Philippines Medical Issues and Doctors

  Filipinos get sick like everybody else does. The Philippines itself is a crowded place, and probably the fact that there is less space between people means that people catch bugs regularly. So if you have a Filipina sweetheart, you will have to deal with her getting sick sometimes. And every Australian man in an Australian Filipina relationship needs to learn a few peculiarities about Philippines medical issues and doctors.    

 

Being OA – Over-Acting

I will tell everyone who asks that your average Filipina is a survivor and a pretty capable lady. Usually a pretty lady too, but that’s off-track. If she needs to stand in queues all day or take long bus trips or work long hours, yes she can do so. However if she feels unwell, will she put on a brave face and say the Tagalog equivalent of “She’ll be right!”? Not likely! Not with her man especially. She will moan and groan. She will cry easily. She may look like she’s about to fall off the perch. Then she will burp and say she feels better now! Don’t apply this rule-of-thumb to each and every situation, of course. You may miss something serious, and I don’t want you blaming poor Jeff for it! Take note that Filipina ladies love being fussed-over by a loving and caring man, so I do suspect that this may be part of it. But do yourselves a favour and learn the difference between a bit of OA, and a genuine need for medical attention. It can take you years to work out, let me tell you!  

Generic Medicine and Self-Prescribing

This is a country where you can buy most medicines over the counter at the pharmacy with no prescription. No strong painkillers or sedatives, but things like antibiotics? Most definitely. So people self-prescribe. Let me explain what’s wrong with that! Generic Medicine: What this means is cheap drugs with questionable quality coming in from China mostly. So whilst it may be the right drug, it might be ineffective on the disease. As far as I can gather, you can reasonably rely on the larger pharmacy chains. Need to avoid the generic medicine places. Relying on unqualified advice: Relying on the neighbor telling you that Amoxicillin will work, or taking what they took for their condition which surely must be the same as yours! If it’s the wrong medicine it simply won’t do anything, obviously. And the danger with antibiotics is the build-up of drug-resistant bacteria out there. I’ll explain that shortly! Only taking until you feel better: Very common scenario. Go to the chemist/pharmacy in the Philippines and ask for a particular medicine and they will ask you how many you want! Seriously! In Australia? You get the box, and with antibiotics you know you need to finish the entire course whether you feel better or not. Here? You get as many or as few as you can afford, and then stop. Common with blood pressure (hypertension) or “high blood” as it’s called here. People take the medicine when they feel bad, and stop taking it as soon as they feel better. Very dangerous!  

Drug-Resistant Organisms

I mentioned Amoxicillin before. It’s even available in some sari sari stores here, and it’s the stock standard antibiotic that most Filipino grandmas and helpful neighbors will suggest. And there are plenty of cheap generics around too. AND people may only take 3 – 4 of them when they get sick. Drug resistance means that if you go in to wipe out some bacteria with a weak dose of a broad-spectrum antibiotic (like Amoxicillin) and you wipe out half the population of bacteria, which ones do you think survive? The stronger ones, obviously. And if you keep using the same drug time and time again, then some of the surviving bacteria….the tough guys…..may manage to form genetic mutations which are totally unaffected by that drug. Your doctor will know when an organism is showing resistance, and will prescribe something else which is more likely to wipe out even the mutating tough-guy bacteria. In other words, minimum dosing with poor quality medicine just makes the bugs stronger and harder to control. A dangerous game for an amateur to play!  

