The Filipino Comfort Room – The great oxymoron

 

The Filipino Comfort Room (CR)

Australian slang has so many words for that room with a toilet in it. The dunny. The loo. The bog. The thunder box. Most of us Aussies could prattle off about another 10 - 15 without even straining the brain. In the Philippines they call it the "Comfort Room" (or CR). Maybe it's just me, but I can think of many places more comfortable! Read and learn if you are in an Australian Filipina relationship, as you will need to face this several times a day when you visit anywhere other than a flash hotel in the Philippines.      

Some Comfort Room peculiarities

Goodness me! Where does one start? I wasn't too shocked when I first came across one of these little rooms. I had traveled in Asia in my youth before I came here, and after a public dunny under the streets in what was then Bombay that contained beggars, it takes a bit to shock me. I think one in an Auntie's house in Pasig where there was no light and where everything was as wet as a limestone cave was probably one of the worst. It's the lack of dryness which probably bothers me the most, so I can start there. Yes, Philippines CR's are a damp affair. Water everywhere! And trying to emerge without looking like you still 2 years old with a lack of bladder control, this can be difficult. I detest it when my shorts become a blotter for toilet floor water. I don't know why it is that a trip to the bog for a Filipino necessitates getting water a metre-and-a-half up four walls as well as creating a swimming pool on the floor. They usually have small bottoms. How much water is actually needed?  

Bum-washing rather than dunny paper

I've long thought this was a more hygienic practice than the western practice of using a roll of semi-absorbent paper to clean such a grubby area. I won't go into graphic detail, but obviously a good dousing with water will be cleaner and more effective. The inventor of the dunny roll makes me think of the inventor of the chopstick. Who ever agreed with them that these were fantastic ideas?? Water was already invented, for goodness sakes! In the Philippines, they have a bucket and a tabo. This is a little plastic dipper with a handle, which normally sits in a bucket of water under the single solitary tap. The idea is to tip or toss water onto the icky regions and to give a good wash with the hand. Pretty straight forward.

The 4 CR essentials!

The Filipino Toilet Bowl

An Aussie will notice a lack of what we consider essentials, namely a cistern and a seat! There's also a complete lack of design flair. We purchased one for a local school once. Cost P500.00, so I suppose you get what you pay for. This is part of why I say that the word "comfort" in "Philippines Comfort Room" makes it a serious oxymoron. So you can either sit on this charming little bowl, or you can do what most of the locals do and squat on it. Ever used one and wondered why it looked like there were dirty footprints on the two side edges? Probably because that WAS dirty footprints on the two side edges! So you do what you need to do....give a good wash of your nether-regions with the tabo.....and you hoick the rest of the bucket contents down the bowl with sufficient enthusiasm to send your contribution down the pipes and out of site! This may take a few goes, and don't be surprised when it never looks Harpic-fresh!  

Comfort issues in the Philippines CR

Can you use toilet paper? I told my two sons on their first visit to the Philippines that the plumbing here only used 50mm piping, so that use of dunny paper would block up the toilet. Should have seen the look of horror on their faces! Fortunately I was only making it up so as to make them panic! Sewer piping here is 100mm just as it is in Australia. It can normally cope with paper, just as it can back home. I suppose you just need to be aware that flinging a bucket of water down there doesn't create the same force as a damned good flush of an Aussie cistern. So copious amounts of paper coupled with minimal water pressure may cause some issues. There is a strange custom particularly in public CR's of asking CR-patrons to toss their used paper into a waste bin there. Why? I have NO idea! YUCK!! I repeat, YUCK!!!!! There is no practical reason for this, though. How do you keep your clothes dry? Not always easy! I have a mop permanently in our downstairs bathroom at home here. Some dunnies, especially service station dunnies when traveling, I walk in......and walk straight out of. Some literally have an inch of water on the floor. As a general rule, the art seems to be to lower the pants with one hand, and hold them up with the other. And to use, say, left hand to hold up the clothing away from the soggy floor and to never let it go. Or if you DO happen to find a dry patch, you can always remove them and leave them there until you're ready to put them back on again. But dry patches are rare in the ocean that is the Philippines comfort room! The bum sprayer, bum washer, or "hand bidet" If you are in a more luxurious Philippines bathroom, you may well find one of these handy little items. Consider buying some at the hardware and taking them back to Australia, as they are brilliant! Don't buy extra-cheap flimsy ones, or you will regret it. I think you can figure it out!

