Traps with Philippines charity

  The Philippines is a land of contrasts. It’s still the third-world, despite what is considered a rapidly growing economy. Plenty who drive Ferraris and Porches, but there remain those who live on the street or scrounge through garbage looking for something to sell, so plenty of opportunity for Philippines charity. Decent Australian men in Australian Filipina relationships naturally want to do something to make it better, but is there a right way and a wrong way to go about this?     I’ve long been a follower of the man from Galilee, and despite being also a believer in working hard and taking responsibility for your lot in life, there are many who had an unfairly rough start in life and it’s our duty to help out where we can. Loving our neighbor means not turning our backs when we have the opportunity to be kind and to make up inequities. Our own blessings should be shared, and if all of those of us who do OK in life and have a bit left over could share that with those who are not so fortunate, there would be no poverty in the world. And hence one of the problems. With kids, you need to accept that they did nothing to create their situation through laziness and/or poor decisions. They were born into their current situation, and if you can help them then you most certainly should. We have a house full of kids we didn’t make ourselves, and I think we always will. And we have other kids that don’t live here but we help with education expenses.  

Helping those less fortunate in Philippines – Problems?

It all really stems around who you should help. From being here as long as we have, this has been the lesson. Whenever someone is here and willing to help, there is always someone there willing to take advantage. And as per usual, the problem starts when the Australian man, who is just an ordinary man in Australia, forgets that here he isn’t see as that ordinary man anymore. Here he will always be the rich man, and those in need will be very aware of this. And as I said above, kids by themselves won’t take advantage of you. They also did nothing to create the situation they found themselves born into. And not all, but many adults have made their own bed and really need to either lie in it or make some changes themselves. But many of them are only willing to take handouts and you may be only encouraging and supporting laziness and bad choices.  

Charities in Philippines

When we first moved here we found a charity funded by a UK-based international charity, and managed by an English fellow who wasn’t lacking in means himself. They took in homeless kids from the local dump site. These were scavengers who made their living scouring the garbage mountains and collecting what they could sell. Great bunch of kids, and we enjoyed visiting. And we were more than willing to make life better for them. Organised a medical and dental mission there, with a very kind doctor and equally kind dentist. And we had plans of getting them all new mattresses and bedding. In both cases, the staff were quick to come back to us with costings for both medical/dental treatment and for bedding. But what they didn’t like was that we were prepared to bring THINGS (ie. doctors, medicine, bedding, and we would arrive laden with fresh fruit, etc). They wanted us to bring CASH and not ask any questions. The last time we visited, the kids all stayed upstairs and my poor wife was left ignored downstairs. So yes, we parted company after that. And had a similar one with a charity that would go out and provide food for the hungry. They had purchased land, and were building a pretty nice centre, complete with their own residence included. Seemed like nice people. And I’m fairly sure the American gentlemen who was the public front was sincere, however it was obvious that donations didn’t necessarily end up where they were meant to go, and the feeding program was as cheap and un-nutritious as it could possibly be. Feed 100 people on probably less than P1,000.00. Everyone has a snack and that gives them a reason to smile for the cameras, and 100 people getting fed always sounds impressive. But one suspects the profits are going elsewhere, and this is the problem. There are some good charitable institutions here, such as Don Bosco and of course Fr Shay Cullen and his PREDA organization in Olongapo. Fr Shay is one of my very few heros. My advice is to not give up on the idea, but to be careful and make sure your money goes where you want it to go. Watch out for charity scams and scammers.  