Avoidance of doctors

I suppose much of this comes from being short of money. Remember that this is a country where there is no Medicare or Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme like there is in Australia. Going to the doctor costs money. Proper medication costs money. Blood tests, ECG’s, XRAYs, etc, these all cost money. So much of this would have come from a history of not being able to afford proper treatment, so you will generally find the scenario is something like this: “Ohhhh, aray ko! Masakit!.......” and the sounds of suffering. You say “You better go to the doctor!”, and you will get “Nooooooooo. No, not the doctor. No, I’ll be fine!” Sound familiar, gentlemen? Most of us know that most medical conditions can be treated and managed when you get onto them quickly. Many conditions left untreated can deteriorate and cause death, and this happens in the Philippines all the time. High blood pressure (hypertension, “high blood”): Often undiagnosed, and often unmedicated. Diets high in salt and high in fat play a part, and untreated can lead to strokes and heart attacks. Diabetes: Eating absurdly large quantities of rice, too much sugar, fried foods and assorted junk food. Untreated leads to amputations, blindness and plenty of other nasties. Breast cancer and cervical cancer: Ask your lady if she’s ever had a pap smear, or if she knows how to check her boobs for lumps? I bet the answer is NO. Ask her right now, and you may be in for a shock.   You put the hard yards in meeting a wonderful lady, developing a precious relationship and struggling through the visa minefield so you can lead a happy life. Make sure you take care of her and make sure she takes care of herself so you can enjoy each other for a very long time.    

The following blog post Philippines Medical Issues and Doctors wasRead more at: Filipina Wives

Bukas na lang! Impulsive Filipinos

  I write many an article about life in the Philippines and about understanding Filipino culture and mindset, and I can see a positive side to most things. Wonderful, kind-hearted people who have a lot to teach us hard-hearted “foreigners”, as I’m sure most involved in Australian Filipina relationships learn to realise. But this is one area where I must admit I find myself struggling to understand, and that is why Filipinos tend to act with impulsiveness with little to no thought of long-term ramifications and sometimes tragic results that hurt them more than anybody else.    

  “Bukas na lang” means “Ahhhh, leave it for tomorrow.” Let’s not think about it today. Again, I love this place and I love the Filipino people here. This is my home. But my goodness, I find this so difficult. What I’m talking about is Filipinos making decisions to suit right now, and to hell with the consequences. Sometimes this is tied-up with pride, hurt feelings, etc. See the previous article on “onion skin” and how easy it is for Filipinos to get their feelings hurt, and how this can lead to careless decisions. But it’s not just that. It applies to so many things. There’s a lack of forward planning, and decisions are made without considering consequences in the short or long term.  

Impulsive behavior - Filipinos AND Australians

We can all be impulsive. Our emotions and our hormones can make us do stupid things which we later regret. Those Australian men who’ve got themselves involved with a pretty girl who’s just plain wrong for them because her attractiveness made our brains switch off, yes I’m sure they (We? Yes, I’ve done it too!) can relate to the folly of impulsiveness. Fear can be a motivator too, ie. fear of losing what appears a great deal. If we’re angry we can say things we wouldn’t normally say. But most of the time we try not to do this, and we try to consider the medium and long terms. Filipinos though? I suppose maybe its emotion (ie fear, pride, love/desire, anger, embarrassment, etc) which motivates a lot of short-term decisions. There just seems to be less decisiveness in trying to avoid rash decisions than you will see in your average Aussie. Emotions tend to rule the day, and very little is done to fight this. Little in the way of internal struggle, or even useful advice beyond the clichéd mutterings of “He/she is not thinking of his/her future!”  

You are not thinking of your future!

Has everyone heard this one? This is what they say when the teenage girl drops out of college because she’s pregnant to her boyfriend. Their situation caused not only by sexual attraction, but by a lack of planning…..family planning! He didn’t bring condoms. She never insisted on them! But whether it’s that, or the kid simply not taking studies seriously, or tossing in a job opportunity because it meant would miss the family and friends, that’s the common response. Everyone says they were not “thinking of their future”, but this often lacks weight because the person who says it rarely thinks of their own future either. Before I came here permanently, and when I had just been a frequent visitor, I still thought mostly as an Aussie. How else could I? I grew up in Australia! In Australia I was always acutely aware of the “wolf at the door”. Always aware that the world was a scary place, and that it would eat you alive without you having security and stability. House….money in the bank….safety from the elements and from “bad guys”, etc. Yet Australia has safety nets that the Philippines doesn’t have. You can’t “get the dole” or be placed in a nice housing commission house if you find yourself on the street with no money. Here? No money and no house means you go hungry and you may sleep in the rain. Is that enough to motivate the average person, especially those with family to support, to work hard and to hang onto a job? Not necessarily. I can remember a job I had years ago in Sydney. Had wife and baby at home at the time. I was in my 20’s and it was the late 80’s. And no, I didn’t have a mullet hairstyle. I was just a whole lot slimmer. I had a manager at work insult me, and he did it in front of others. And I sat there and took it. Would have liked to have got up and told him to stick the job where the sun didn’t shine, but no I sat there in silence. Because if I had done so, I would have let my family down and our future plans to move up to QLD when we had enough money for a house deposit would have been put off for maybe years. And that would never have been OK.  