Showering, or "taking a bath"

The Filipino CR is also a place of bathing.....showering......"taking a bath", as Filipinos call washing yourself. No bathtubs. Rarely a shower. Even more rare to have hot water. See that single tap, the bucket and the tabo? THAT is generally the shower. The instruments of comfort! This is what is sometimes known in other parts of the world as a "bucket bath". How? You squat down on the floor. You tabo the water from the bucket over yourself. You soap yourself up. You use the tabo to rinse the soap off. You're done! And yes, the water is nice and cold! Some may add some boiling water to it to take the freezing edge off it, but most simply tough it out. And before you scream like a schoolgirl, remember that your delicate little Filipina lady did the same thing today probably just before you did without making a sound. Don't embarrass yourself, man!   By the way. A little funny story. Here you will often see a roll of toilet paper in someones house. They will refer to it as "tissue", because a tissue, a dunny roll and a serviette here are all called "tissue". This is therefore "tissue". But here the bog roll is used for nose-wiping, hand-wiping, polishing things and general cleaning. One of my daughters was shocked to see it hanging up on a holder in our CR when she first arrived from the province. Silliest thing she'd seen in a long time, she thought. Why would you put it in the CR? Had no concept of it being used to wipe the bum with. So as usual in the Philippines, keep your sense of humour. You're going to need it!            

The following article The Filipino Comfort Room – The great oxymoron wasis republished from Filipina Wives

Loaning money in the Philippines – The pitfalls

  The Philippines is a poor country. To most Filipinos, you as an Australian will be…..or at least appear….to be very rich! So you will always have people wanting to borrow money from you. Sometimes they are sincere, and other times they are just taking advantage of your perceived huge Australian wallet. How to handle it? Important lessons here for anyone in an Australian Filipina relationship.  

The results of me trying to draw with a mouse-pointer!

   

Filipinos wanting to borrow money. What do you do?

The Philippines is a poor country. Many Filipinos live day to day, and sometimes even those who are professionals will tend to spend rather than save. They have money in their pocket, and they go to Starbucks. They land a job, and they get a motorbike with a loan to pay off. The neighbor buys a new car, so they go and get a new car…with a loan to pay off. Then the school feels come up. Or someone gets sick and ends up in hospital. There’s no money, so they end up on your doorstep trying to borrow money. And you find yourself in a position where you have a harsh decision to make, often at the last minute, whether to say yes or no. It occurred to me when I thought about this that there are six people in the Philippines who are alive today because of us. Three of them are children who now live with us. One is a child who spent a year living with us. Two are adults who are alive today 10 years afterwards. There are also two adults who didn’t make it, despite us providing money. So at least I know that those situations were real.  

Real need or scam? The quandary!

I’m happy to be generous. Part of the effect of being with my wonderful Filipina wife (plus my Christian faith, which I won’t bother anyone with today) is that I’m a fairly generous and caring dude, and my wife Mila is the most caring and generous person I’ve ever known. So we’re always happy to help where we can. But one thing I cannot stand is being played, scammed or conned! Cannot stand it at all. The quandary is that unless it’s someone you’ve had a good track record with, you don’t know if the need is genuine or if you are being fed a sad story. The cliché in the Philippines is the “sick carabao” story. Invariably it’s something either heart-wrenching, eg. someone sick in hospital and will die otherwise, or school fees and child will miss out on education, or possibly something that hits your inner-entrepreneur when they tell you of the great business they want to start so they can take care of their family properly. The problem is you find yourself stuck between a rock and a hard place! Do you take the risk and bear the possible tragic consequences? The Philippines doesn’t have the same welfare-state provisions as Australia does. How does your conscience cope if something bad happens and you didn’t help? Again, if you know them and believe them? Then the decision is yours, and your conscience plus the size of your bank balance will help you decide. Always exercise prudence though, especially if you live here in the Philippines and where ending up flat on your face due to over-generosity may be something very hard to recover from. Even if your intentions are as pure as freshly fallen snow, accept that you won’t be much help to your extended Filipino family in the future if you go broke this time. No one has a bottomless pit of money. I know we don’t!  