Private charity in Philippines

If you know the situation and if you can manage it yourself, then you can be certain that your spending goes where it’s supposed to go. And as much as possible, try to help kids and young people rather than those who are less deserving and may have created their own problems themselves. We have kids here. Six of them. We take care of them, feed them, send them to school and most importantly give them lots of love and guidance. If you are willing to do this, you will no doubt have relatives who are struggling and are willing to let their kids live with you to give them a better start in life than their parents could. This is as challenging as any child-rearing will ever be, of course. The kids may be difficult and unruly, and you have the issue of them possibly wanting to run back to their parents if you have a family dispute. So don’t expect the Brady Bunch. But we’ve never regretted it. The other way is to support kids in their education. Could be relatives. Or in our case we have a handful of scholars in the province who can’t afford to continue their education. The cost to the average Australian is minimal, but it can make a massive difference. I think the main issues are not only to avoid anyone pocketing your generosity by either paying for things yourself or relying on a relative you can absolutely trust. The other issue is making sure you’re not seen as a soft touch, and ensuring a positive result. Because you can easily get burned-out and sick of the whole thing if you feel you’re being taken advantage of. With something like education support? You need to insist on minimal grade averages, and on seeing school reports. Need to make sure that the kid isn’t skipping school and pocketing the money! We’ve had that happen years ago. Never again. And if you have kids living with you? Make sure you don’t spoil them and make them think they’ve become fairy princesses in a castle. Watch their attitudes. If they arrived humble and kind, make sure they remain that way. Don’t be a soft touch, and ensure they never forget where they came from. Once you have a kid who’s showing off at school that they’re being dropped off in an expensive car and going on about the flash house they live in, and then talking down to your household helpers, you will know what I’m talking about here. Build bodies and minds, but ensure you build decent character too.    

The following article Traps with Philippines charity wasis available on www.filipinawives.com.au

The obsession with milk, rice and vitamins in the Philippines

  The milk lobby has long been very effective in convincing people that milk is an essential part of good nutrition. Nowhere more than in the Philippines. Filipino parents are utterly convinced that milk (and vitamin pills) are essential for the health of children, along with excessive rice consumption. The end result is still a whole lot of child malnutrition among Filipino children.    

  Milk products for children in the Philippines Most Filipino mothers will breastfeed, I’m happy to say. Yet at some stage the milk products appear, and kids who are 5, 6 and 7 can still be found lying on the floor sucking out of bottles. Sometimes 5 or more bottles a day of milk formula. And the ads on TV will promote the benefits to children of different milk products, often with exorbitant claims of benefits like increased height and doing better in school. Truth in advertising laws are not heavily enforced here, you soon discover. There are even milk products aimed at the elderly, with ads showing Lolo finally remembering his wedding anniversary thanks to the brain-revitalising benefits gained. And I say “milk products” because you see very little fresh milk here. It’s not really a dairy country. Dairy cattle do best in temperate climates and not in the tropics. So mostly what we’re talking about is canned powder with added chemicals. Yet despite the encouraged consumption of milk products, malnutrition and specific nutrient deficiencies (anemia, Vitamin A deficiency, Vitamin D deficiency, calcium deficiency, etc) is rife throughout the country and very notable in kids. Diets tend to be high in carbohydrate and fat, whilst low in protein and vitamins. Carbohydrate allows bodies enough energy to move about, but it doesn’t build growing bodies like protein and vitamins.   The Australian diet by comparison. I grew up like a typical suburban Australian through the late 60’s and 70’s eating the standard Australian diet. Meat and three veg dinners. Bowl of fruit on the table. Eggs for breakfast. Vegemite sandwiches for lunch. And my (Aussie) kids grew up much the same, except with a bit more variety than meat and three veg. Still, always meat and veges and carbohydrates in a healthy proportion. And I ended up with 6’ tall sons with no stunting. And know what? No milk products! And no daily vitamins! Never once had a doctor in Australia say “Give this child milk!” or to prescribe multivitamins. Never happened, nor did it ever happen with anyone else I knew. Eldest son Greg had a bottle of milk (ie milk, and not powder) at night up until he was maybe 2. Jeremy never drank from a bottle in his life. And I was the same. No living memory of ever drinking milk, which means I must have been very young the last time I had any. Yet in Australia you don’t see stunted kids. You don’t see kids with brown stumps in their mouths where teeth used to be. And it has nothing to do with the consumption of milk and vitamins, rest assured. It has all to do with balanced diets. The consumption of enough building blocks (protein and vitamins) to make kids grow normally.   Better alternatives to the Filipino diet The common response you get when you suggest to Filipinos that their kids should eat better is that they can’t afford it. And yes, this is often the case. But I whilst I acknowledge that many people can’t feed their kids on steak and an array of fresh fruit, there are still changes that can be made to get the balance right. Protein: Fish is fairly cheap, and it’s a fine source of protein. And legumes like mung beans (mongo) are 24% protein, and full of iron and calcium! And they’re cheap! And eggs are a great kid-food. Low in harmful cholesterol, and loaded with protein. Nature designed eggs as baby-food. My kids eat eggs every day, and they are all solid muscle. Vitamins: Vegetables (gulay) are the best source of vitamins available. Yet there are many who simply won’t eat them, because they think that’s what the poorest of the poor eat. Bad mistake. They should be a part of every meal. And seasonal local vegetables can be bought at the local market economically. If kids grow up on them, they get used to eating them. Carbohydrate: Proportionally no plate should contain more than 1/3 of a carbohydrate source, be that rice, potatoes, pasta or noodles. Not 90% rice-mountain with a splash or brown water and a teaspoon of fatty pork. Our household rule is 1/3 rice, 1/3 vegetable, 1/3 meat. And we have a house full of healthy kids. No stunting. No rotten teeth. So it clearly works.    