Here? Let’s think of some occasions of Filipinos not “thinking of their future”:

• Had a driver (with wife and two kids) try to side-swipe a motorbike in our car (with child passenger) because the motorbike driver had given him “the dirty finger”. I shouted at our driver and told him never to do a thing like that again. Later had his wife text message us with his resignation, because his feelings were hurt. He went back to driving his tricyle.
• Same driver it seems had a few arguments with a subdivision guard. Went home…got a gun….pointed it at the guard’s head. Fortunately his late-father was in the NBI, so his old mates collected his home armory and no charges were laid, or he would have been in jail now over hurt feelings.
• Office security guard learns someone is squatting in his house in the province. Gets on the bus. Gets a gun. Fully intends shooting the squatters. Not sure why he didn’t succeed, but nearly did. Also a family man, and would have dumped his family because his anger won the day.
• Domestic helper with six kids, useless husband (doesn’t work, and has mistresses). Lived in poverty, and resembled a broomstick. Worked with us. Good salary. Had plans for building a proper house. Husband tells her to come visit. Fakes having a stroke (yes, I’m serious!), which the doctor identified in examination as fake. Did all this because she loved him and missed him, and lost what would have been long-term employment and a good future for kids.

  Basically, we’ve had to learn how to talk to staff very carefully and at the same time expect to see good employees throw everything away if they feel embarrassed or get their feelings hurt. Hang the consequences. Forget about taking it on the chin, because life is just like that. Forget what ol’ Malcolm Fraser said about “Life was not meant to be easy”! We already have to put up with staff needing to take days off because it’s their birthday, or it’s their child’s birthday, or someone asked them to be a bridesmaid at their wedding which is taking place on a work day. We’ve had staff telling us they wanted to visit their mum for her birthday in the province the evening before. Me? I sit here and work when I have a fever, or with a bad headache, or when my back is giving me merry hell. Because if I don’t do what is required, then my business will suffer and my clients will go elsewhere. Who could blame them? And that’s just reality. Yes, getting a little off-track here onto work-ethic issues, but it’s all part of it. I really do wonder why so many Filipinos take the path of least resistance. There is a wolf at the door in Australia, but there’s a whole pack of Filipino wolves here in the and they have rabies! Let your emotions get the better of you in the Philippines, and you lose out badly! And no, sadly I don’t have any answers. If you intend to have dealings with Filipinos, you can expect to come across this difficult phenomena.  

The following post Bukas na lang! Impulsive Filipinos wasis courtesy of Jeff Harvie of Down Under Visa

The Filipino Finders Fee! Microeconomy at its most dubious!

  I’m an Australian through and through, and where I come from you never try to rip off a mate. Business is business, and we’re all entitled to earn a living, but when it comes to friends, family and neighbours we take a different approach. And so do many in the Philippines, but not everyone! There are those who always have their hands out for a finders fee, and those in Australian Filipina relationships need to learn about this.  

Look a little familiar??

   

What is a finders fee? Is it a commission?

