generosity. What should you do next time this happens to you? A necessary education for those in an Australian Filipina relationships.
“Let’s eat!”
First time someone said “Let’s eat!” to me, I didn’t know what to say. I’d already eaten, and wasn’t sure if I was supposed to go and join them. But this is what Filipinos do when they’re eating and there’s someone else around. It’s almost automatic. And I can remember another time on Bantayan Island many years ago where one of the locals invited me to come and drink with him and his barkadas (mates) after I bought him 3 bottles of the dreaded Kulafu (tastes like drain cleaner and cost P3 per bottle at the time) so he had something to offer his guests. Gave me a stump to sit on, a glass of this amazing beverage and a lump of pig fat. Fortunately I was able to discard the fat by tossing it under something without anyone seeing me, but I struggled down the drain cleaner. But yes, as I said, Filipinos and generosity/hospitality go hand in hand. Eating by yourself and being oblivious to the needs of others, it just isn’t done. So whether you have an abundance or whether it’s something very humble (like that awful lump of fat), you offer it to whoever is present. Try this little exercise next time you see a Filipino eating something. Ask them what they are eating. And guess what they will do? They will immediately offer some or even all of it to you, without hesitation! Do you know that when particular religious groups come knocking at the door, your average Filipino will invite them in and offer them refreshments? They will do this even if it means they need to politely sit through attempts to convert them, because it would be rude to treat a guest any other way! Does that mean you need to stop what you’re doing? Is it rude to say no? No, not at all. You can always politely decline, and no one will be shocked. And if there’s not much to go around, I’m sure they’re just that little bit grateful to hear that you’re busog (full). Know what’s a bit odd? OK, what do you say if someone offers you something in Australia and you don’t want it? Someone asks “Djawannacuppa?” or “Djawannavegemitesanga?” (I’ll let the Australian husbands explain those) or similar? You say, “Oh, no thanks.” Or “Not at the moment, but thanks anyway” etc. In the Philippines? You sort-of screw up your face and say (in a slightly evil-sounding tone) “I don’t like!” You can imagine my shock first time I heard that! You could think of asking “You don’t?? But you had some just before?” Answer? “I know, but IIIIIIII dooooooooon’t liiiiiiiiiike!” Yes, it means they don’t want it right now! Not that they really detest that particular food or beverage!
Cultural clashes over Filipino food-sharing
Food is an important thing in the Philippines, obviously stemming a lot from the fact that hunger exists and many live day-to-day. Could well be nothing but rice for dinner. So food is definitely life, and sharing keeps people alive. Having guests over means food. Birthday celebrations means food. Baptisms, weddings, funerals and of course the Barangay Fiesta. First one I went to? Fed beef caldereta at every household I was taken to. Told each lady-of-the-house that hers was the very best and won a few pogi-points. Thought I was going to burst! Again, all about sharing. To shut the door and keep the hungry out would never happen. I can remember a time in the distant past where I was visiting *cough* former girlfriend in Cebu. I don’t know what it is about Cebu, but the lechon manok there (barbequed chicken) was absolutely delicious, and nothing like we have in Luzon. So what did I do whilst staying with her at her parents house? Get a single chicken, and we would eat it. Get enough to share with the parents? Never crossed my mind. I almost wince in embarrassment to think of this now. Shudder to think what they must have thought of my lack of manners. Confusion works both ways, of course. I recall a couple we knew years ago, with the lady being an old friend of Mila’s from Hong Kong. Arrived in Australia and complained to Mila that her husband never “offered her food”. She expected him to say “Let’s eat”, etc. and he didn’t. It’s not that she wasn’t welcome to eat. He just didn’t see the point in saying that to his wife, when he expected her to make herself at home and not wait to be asked. Mila would also be amazed if we visited an Australian’s place and find they’d only made one main course. In Australia we ended up getting a new table, because when we had guests the table and the kitchen bench were full to the point that there was no room for anything else. No chance of actually eating at the table, because there was no room. And at one stage (I’ll get into trouble for this!) a party meant her getting up at 4:00am and becoming a complete food-nazi to everyone in the house, and after the guests had left (along with their doggie-bags of baon), those household would be left with shattered nerves and leftovers to eat for the next week or more. I’ve calmed her down a lot since those scary days, but no one is ever left hungry rest assured. That’s the Filipino way.
The rich foreigner! An important topic to both overseas Filipinos and to their Australian spouses. In short, most of your relatives in the Philippines think you and your Australian husband are rich and have an endless supply of money. They also think it’s OK to share in this wealth freely. And if you're part of an Australian Filipina relationship you need to learn to deal with it.