The following post The obsession with milk, rice and vitamins in the Philippines wasis courtesy of Filipina Wives Marriage Advice Blog

Being a poor Australian man in the Philippines

  A blunt heading, but it’s a topic I feel like being blunt about. As an Australian man in the Philippines, you simply don’t want to be poor. Mila and myself have lived here full time for just over seven years, and we do OK. Our business is successful, and we therefore live comfortably. We’re also conservative and cautious about money, savings and investments. Because there is no safety net. You run out of money, and you are out on the streets and all alone. Being a poor Australian in the Philippines is no fun at all!    

Poor foreigners in the Philippines

We have friends here amongst the Australian expats in the Philippines, as well as Canadians, Americans and Englishmen and a stray Iranian. Some come here with investments, superannuation, etc. Others have their home country pension. Others run businesses. There are those who work for Embassies and global companies with a few key staff from Australia or wherever who are on fairly healthy salaries with benefits. I can’t say I know any personally. Most of the Aussies and other nationality expats here are either on pensions or are running businesses. Mostly? Not doing so well. Mostly money is tight, and they do without a lot of things. And I wonder why they do it, to be quite honest. No matter where you live in the world, of course there’s a wolf at the door. However countries like Australia have very obvious safety nets. Without meaning to appear unsympathetic to any reader on a low income, no one in Australia really falls that far. Not like they do here in Philippines. Australia has Centrelink benefits. There’s housing commission accommodation. There’s Medicare, and states like QLD have free hospitals. Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme, even cheaper if you’re on Government benefits. You can even get St Vincent de Paul to bring you a food package if you’re really short. The Philippines? There is no social security that is public, or at least not open to those who didn’t have contributions paid into it while they were working here. So nothing for an Australian expat. No housing commission. No charities that would take you very seriously if you turned up on their doorstep. And try turning up at a hospital with no money and see how far you get. And unlike poor Filipinos, you don’t have a mountain of relatives and friends who will chip in and help you out when things go wrong.  

What can happen to poor Australians?