OK, of course it’s easy to criticize when you’re in the luxurious position of being able to say “Oh, no. That’s OK. I don’t want any money.” And it’s a lot harder when you are living day-to-day. Life can be very hard in the Philippines, and there is a distinct lack of safety nets. However for many, they could do better if they thought beyond the immediate opportunities and reaped the longer-term rewards that come from integrity. What it means essentially that there are people here in the Philippines who will always “top up” a cost, so as to include something for themselves, or they’ll just outwardly ask for their cut. In most cases not something that bothers the locals very much, because they come to expect it. And they may even do the same thing themselves, so don’t see the problem. And of course if someone genuinely works for something, they are entitled to make some money. You get someone running errands, standing in lines, negotiating on your behalf, well then sure. If they didn’t include it in the price at the start, you would tend to give them a decent tip anyway. The one that’s annoying is the unearned or barely-earned fee. The Filipino who does practically nothing, then wants to profit from it.  

Examples of questionable finders fees

• “Hello neighbour! Do you know a good plumber?” Neighbour texts a plumber he knows. Plumber turns up and works. At the end of the job, the neighbor hits up the plumber for a finders fee.
• We had a driver once who used to tell businesses that we dealt with that they were the one who directed us to go there, and would stick his hand out for payment.
• Same driver found a masseuse for Mila who would come to the house. Used to get a cut each and every time the masseuse came here.
• Needed an NSO birth certificate for our daughter Remy (many years back). A relative volunteered. She was late-registered, and relative claimed the birth certificate became more expensive the later it was registered. Would have simply paid her for her time if she had asked, but it was the lying that I never quite forgot.
• Distant relative told us of a farm for sale in the province. A bit of a bargain. Did nothing more than this. Found out later wanted a HUGE cut from the seller. On principle we just walked away.

 

Finders fees. The problem.

Again, this is mainly a problem when you don’t expect it. Australians traditionally don’t work that way. You help out a mate, and you are 100% upfront with them. If you help them pour a concrete slab, you are happy with beer and a good feed at the end. You also know you can count on them if you need help, in the same way that Filipinos accumulate utang na loob. However that’s very much a back-of-the-mind thing. If you never need help with concreting, it would never bother you. We loaned some money to a very honorable couple of relatives recently. They wanted to let us plant rice on their farm in return. Mila told them directly that I would never even think of that. Aussies don’t make profit from those we are close to. It doesn’t feel right. And decent Filipinos feel the same. But there are always those who don’t.  

Back to those you could, should, or with time will come to expect it from!

You can expect the taxi driver who suggests a particular hotel to come in with you when you check in, and get a little handout. You may have a guard at the airport who suggests a particular hotel and says “Give them this card”, which is a card with his name on. Yes, he’s organizing a payment for himself later. If someone at the hotel offers to organize a beautician to do a manicure for your wife, they will get a small cut. If a staff member asks if you need a good money changer, they have some in mind who will give them a handout. When you’ve been here long enough, you know this and it doesn’t bother you. I actually admire this, because they’re showing some initiative. They help me out, and they make a bit. I’m fine with that. And at the end of the day, they’re just trying to support their families a little bit better. And again, to me? Business is business. Where I have a problem is when it’s someone whom you trust, or where it’s a blatant ripoff. Or when it’s an employee of yours making profit in excess of the salary you pay them. The other thing is when they see the white man foreigner and they go for the big rip-off. The taxi driver who charges 10 times the prices because he may just get away with it. Makes a big profit today if he gets away with it, but will never get repeat business. No doubt hard to resist when the opportunity is there, but there is this thing called integrity. Those who do act with integrity and don’t take advantage of short-term opportunities can instead win the trust of those around them and build a strong reputation for honest dealing which will pay off far more over time.    

The following post The Filipino Finders Fee! Microeconomy at its most dubious! wasFind more at: Jeff Harvie of Down Under Visa

Personal Hygiene And Disease Control in the Philippines

  You're probably wondering how on earth I could make an issue out of personal hygiene amongst Filipinos, right? This is a country full of sweet-smelling and clean people, no question about it. Despite the tropical heat, you very rarely smell a stinky armpit! No one wears dirty clothes with stains. No one has dirty shoes. Schoolkids go to school with toothbrushes and toothpaste for after lunch. And ladies generally take care of their “lady-areas” very well, and that's all I'll say on that subject.    