All foreigners are rich
There is a concept going around that everyone who lives in Australia is rich. The same myth applies to America and other foreign countries. Anyone who lives overseas has a money tree growing in the yard, and nothing is ever too much for them. They have everything, and of course they will share it with you. It’s only fair after all. There is no understanding of the cost of living in Australia. No one could imagine you having to pay $300.00 or more per week in rent, or the cost of owning and running a car. A cappuccino costs you $4.00 to $5.00. A beer could cost you $7.00. Steak costs you $20.00 a kg at the supermarket. There are no cheap tricycle or jeepney rides. Yes, maybe you earn $1,000.00 a week, but it disappears fairly quickly. No one realizes that. And there is this concept of being entitled to share in the good fortune of a relative. What’s mine is yours. They would and have always shared what they had with you, and given that you have more to share then of course the ball is in your court to be more generous. Fortune smiled on you, therefore it’s up to you to help out the family members and to spread that wealth.
Pasalubong
Pasalubong is a Tagalog word which describes gifts and handouts that a returning rich foreigner or balikbayan (returning countryman) is expected to bring with them. And relatives will often descend on the house of the balikbayan relative expecting this. Children are sometimes encouraged to ask “Where is my gift?” I know! Gets on my nerves too! But if you get annoyed, you will end up with a room full of confused people. This is one of those cultural differences. As an Australian it never occurs to you that you have an obligation to purchase gifts for everyone when you travel, but here it most certainly is. Even taking a trip to another town in the Philippines means purchasing things to distribute on your return. Snack foods such as pili nut candies, dried mangos, buku pie, chicharon, etc as well as caps, tshirts, ornaments, etc are the usual. And it doesn’t end there. I’ve heard of cases of relatives going through the suitcase and just helping themselves, and of saying “I like that shirt. Can I have it?” And of course expecting to be taken to resorts, restaurants, etc during a visit and to have the bill taken care of.
How to deal with the pasalubong mentality?
Like always, this isn’t meant to be a criticism of Filipino culture, or a “Aussies know best” rant. This is purely cultural, and cultural differences can be confusing and can cause misunderstanding when interpreted according to our own cultural conditioning. If you grow up having been taught to never ask someone for a gift, and you hear a kid literally demanding one? It makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. And if you grew up fiercely independent like most Aussies did, you find the concept of someone wanting to share in the wealth of others a bit of a shock. Aussies are proudly independent, and generally have a don’t-take-handouts mentality. My wife sees her elderly parents. They won’t ever ask for anything, however they appreciate it when they’re given a couple of thousand Pesos. Mila gives as a sign of love, and they take it as just that. We used to visit my mum when she was still alive, and Mila would always try to indirectly stock her pantry without her noticing because she knew she would have said “No thanks, I’m fine!” if she had offered money or anything at all really. So Mila would place new bottles of shampoo in the bathroom, and “forget” when we left. She did the same thing in the food cupboard too. Well, my mother DID notice and no she didn’t like it. To an Aussie it means saying she can’t cope, and an Aussie would rather do-without than to take charity. But as I’ve covered before, the Philippines is an interdependent country. People depend on each other, and they see no indignity in letting those who care about them take care of them when they need. And even if they have less need, the fact that someone remembers them means everything. Sadly though, greed exists and money can corrupt. And poverty combined with jealousy can bring out the worst in people. Again, how to manage it? Try to see the difference between those who just enjoy that family-thing and those who are parasites and opportunists. Because yes there are those greedy users and abusers around, and every family seems to have a few. The more they get, the more they want. And try to educate them about the realities of your life and let them know that you also need to budget and live within your means just like they do.
We white people have a horrible history. Those of us who descended from Europeans have forefathers who colonized other countries, and most countries in Asia were colonized by Europeans over the last few hundred years. The Philippines had the Spanish followed by the Americans. We and our parents and grandparents generally grew up believing that this was somehow OK. We “civilized” them, and they were all so eternally grateful for this.
When I was involved with *cough* a previous Filipina girl, I can remember telling my then-90-year-old grandmother about her. And she seriously responded with “Does she do little dances for you?” “Pardon??”, I responded. She proceeded to tell me about when she and her husband took a boat cruise to Fiji once, and how they would visit different islands and how the “natives” there were so pleased to see them they would do “little dances” for them. She assumed much the same from another “native”. A generally kind person, but she grew up with a sense of white-man-superiority. We were the wise ones, and they were the savages in grass skirts who needed our wisdom. Wasn't much I could do to explain the real facts to a 90 year old, but it was creepy.