I’ve known Australians here to end up literally begging for help when things have gone wrong. Health issues and failed businesses are probably the worst problems that can strike the Australian ex-pat. If a man gets sick he can not only lose his source of income, he can have serious medical bills. Case in point. A very sad story. We had a friend. Australian builder who was trying to establish a business here in Manila. Did great work. We had him doing some work at our place, and we were very happy with what he was doing. But could see that he was struggling. Great builder, but wasn’t an astute businessman at all. Ended up getting ill, and died because he couldn’t afford proper care. The Australian Embassy only contacted his family in Australia for him. They won’t loan money. He left a wife and three kids behind. And we have another friend here who’s been getting chest pains over the last few weeks. Wife and two kids, plus a demanding business. The worry is written all over his face, and as a friend we’re worried for him too. No Medicare to foot the bill, and if he’s not there to run his business the doors will close. And no, he’s also not rolling in spare cash. A few weeks without income, and he will be in trouble. I won’t elaborate today on the folly of many Australians assuming they can set the Filipino world on fire with their great business ideas. Many make wild assumptions as to what would most certainly be successful here, only to find out how wrong they were. I’ve written about this in other BLOG articles, older readers will remember. Many an Australian comes here and misjudges the marketplace completely. Finds Filipino customers unwilling to part with money and unwilling to try anything new. Finds customers who will do everything to avoid paying their accounts. Those who expect bribes before signing contracts. Competition who can survive on much lower incomes that they ever could. So many a business either fails or at least doesn’t produce what will pay for a moderately comfortable lifestyle with some savings to cover emergencies. Yes, savings. Some fat to fall back on during lean times and to cover those unexpected emergencies. Illnesses and hospitalization. Operations. Typhoons and earthquakes. Cars needing to be replaced. Family emergencies where your conscience doesn’t allow you to watch a child go without medical treatment. And lean business times, business failures and getting fired from stable employment. I was talking to an expat once who bought an expensive house a few years back, and said when they’d settled up he had less than a thousand dollars in the bank. That’s insane! What if a tragedy had struck at the same time? Then what? And expats are well known for falling into schemes and scams designed to part them from their savings too. Many come here with hundreds of thousands in the bank only to end up wondering where it all went. Farming ventures. Businesses which have depended on trusted relatives doing the right thing which have failed because they didn’t do the right thing. Buying into bars, restaurants, resorts and ending up with nothing after 6 months. And plenty of stories of trusted wives and sweethearts who have drained bank accounts right under their noses.   The point here is to realise well and truly that you’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto. This is the Philippines. There is a PACK of wolves at the door, and they all have rabies! Fail due to carelessness, scams, excessive optimism and a lack of sound planning, and you will fall harder than you ever imagined you could. It may leave you bankrupt and devoid of your life savings, or it may even see you in an earlier grave than you expected. Be cautious and only take those risks you can afford to live with if they fail. Don’t overestimate your abilities, and know that you will never be so acclimatized that you cannot make stupid mistakes due to ignorance. And if your savings are dwindling, pack up and leave while you still can.  

The following blog post Being a poor Australian man in the Philippines wasis available on Filipina Wives

Being a poor Australian man in the Philippines

  A blunt heading, but it’s a topic I feel like being blunt about. As an Australian man in the Philippines, you simply don’t want to be poor. Mila and myself have lived here full time for just over seven years, and we do OK. Our business is successful, and we therefore live comfortably. We’re also conservative and cautious about money, savings and investments. Because there is no safety net. You run out of money, and you are out on the streets and all alone. Being a poor Australian in the Philippines is no fun at all!    

Poor foreigners in the Philippines

We have friends here amongst the Australian expats in the Philippines, as well as Canadians, Americans and Englishmen and a stray Iranian. Some come here with investments, superannuation, etc. Others have their home country pension. Others run businesses. There are those who work for Embassies and global companies with a few key staff from Australia or wherever who are on fairly healthy salaries with benefits. I can’t say I know any personally. Most of the Aussies and other nationality expats here are either on pensions or are running businesses. Mostly? Not doing so well. Mostly money is tight, and they do without a lot of things. And I wonder why they do it, to be quite honest. No matter where you live in the world, of course there’s a wolf at the door. However countries like Australia have very obvious safety nets. Without meaning to appear unsympathetic to any reader on a low income, no one in Australia really falls that far. Not like they do here in Philippines. Australia has Centrelink benefits. There’s housing commission accommodation. There’s Medicare, and states like QLD have free hospitals. Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme, even cheaper if you’re on Government benefits. You can even get St Vincent de Paul to bring you a food package if you’re really short. The Philippines? There is no social security that is public, or at least not open to those who didn’t have contributions paid into it while they were working here. So nothing for an Australian expat. No housing commission. No charities that would take you very seriously if you turned up on their doorstep. And try turning up at a hospital with no money and see how far you get. And unlike poor Filipinos, you don’t have a mountain of relatives and friends who will chip in and help you out when things go wrong.  