  Yes, the level of personal hygiene has long impressed me here. When you would see girls walking out of slum areas on the way to work looking immaculate, and kids school uniforms crisp and white. I think of my years as a single dad, and never working out how someone could get sweat stains out of collars. My boys school shirts always had stains, but then as a parent in Australia I wasn't alone. Wouldn't cut it here in the Philippines at all! But the issue for this article is not with body-cleanliness matters, but more about avoiding sharing disease and infection from one person to another, and it’s something that Australian Filipina couples should be aware of.  

Sharing diseases in the Philippines

Blunt heading, but this is the issue! Filipinos are a bit too relaxed when it comes to controlling the spread of bacteria and diseases amongst each other. The Philippines has a high incidence of Hepatitis. Hepatitis B, 1 in 7 adults in the Philippines have it! This compares with about 1 in 100 in Australia. There's also Hepatitis A and Hepatitis C, Tuberculosis and rising rates of HIV. This is accentuated by poverty, of course. Filipinos have a habit of sharing food and drink with each other, and this is a great way to spread disease! Hep B and TB can be spread by saliva! Drink out of the same bottle or dip your saliva-covered utensils or eating-fingers into the same plate or "banana leaf" of food, and you most definitely WILL share saliva with others. And people do this all the time. Filipinos are a sociable people, and sharing food is as natural as breathing. Arrive anywhere when food is being eaten, and you will be invited to share it. Comment on what a Filipino is eating, and they will offer you some and expect you to dig right in. And the same thing when you are eating something, don't be too surprised if someone wants to taste it. And small children, ie. those under 10, are often fed very informally by whoever is there. If a child is in reach, it's normal practice to get a bit of food off your plate (by utensils or eating-fingers) and stick it in the child's mouth. And if the child wants something you are eating, don't be too surprised to find that small child with mouth open in front of you. I'm not comfortable with this for a number of reasons, and spread of disease is one of them. For any of you with kids here in Philippines, you absolutely must train them not to share food or drink with their friends at school. Taking a bite of what someone else is eating, or drinking from someone else's cup or bottle is very common. My girls will tend to just give the bottle to the other kid and say "keep it", because fortunately they listened to me. And no one is allowed to feed our kids from their plates.  

The kitchen sink

This is another area that tends to trouble me, and is why I've insisted that everyone in our household washes hands in the bathroom and not in the kitchen sink. And let me explain why this can lead to disease. Has everyone heard of E. coli? I think most know that this is a bacteria which is quite capable of causing you to be very ill, and in some cases even kill you. Some issues? It comes from fecal matter, ie. it comes from poo. And that means you wash your hands after using the toilet and you may have poo under your nails. It's known as a thermotolerant coliform. A "coliform" is a type of bacteria, and thermotolerant means it tolerates hotter-than-normal heat. In fact you need to subject it to 70 degrees Celcius for a couple of minutes to kill it. And that's pretty hot! And before you think that washing in hot water will control E. coli, you can’t wash up in 70 degree water! You can tolerate 42 – 44 degree water, and that’s about it! The issue is therefore that washing your toilet-hands in the kitchen sink, realize you or someone in the household could end up sick as a result. And it’s not just E. coli. There are plenty of ordinary bacteria from dirty hands from ordinary daily activity that you would be better off not on the drinking glasses. I hope this article prompts a bit of awareness of this issue, and that it leads to a few positive changes.  

The following post Personal Hygiene And Disease Control in the Philippines wasRead more at: Filipina Wives Blog

Traps with Philippines charity

  The Philippines is a land of contrasts. It’s still the third-world, despite what is considered a rapidly growing economy. Plenty who drive Ferraris and Porches, but there remain those who live on the street or scrounge through garbage looking for something to sell, so plenty of opportunity for Philippines charity. Decent Australian men in Australian Filipina relationships naturally want to do something to make it better, but is there a right way and a wrong way to go about this?     I’ve long been a follower of the man from Galilee, and despite being also a believer in working hard and taking responsibility for your lot in life, there are many who had an unfairly rough start in life and it’s our duty to help out where we can. Loving our neighbor means not turning our backs when we have the opportunity to be kind and to make up inequities. Our own blessings should be shared, and if all of those of us who do OK in life and have a bit left over could share that with those who are not so fortunate, there would be no poverty in the world. And hence one of the problems. With kids, you need to accept that they did nothing to create their situation through laziness and/or poor decisions. They were born into their current situation, and if you can help them then you most certainly should. We have a house full of kids we didn’t make ourselves, and I think we always will. And we have other kids that don’t live here but we help with education expenses.  