The scammers and the liars

You usually learn who they are the hard way. They con you. They get away with it. Hopefully you learn. The Jeff Harvie way? Loan them a small amount first time they ask. Then wait and see what happens. We have a niece who tried that out on us. Borrow a thousand pesos, and will pay it back next month? Sure! Next month? Can I borrow another P1,000.00? No! Then we had her sick kid with Tuberculosis (TB)! The conscience said “Maybe it’s true, and not prepared to take the risk”! Turns out child had been getting treatment already, and thought they could then get it for free via the rich white Australian uncle. And to me? A skinny Filipino kid with a fat mother means is not a real charity case! OK, it cost us a few thousand pesos. But we now know exactly what she is made of! It will never happen again. To me, I think it’s wrong to reward anyone for scamming and lying, as you only encourage them to do more of it. You’re standing in the way of them ever waking up to themselves or becoming responsible and self-reliant.  And I’m talking scammers here. Not those who work as hard as they can, but the reality of their lack of education etc. keeps them down. I’m talking about those who suck up to you and tell you the sad stories so they can manipulate your emotions. They smile sweetly. They sing your praises to your face. And the other things about loans to Filipino scammers? Not only won’t you see it again, you will become the scum of the earth when you finally say “No more loans!” We just had someone pay us back P100,000.00 that we loaned them……10 years before! Paid it back because they incorrectly thought we were talking about them behind their backs and they wanted to save face (hiya), and now they hate us with a passion. Yes, there’s always hiya issues when it comes to loans. Damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. You will definitely offend someone when you say no, but at least you get to keep your dignity intact, and you don’t reward someone for doing the wrong thing!    

The following article Loaning money in the Philippines – The pitfalls wasRead more at: Jeff Harvie of Down Under Visa

Romantic, old-fashioned girls in the Philippines

  The times they are a’changing, of course. Facebook and access to the internet has exposed the Philippines to changing moral values, yet Filipina girls are mostly still old fashioned romantics at heart. Romantic Filipinas wherever you look.    

 

Filipina girls and morality

I wrote an article recently about the decline in morality in the Philippines amongst young people, and I stand by that. Please read HERE if you haven’t already done so. The Philippines used to be the bastion of innocence. If a girl wasn’t married, good chance she was still a virgin waiting on Mr Right to come and ask her parents if he may court her. She would go on dates with you if she had a chaperone with her, and as long as her parents knew when she would be home. Since then? Facebook and Nicki Minaj videos and Miley Cyrus “discovering who she is” through promiscuity. These are the new role models, instead of their virtuous mothers and grandmothers. Let me explain why I think this is sad, and also why I think there’s still hope.  

Filipina girls are romantic

A “tough” attitude toward morality may well work for some women. There are tough women out there in the world, no doubt. Nicki and Beyonce are probably pretty tough. But it is doomed to failure when the girl is soft-hearted and romantic by nature, and that’s what the average Filipina girl is. I’m realizing lately that Filipina girls, even the younger millennials (teens to maybe mid to late 20’s), haven’t actually changed much in essence. The very fact that they still use the word “courting” is a bit of a hint. In most cases? Most Filipinas give their hearts once! They fall for a chap, and they hang on for dear life. Bed-hopping and having sex as a “good way to pass the time”? Rarely! Most girls fall head over heels for a boy or man, and they can and will love him for the rest of their lives. How about the young men of the Philippines? Is the average Filipino male a soft-hearted romantic? No. No, sadly not. And this is especially so when he’s young and at his most virile. He’s much the same as any other teenage to mid 20’s young men. He’s on the hunt, and he wants to populate the world. The more the merrier. And what could be better for him in this quest than a large number of romantic females who have new-found sexual freedom and Miley in their ears singing “It’s our party we can love who we want”? And at the end of the day, are these girls actually getting what they want? Most of the ones I see are ending up miserable, because the boys are not in love at all. They want sex, and they get sex by claiming they’re in love. And the girls believe this. And if the boys cheat on the girl and get caught out? They tell the girl how sorry they are, and she forgives them! And it keeps on going until the girl joins the expanding (literally!) crowd of Filipina single mothers. Because these fine young men don’t like using condoms and the girls accept this!  

The good thing about romantic Filipinas

You were probably wondering where I was going with this. Yes, I was having a bit of a rant because I find the whole thing sad. Lovely girls trying out cool new ideas and making themselves miserable in the process. And young men acting like animals with no restraint because of this. Boys have conquest stories to tell, whilst girls get broken hearts. What’s the positive side? The positive side is that a romantic girl is a great catch for a decent man with a soft heart, and that describes most Australian men. The average Aussie male is a fairly straight-forward and often unrefined sort of bloke, but with a kind and honest nature. And decades of rampant feminism have made many of us really crave a good woman who will treat us with kindness and sweetness. And once we find her, we treasure her and will happily take care of her. Combine this with a romantic girl who wants a knight in shining armour to sweep her up, marry her and build a family with her, and you have a great combination. Keep treating her well, and that old-fashioned and romantic nature will remain. Always tell her you love her. Never stop “dating” with your wife. And never forget how incredibly lucky you are, and be sure to tell her regularly. Do this and you’ll have many happy years.    

The following blog post Romantic, old-fashioned girls in the Philippines was first published on Jeff Harvie of Down Under Visa