What can happen to poor Australians?

I’ve known Australians here to end up literally begging for help when things have gone wrong. Health issues and failed businesses are probably the worst problems that can strike the Australian ex-pat. If a man gets sick he can not only lose his source of income, he can have serious medical bills. Case in point. A very sad story. We had a friend. Australian builder who was trying to establish a business here in Manila. Did great work. We had him doing some work at our place, and we were very happy with what he was doing. But could see that he was struggling. Great builder, but wasn’t an astute businessman at all. Ended up getting ill, and died because he couldn’t afford proper care. The Australian Embassy only contacted his family in Australia for him. They won’t loan money. He left a wife and three kids behind. And we have another friend here who’s been getting chest pains over the last few weeks. Wife and two kids, plus a demanding business. The worry is written all over his face, and as a friend we’re worried for him too. No Medicare to foot the bill, and if he’s not there to run his business the doors will close. And no, he’s also not rolling in spare cash. A few weeks without income, and he will be in trouble. I won’t elaborate today on the folly of many Australians assuming they can set the Filipino world on fire with their great business ideas. Many make wild assumptions as to what would most certainly be successful here, only to find out how wrong they were. I’ve written about this in other BLOG articles, older readers will remember. Many an Australian comes here and misjudges the marketplace completely. Finds Filipino customers unwilling to part with money and unwilling to try anything new. Finds customers who will do everything to avoid paying their accounts. Those who expect bribes before signing contracts. Competition who can survive on much lower incomes that they ever could. So many a business either fails or at least doesn’t produce what will pay for a moderately comfortable lifestyle with some savings to cover emergencies. Yes, savings. Some fat to fall back on during lean times and to cover those unexpected emergencies. Illnesses and hospitalization. Operations. Typhoons and earthquakes. Cars needing to be replaced. Family emergencies where your conscience doesn’t allow you to watch a child go without medical treatment. And lean business times, business failures and getting fired from stable employment. I was talking to an expat once who bought an expensive house a few years back, and said when they’d settled up he had less than a thousand dollars in the bank. That’s insane! What if a tragedy had struck at the same time? Then what? And expats are well known for falling into schemes and scams designed to part them from their savings too. Many come here with hundreds of thousands in the bank only to end up wondering where it all went. Farming ventures. Businesses which have depended on trusted relatives doing the right thing which have failed because they didn’t do the right thing. Buying into bars, restaurants, resorts and ending up with nothing after 6 months. And plenty of stories of trusted wives and sweethearts who have drained bank accounts right under their noses.   The point here is to realise well and truly that you’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto. This is the Philippines. There is a PACK of wolves at the door, and they all have rabies! Fail due to carelessness, scams, excessive optimism and a lack of sound planning, and you will fall harder than you ever imagined you could. It may leave you bankrupt and devoid of your life savings, or it may even see you in an earlier grave than you expected. Be cautious and only take those risks you can afford to live with if they fail. Don’t overestimate your abilities, and know that you will never be so acclimatized that you cannot make stupid mistakes due to ignorance. And if your savings are dwindling, pack up and leave while you still can.  

The following blog post Being a poor Australian man in the Philippines was first published to Jeff Harvie of Down Under Visa

Let’s eat! Food and sharing in the Philippines.

  Come across a Filipino eating, and they will normally say “Let’s eat!”, or “Kain tayo!” in Tagalog. It’s an invitation to join them to eat, and typical of Filipino generosity. What should you do next time this happens to you? A necessary education for those in an Australian Filipina relationships.    

 

“Let’s eat!”