Helping those less fortunate in Philippines – Problems?

It all really stems around who you should help. From being here as long as we have, this has been the lesson. Whenever someone is here and willing to help, there is always someone there willing to take advantage. And as per usual, the problem starts when the Australian man, who is just an ordinary man in Australia, forgets that here he isn’t see as that ordinary man anymore. Here he will always be the rich man, and those in need will be very aware of this. And as I said above, kids by themselves won’t take advantage of you. They also did nothing to create the situation they found themselves born into. And not all, but many adults have made their own bed and really need to either lie in it or make some changes themselves. But many of them are only willing to take handouts and you may be only encouraging and supporting laziness and bad choices.  

Charities in Philippines

When we first moved here we found a charity funded by a UK-based international charity, and managed by an English fellow who wasn’t lacking in means himself. They took in homeless kids from the local dump site. These were scavengers who made their living scouring the garbage mountains and collecting what they could sell. Great bunch of kids, and we enjoyed visiting. And we were more than willing to make life better for them. Organised a medical and dental mission there, with a very kind doctor and equally kind dentist. And we had plans of getting them all new mattresses and bedding. In both cases, the staff were quick to come back to us with costings for both medical/dental treatment and for bedding. But what they didn’t like was that we were prepared to bring THINGS (ie. doctors, medicine, bedding, and we would arrive laden with fresh fruit, etc). They wanted us to bring CASH and not ask any questions. The last time we visited, the kids all stayed upstairs and my poor wife was left ignored downstairs. So yes, we parted company after that. And had a similar one with a charity that would go out and provide food for the hungry. They had purchased land, and were building a pretty nice centre, complete with their own residence included. Seemed like nice people. And I’m fairly sure the American gentlemen who was the public front was sincere, however it was obvious that donations didn’t necessarily end up where they were meant to go, and the feeding program was as cheap and un-nutritious as it could possibly be. Feed 100 people on probably less than P1,000.00. Everyone has a snack and that gives them a reason to smile for the cameras, and 100 people getting fed always sounds impressive. But one suspects the profits are going elsewhere, and this is the problem. There are some good charitable institutions here, such as Don Bosco and of course Fr Shay Cullen and his PREDA organization in Olongapo. Fr Shay is one of my very few heros. My advice is to not give up on the idea, but to be careful and make sure your money goes where you want it to go. Watch out for charity scams and scammers.  

Private charity in Philippines

If you know the situation and if you can manage it yourself, then you can be certain that your spending goes where it’s supposed to go. And as much as possible, try to help kids and young people rather than those who are less deserving and may have created their own problems themselves. We have kids here. Six of them. We take care of them, feed them, send them to school and most importantly give them lots of love and guidance. If you are willing to do this, you will no doubt have relatives who are struggling and are willing to let their kids live with you to give them a better start in life than their parents could. This is as challenging as any child-rearing will ever be, of course. The kids may be difficult and unruly, and you have the issue of them possibly wanting to run back to their parents if you have a family dispute. So don’t expect the Brady Bunch. But we’ve never regretted it. The other way is to support kids in their education. Could be relatives. Or in our case we have a handful of scholars in the province who can’t afford to continue their education. The cost to the average Australian is minimal, but it can make a massive difference. I think the main issues are not only to avoid anyone pocketing your generosity by either paying for things yourself or relying on a relative you can absolutely trust. The other issue is making sure you’re not seen as a soft touch, and ensuring a positive result. Because you can easily get burned-out and sick of the whole thing if you feel you’re being taken advantage of. With something like education support? You need to insist on minimal grade averages, and on seeing school reports. Need to make sure that the kid isn’t skipping school and pocketing the money! We’ve had that happen years ago. Never again. And if you have kids living with you? Make sure you don’t spoil them and make them think they’ve become fairy princesses in a castle. Watch their attitudes. If they arrived humble and kind, make sure they remain that way. Don’t be a soft touch, and ensure they never forget where they came from. Once you have a kid who’s showing off at school that they’re being dropped off in an expensive car and going on about the flash house they live in, and then talking down to your household helpers, you will know what I’m talking about here. Build bodies and minds, but ensure you build decent character too.    

