White man’s colonial mentality in the Philippines

  We white people have a horrible history. Those of us who descended from Europeans have forefathers who colonized other countries, and most countries in Asia were colonized by Europeans over the last few hundred years. The Philippines had the Spanish followed by the Americans. We and our parents and grandparents generally grew up believing that this was somehow OK. We “civilized” them, and they were all so eternally grateful for this.    

  When I was involved with *cough* a previous Filipina girl, I can remember telling my then-90-year-old grandmother about her. And she seriously responded with “Does she do little dances for you?” “Pardon??”, I responded. She proceeded to tell me about when she and her husband took a boat cruise to Fiji once, and how they would visit different islands and how the “natives” there were so pleased to see them they would do “little dances” for them. She assumed much the same from another “native”. A generally kind person, but she grew up with a sense of white-man-superiority. We were the wise ones, and they were the savages in grass skirts who needed our wisdom. Wasn't much I could do to explain the real facts to a 90 year old, but it was creepy.

Inherent racism and superiority mentality

And you only need to scratch the surface of many a white person and you realise that much of this is still there. No slavery or “beat the servant” mentality, but a more subtle patronizing way, and a sense of being entitled to “show them the right way”. Any difference or deviation must mean they are doing it the wrong way, and it’s perfectly OK to correct them and to yell at them if necessary. There is a video getting around at the moment of a Filipino dentist getting shouted and sworn at by an English or Scottish fellow. His staff had politely asked him to park somewhere else, because his patients needed access to his clinic. This fellow thought it was OK to give the dentist a blast. Of course he did! He was white after all! Would he have done the same thing back home? Not a chance! Things are different here. Different priorities. Being on-time, or being highly efficient? Not as important as it tends to be back in Australia, but who is to say it should be? Look around you. Are the Filipino locals as angry as you? Probably not. A short story….. Had to attend court the other day. No, not being locked-up. An adoption matter actually, and I needed to be questioned on an affidavit. I arrive at the court. Our attorney tells the judge that I have a bad back (which I do), and asks if I can be questioned in the car. The judge is OK about it. So prosecutor, stenographer and attorney head out to our car in the car park. Now, honestly, if that was a court in Sydney or Melbourne, how equally accommodating would the sour-faced woman behind the counter be to such a request? Yes, if you were an important witness and you were in a hospital bed, sure. But wouldn’t have had a hope had that just been a matter of discomfort. Here? People are kind! On-time? Always super-efficient? No. Kind? Always! The point being that yes, things are different to “back home”. But that doesn’t make everybody wrong or slack or lazy or stupid. If you want a carbon-copy of Australia, you are in the wrong place. Stay where you are and stick with what you're comfortable with. If you want to visit here and certainly if you wish to live in the Philippines, strongly suggest you open your eyes and open your minds, and like me you may find benefits that outweigh any losses of the things back-home that you liked. I find the kindness of Filipino people outweighs any losses. And going around shouting at Filipino people? This is the sort of thing that could well get you deported and banned from re-entry. Persona non grata is the legal term. Because Filipino people don’t scream abuse at each other over parking spaces. Again, different priorities. Spelling names correctly or ensuring a speedy delivery service, not necessarily. But controlling tempers and foul mouths so as not to upset or scare somebody, most definitely. If you want to visit the Philippines or if you plan to live in the Philippines, it’s up to you to change and it’s up to you to adjust. The country won’t change for you, nor should you expect it to. Do you recognize any “we know best” thinking in yourself? Best to sort that out before you come here, or you’ll end up sour and bitter all the time.      

The following article White man’s colonial mentality in the Philippines wasis available on www.filipinawives.com.au

More “living in the Philippines” for Australian Filipina couples

  The Harvie family have been living in the Philippines full-time just over 7 years now. Right from the start it was intended to be a full-time move, and it remains so. Most people I spoke to who had lived here as Australians in the Philippines for a long time told me that the gloss would rub off and within 3 – 5 years I would hate the place and desperately want to come back, but we’re still here.    

Why do Australians stop living in the Philippines?

This would apply to most westerners (or “foreigners”, as we’re called here) living in the Philippines, but I’m an Aussie and so are most of the readers of FilipinaWives so I say “Australians”. Why would an Aussie say “had enough” and go back to Australia after a plan to settle here?  

Money issues in the Philippines

Yes, clearly I would think money would be the number one reason to stop living in the Philippines. You can live cheaply here, or you can live the high life. All extremes are possible. The issue is when someone has needs and wants which are more costly than their income. Many an Aussie comes here with rose-coloured glasses on, believing that life here will be an extension of their trips here. The reality is that many underestimate living costs and overestimate their financial capability. This applies both to those on fixed incomes like pensions, and to those who think they'll make a successful business here.  

Pressure from Filipino families

This would probably be the number two reason, although in some families it may be number one to cease living in the Philippines. And this will depend largely on where the priorities of you Filipina wife lie. I have a very loyal wife, and her relatives all know this. Our nuclear family, ie Mila and myself and our kids, they always come first. The wants and needs of the relatives come a clear second, and they know this too. They don’t even suggest that they get handouts or special favours under the table, and in fact I’m more generous toward them than Mila is. This is not the case in every Australian Filipina relationship here, though. Many a Filipino family regards the Australian husband as balato (a lucky windfall that they all get to share in, like a lottery win), and many a wife….especially a younger wife…..has difficulty in saying NO. If you can’t be confident that you won’t be abused by mooching relatives, you are better off not coming here in the first place. If you’re not sure, this should be something you and your wife discuss long before you come here. When I first met my inlaws many years ago and there were some clashes of expectation, I told her she needed to choose where her loyalty would lie because she couldn’t expect to please everybody. Fortunately she chose well. Not all ladies do.  

The ”dignified poor” Filipinos versus the “beggars”

I discussed this issue with Mila yesterday. She grew up in a nipa hut. Mum and dad and nine kids. Mila at 7 years old with one of her sisters used to walk around the town selling food that her mother had cooked, and she did this before she went to school. She washed clothes by hand for the neighbours when she was only a few years older. This was her life. I asked her if her parents or older siblings had ever encouraged her to beg? Ever send her to win favour with wealthier relatives or neighbours in order to get a handout? Never! We have relatives and relatives-of-relatives as well as those very keen on being friendly with us, and it’s been for the sole purpose of begging favours, handouts, gifts and support. You could just about cut the insincerity with a knife. I don’t blame the kids. They’re just doing what they’re told to do. I feel sorry for them being trained to be beggars, and I have nothing but contempt for the parents using the kids in such a way. This can certainly make life here very difficult for Australian expats. Best advice? If you think you may want to live in Philippines, then great. You may be one of the successful ones, and I hope you are. I think this is a wonderful place to live. But do yourselves a favour and try living here for a year before you make a full commitment. Don’t burn your bridges.  

The following article More “living in the Philippines” for Australian Filipina couples wasis republished from Filipina Wives Blog