First time someone said “Let’s eat!” to me, I didn’t know what to say. I’d already eaten, and wasn’t sure if I was supposed to go and join them. But this is what Filipinos do when they’re eating and there’s someone else around. It’s almost automatic. And I can remember another time on Bantayan Island many years ago where one of the locals invited me to come and drink with him and his barkadas (mates) after I bought him 3 bottles of the dreaded Kulafu (tastes like drain cleaner and cost P3 per bottle at the time) so he had something to offer his guests. Gave me a stump to sit on, a glass of this amazing beverage and a lump of pig fat. Fortunately I was able to discard the fat by tossing it under something without anyone seeing me, but I struggled down the drain cleaner. But yes, as I said, Filipinos and generosity/hospitality go hand in hand. Eating by yourself and being oblivious to the needs of others, it just isn’t done. So whether you have an abundance or whether it’s something very humble (like that awful lump of fat), you offer it to whoever is present. Try this little exercise next time you see a Filipino eating something. Ask them what they are eating. And guess what they will do? They will immediately offer some or even all of it to you, without hesitation! Do you know that when particular religious groups come knocking at the door, your average Filipino will invite them in and offer them refreshments? They will do this even if it means they need to politely sit through attempts to convert them, because it would be rude to treat a guest any other way! Does that mean you need to stop what you’re doing? Is it rude to say no? No, not at all. You can always politely decline, and no one will be shocked. And if there’s not much to go around, I’m sure they’re just that little bit grateful to hear that you’re busog (full). Know what’s a bit odd? OK, what do you say if someone offers you something in Australia and you don’t want it? Someone asks “Djawannacuppa?” or “Djawannavegemitesanga?” (I’ll let the Australian husbands explain those) or similar? You say, “Oh, no thanks.” Or “Not at the moment, but thanks anyway” etc. In the Philippines? You sort-of screw up your face and say (in a slightly evil-sounding tone) “I don’t like!” You can imagine my shock first time I heard that! You could think of asking “You don’t?? But you had some just before?” Answer? “I know, but IIIIIIII dooooooooon’t liiiiiiiiiike!” Yes, it means they don’t want it right now! Not that they really detest that particular food or beverage!  

Cultural clashes over Filipino food-sharing

Food is an important thing in the Philippines, obviously stemming a lot from the fact that hunger exists and many live day-to-day. Could well be nothing but rice for dinner. So food is definitely life, and sharing keeps people alive. Having guests over means food. Birthday celebrations means food. Baptisms, weddings, funerals and of course the Barangay Fiesta. First one I went to? Fed beef caldereta at every household I was taken to. Told each lady-of-the-house that hers was the very best and won a few pogi-points. Thought I was going to burst! Again, all about sharing. To shut the door and keep the hungry out would never happen. I can remember a time in the distant past where I was visiting *cough* former girlfriend in Cebu. I don’t know what it is about Cebu, but the lechon manok there (barbequed chicken) was absolutely delicious, and nothing like we have in Luzon. So what did I do whilst staying with her at her parents house? Get a single chicken, and we would eat it. Get enough to share with the parents? Never crossed my mind. I almost wince in embarrassment to think of this now. Shudder to think what they must have thought of my lack of manners. Confusion works both ways, of course. I recall a couple we knew years ago, with the lady being an old friend of Mila’s from Hong Kong. Arrived in Australia and complained to Mila that her husband never “offered her food”. She expected him to say “Let’s eat”, etc. and he didn’t. It’s not that she wasn’t welcome to eat. He just didn’t see the point in saying that to his wife, when he expected her to make herself at home and not wait to be asked. Mila would also be amazed if we visited an Australian’s place and find they’d only made one main course. In Australia we ended up getting a new table, because when we had guests the table and the kitchen bench were full to the point that there was no room for anything else. No chance of actually eating at the table, because there was no room. And at one stage (I’ll get into trouble for this!) a party meant her getting up at 4:00am and becoming a complete food-nazi to everyone in the house, and after the guests had left (along with their doggie-bags of baon), those household would be left with shattered nerves and leftovers to eat for the next week or more. I’ve calmed her down a lot since those scary days, but no one is ever left hungry rest assured. That’s the Filipino way.  