The following article Traps with Philippines charity wasis available on www.filipinawives.com.au

The obsession with milk, rice and vitamins in the Philippines

  The milk lobby has long been very effective in convincing people that milk is an essential part of good nutrition. Nowhere more than in the Philippines. Filipino parents are utterly convinced that milk (and vitamin pills) are essential for the health of children, along with excessive rice consumption. The end result is still a whole lot of child malnutrition among Filipino children.    

  Milk products for children in the Philippines Most Filipino mothers will breastfeed, I’m happy to say. Yet at some stage the milk products appear, and kids who are 5, 6 and 7 can still be found lying on the floor sucking out of bottles. Sometimes 5 or more bottles a day of milk formula. And the ads on TV will promote the benefits to children of different milk products, often with exorbitant claims of benefits like increased height and doing better in school. Truth in advertising laws are not heavily enforced here, you soon discover. There are even milk products aimed at the elderly, with ads showing Lolo finally remembering his wedding anniversary thanks to the brain-revitalising benefits gained. And I say “milk products” because you see very little fresh milk here. It’s not really a dairy country. Dairy cattle do best in temperate climates and not in the tropics. So mostly what we’re talking about is canned powder with added chemicals. Yet despite the encouraged consumption of milk products, malnutrition and specific nutrient deficiencies (anemia, Vitamin A deficiency, Vitamin D deficiency, calcium deficiency, etc) is rife throughout the country and very notable in kids. Diets tend to be high in carbohydrate and fat, whilst low in protein and vitamins. Carbohydrate allows bodies enough energy to move about, but it doesn’t build growing bodies like protein and vitamins.   The Australian diet by comparison. I grew up like a typical suburban Australian through the late 60’s and 70’s eating the standard Australian diet. Meat and three veg dinners. Bowl of fruit on the table. Eggs for breakfast. Vegemite sandwiches for lunch. And my (Aussie) kids grew up much the same, except with a bit more variety than meat and three veg. Still, always meat and veges and carbohydrates in a healthy proportion. And I ended up with 6’ tall sons with no stunting. And know what? No milk products! And no daily vitamins! Never once had a doctor in Australia say “Give this child milk!” or to prescribe multivitamins. Never happened, nor did it ever happen with anyone else I knew. Eldest son Greg had a bottle of milk (ie milk, and not powder) at night up until he was maybe 2. Jeremy never drank from a bottle in his life. And I was the same. No living memory of ever drinking milk, which means I must have been very young the last time I had any. Yet in Australia you don’t see stunted kids. You don’t see kids with brown stumps in their mouths where teeth used to be. And it has nothing to do with the consumption of milk and vitamins, rest assured. It has all to do with balanced diets. The consumption of enough building blocks (protein and vitamins) to make kids grow normally.   Better alternatives to the Filipino diet The common response you get when you suggest to Filipinos that their kids should eat better is that they can’t afford it. And yes, this is often the case. But I whilst I acknowledge that many people can’t feed their kids on steak and an array of fresh fruit, there are still changes that can be made to get the balance right. Protein: Fish is fairly cheap, and it’s a fine source of protein. And legumes like mung beans (mongo) are 24% protein, and full of iron and calcium! And they’re cheap! And eggs are a great kid-food. Low in harmful cholesterol, and loaded with protein. Nature designed eggs as baby-food. My kids eat eggs every day, and they are all solid muscle. Vitamins: Vegetables (gulay) are the best source of vitamins available. Yet there are many who simply won’t eat them, because they think that’s what the poorest of the poor eat. Bad mistake. They should be a part of every meal. And seasonal local vegetables can be bought at the local market economically. If kids grow up on them, they get used to eating them. Carbohydrate: Proportionally no plate should contain more than 1/3 of a carbohydrate source, be that rice, potatoes, pasta or noodles. Not 90% rice-mountain with a splash or brown water and a teaspoon of fatty pork. Our household rule is 1/3 rice, 1/3 vegetable, 1/3 meat. And we have a house full of healthy kids. No stunting. No rotten teeth. So it clearly works.    