Inherent racism and superiority mentality
And you only need to scratch the surface of many a white person and you realise that much of this is still there. No slavery or “beat the servant” mentality, but a more subtle patronizing way, and a sense of being entitled to “show them the right way”. Any difference or deviation must mean they are doing it the wrong way, and it’s perfectly OK to correct them and to yell at them if necessary. There is a video getting around at the moment of a Filipino dentist getting shouted and sworn at by an English or Scottish fellow. His staff had politely asked him to park somewhere else, because his patients needed access to his clinic. This fellow thought it was OK to give the dentist a blast. Of course he did! He was white after all! Would he have done the same thing back home? Not a chance! Things are different here. Different priorities. Being on-time, or being highly efficient? Not as important as it tends to be back in Australia, but who is to say it should be? Look around you. Are the Filipino locals as angry as you? Probably not. A short story….. Had to attend court the other day. No, not being locked-up. An adoption matter actually, and I needed to be questioned on an affidavit. I arrive at the court. Our attorney tells the judge that I have a bad back (which I do), and asks if I can be questioned in the car. The judge is OK about it. So prosecutor, stenographer and attorney head out to our car in the car park. Now, honestly, if that was a court in Sydney or Melbourne, how equally accommodating would the sour-faced woman behind the counter be to such a request? Yes, if you were an important witness and you were in a hospital bed, sure. But wouldn’t have had a hope had that just been a matter of discomfort. Here? People are kind! On-time? Always super-efficient? No. Kind? Always! The point being that yes, things are different to “back home”. But that doesn’t make everybody wrong or slack or lazy or stupid. If you want a carbon-copy of Australia, you are in the wrong place. Stay where you are and stick with what you're comfortable with. If you want to visit here and certainly if you wish to live in the Philippines, strongly suggest you open your eyes and open your minds, and like me you may find benefits that outweigh any losses of the things back-home that you liked. I find the kindness of Filipino people outweighs any losses. And going around shouting at Filipino people? This is the sort of thing that could well get you deported and banned from re-entry. Persona non grata is the legal term. Because Filipino people don’t scream abuse at each other over parking spaces. Again, different priorities. Spelling names correctly or ensuring a speedy delivery service, not necessarily. But controlling tempers and foul mouths so as not to upset or scare somebody, most definitely. If you want to visit the Philippines or if you plan to live in the Philippines, it’s up to you to change and it’s up to you to adjust. The country won’t change for you, nor should you expect it to. Do you recognize any “we know best” thinking in yourself? Best to sort that out before you come here, or you’ll end up sour and bitter all the time.
The Harvie family have been living in the Philippines full-time just over 7 years now. Right from the start it was intended to be a full-time move, and it remains so. Most people I spoke to who had lived here as Australians in the Philippines for a long time told me that the gloss would rub off and within 3 – 5 years I would hate the place and desperately want to come back, but we’re still here.
Why do Australians stop living in the Philippines?
This would apply to most westerners (or “foreigners”, as we’re called here) living in the Philippines, but I’m an Aussie and so are most of the readers of FilipinaWives so I say “Australians”. Why would an Aussie say “had enough” and go back to Australia after a plan to settle here?
Money issues in the Philippines
Yes, clearly I would think money would be the number one reason to stop living in the Philippines. You can live cheaply here, or you can live the high life. All extremes are possible. The issue is when someone has needs and wants which are more costly than their income. Many an Aussie comes here with rose-coloured glasses on, believing that life here will be an extension of their trips here. The reality is that many underestimate living costs and overestimate their financial capability. This applies both to those on fixed incomes like pensions, and to those who think they'll make a successful business here.
Pressure from Filipino families
This would probably be the number two reason, although in some families it may be number one to cease living in the Philippines. And this will depend largely on where the priorities of you Filipina wife lie. I have a very loyal wife, and her relatives all know this. Our nuclear family, ie Mila and myself and our kids, they always come first. The wants and needs of the relatives come a clear second, and they know this too. They don’t even suggest that they get handouts or special favours under the table, and in fact I’m more generous toward them than Mila is. This is not the case in every Australian Filipina relationship here, though. Many a Filipino family regards the Australian husband as balato (a lucky windfall that they all get to share in, like a lottery win), and many a wife….especially a younger wife…..has difficulty in saying NO. If you can’t be confident that you won’t be abused by mooching relatives, you are better off not coming here in the first place. If you’re not sure, this should be something you and your wife discuss long before you come here. When I first met my inlaws many years ago and there were some clashes of expectation, I told her she needed to choose where her loyalty would lie because she couldn’t expect to please everybody. Fortunately she chose well. Not all ladies do.
The ”dignified poor” Filipinos versus the “beggars”
I discussed this issue with Mila yesterday. She grew up in a nipa hut. Mum and dad and nine kids. Mila at 7 years old with one of her sisters used to walk around the town selling food that her mother had cooked, and she did this before she went to school. She washed clothes by hand for the neighbours when she was only a few years older. This was her life. I asked her if her parents or older siblings had ever encouraged her to beg? Ever send her to win favour with wealthier relatives or neighbours in order to get a handout? Never! We have relatives and relatives-of-relatives as well as those very keen on being friendly with us, and it’s been for the sole purpose of begging favours, handouts, gifts and support. You could just about cut the insincerity with a knife. I don’t blame the kids. They’re just doing what they’re told to do. I feel sorry for them being trained to be beggars, and I have nothing but contempt for the parents using the kids in such a way. This can certainly make life here very difficult for Australian expats. Best advice? If you think you may want to live in Philippines, then great. You may be one of the successful ones, and I hope you are. I think this is a wonderful place to live. But do yourselves a favour and try living here for a year before you make a full commitment. Don’t burn your bridges.