The following article Let’s eat! Food and sharing in the Philippines. wasFind more at: Filipina Wives Marriage Advice Blog

The myth of the rich foreigner from Australia

  The rich foreigner! An important topic to both overseas Filipinos and to their Australian spouses. In short, most of your relatives in the Philippines think you and your Australian husband are rich and have an endless supply of money. They also think it’s OK to share in this wealth freely. And if you're part of an Australian Filipina relationship you need to learn to deal with it.    

 

All foreigners are rich

There is a concept going around that everyone who lives in Australia is rich. The same myth applies to America and other foreign countries. Anyone who lives overseas has a money tree growing in the yard, and nothing is ever too much for them. They have everything, and of course they will share it with you. It’s only fair after all. There is no understanding of the cost of living in Australia. No one could imagine you having to pay $300.00 or more per week in rent, or the cost of owning and running a car. A cappuccino costs you $4.00 to $5.00. A beer could cost you $7.00. Steak costs you $20.00 a kg at the supermarket. There are no cheap tricycle or jeepney rides. Yes, maybe you earn $1,000.00 a week, but it disappears fairly quickly. No one realizes that. And there is this concept of being entitled to share in the good fortune of a relative. What’s mine is yours. They would and have always shared what they had with you, and given that you have more to share then of course the ball is in your court to be more generous. Fortune smiled on you, therefore it’s up to you to help out the family members and to spread that wealth.  

Pasalubong

Pasalubong is a Tagalog word which describes gifts and handouts that a returning rich foreigner or balikbayan (returning countryman) is expected to bring with them. And relatives will often descend on the house of the balikbayan relative expecting this. Children are sometimes encouraged to ask “Where is my gift?” I know! Gets on my nerves too! But if you get annoyed, you will end up with a room full of confused people. This is one of those cultural differences. As an Australian it never occurs to you that you have an obligation to purchase gifts for everyone when you travel, but here it most certainly is. Even taking a trip to another town in the Philippines means purchasing things to distribute on your return. Snack foods such as pili nut candies, dried mangos, buku pie, chicharon, etc as well as caps, tshirts, ornaments, etc are the usual. And it doesn’t end there. I’ve heard of cases of relatives going through the suitcase and just helping themselves, and of saying “I like that shirt. Can I have it?” And of course expecting to be taken to resorts, restaurants, etc during a visit and to have the bill taken care of.  

How to deal with the pasalubong mentality?

Like always, this isn’t meant to be a criticism of Filipino culture, or a “Aussies know best” rant. This is purely cultural, and cultural differences can be confusing and can cause misunderstanding when interpreted according to our own cultural conditioning. If you grow up having been taught to never ask someone for a gift, and you hear a kid literally demanding one? It makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. And if you grew up fiercely independent like most Aussies did, you find the concept of someone wanting to share in the wealth of others a bit of a shock. Aussies are proudly independent, and generally have a don’t-take-handouts mentality. My wife sees her elderly parents. They won’t ever ask for anything, however they appreciate it when they’re given a couple of thousand Pesos. Mila gives as a sign of love, and they take it as just that. We used to visit my mum when she was still alive, and Mila would always try to indirectly stock her pantry without her noticing because she knew she would have said “No thanks, I’m fine!” if she had offered money or anything at all really. So Mila would place new bottles of shampoo in the bathroom, and “forget” when we left. She did the same thing in the food cupboard too. Well, my mother DID notice and no she didn’t like it. To an Aussie it means saying she can’t cope, and an Aussie would rather do-without than to take charity. But as I’ve covered before, the Philippines is an interdependent country. People depend on each other, and they see no indignity in letting those who care about them take care of them when they need. And even if they have less need, the fact that someone remembers them means everything. Sadly though, greed exists and money can corrupt. And poverty combined with jealousy can bring out the worst in people.   Again, how to manage it? Try to see the difference between those who just enjoy that family-thing and those who are parasites and opportunists. Because yes there are those greedy users and abusers around, and every family seems to have a few. The more they get, the more they want. And try to educate them about the realities of your life and let them know that you also need to budget and live within your means just like they do.  

The following article The myth of the rich foreigner from Australia wasSee more at: Filipina Wives Marriage Advice Blog