The following post The obsession with milk, rice and vitamins in the Philippines wasis courtesy of Filipina Wives Marriage Advice Blog

Being a poor Australian man in the Philippines

  A blunt heading, but it’s a topic I feel like being blunt about. As an Australian man in the Philippines, you simply don’t want to be poor. Mila and myself have lived here full time for just over seven years, and we do OK. Our business is successful, and we therefore live comfortably. We’re also conservative and cautious about money, savings and investments. Because there is no safety net. You run out of money, and you are out on the streets and all alone. Being a poor Australian in the Philippines is no fun at all!    

Poor foreigners in the Philippines

We have friends here amongst the Australian expats in the Philippines, as well as Canadians, Americans and Englishmen and a stray Iranian. Some come here with investments, superannuation, etc. Others have their home country pension. Others run businesses. There are those who work for Embassies and global companies with a few key staff from Australia or wherever who are on fairly healthy salaries with benefits. I can’t say I know any personally. Most of the Aussies and other nationality expats here are either on pensions or are running businesses. Mostly? Not doing so well. Mostly money is tight, and they do without a lot of things. And I wonder why they do it, to be quite honest. No matter where you live in the world, of course there’s a wolf at the door. However countries like Australia have very obvious safety nets. Without meaning to appear unsympathetic to any reader on a low income, no one in Australia really falls that far. Not like they do here in Philippines. Australia has Centrelink benefits. There’s housing commission accommodation. There’s Medicare, and states like QLD have free hospitals. Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme, even cheaper if you’re on Government benefits. You can even get St Vincent de Paul to bring you a food package if you’re really short. The Philippines? There is no social security that is public, or at least not open to those who didn’t have contributions paid into it while they were working here. So nothing for an Australian expat. No housing commission. No charities that would take you very seriously if you turned up on their doorstep. And try turning up at a hospital with no money and see how far you get. And unlike poor Filipinos, you don’t have a mountain of relatives and friends who will chip in and help you out when things go wrong.  

What can happen to poor Australians?

I’ve known Australians here to end up literally begging for help when things have gone wrong. Health issues and failed businesses are probably the worst problems that can strike the Australian ex-pat. If a man gets sick he can not only lose his source of income, he can have serious medical bills. Case in point. A very sad story. We had a friend. Australian builder who was trying to establish a business here in Manila. Did great work. We had him doing some work at our place, and we were very happy with what he was doing. But could see that he was struggling. Great builder, but wasn’t an astute businessman at all. Ended up getting ill, and died because he couldn’t afford proper care. The Australian Embassy only contacted his family in Australia for him. They won’t loan money. He left a wife and three kids behind. And we have another friend here who’s been getting chest pains over the last few weeks. Wife and two kids, plus a demanding business. The worry is written all over his face, and as a friend we’re worried for him too. No Medicare to foot the bill, and if he’s not there to run his business the doors will close. And no, he’s also not rolling in spare cash. A few weeks without income, and he will be in trouble. I won’t elaborate today on the folly of many Australians assuming they can set the Filipino world on fire with their great business ideas. Many make wild assumptions as to what would most certainly be successful here, only to find out how wrong they were. I’ve written about this in other BLOG articles, older readers will remember. Many an Australian comes here and misjudges the marketplace completely. Finds Filipino customers unwilling to part with money and unwilling to try anything new. Finds customers who will do everything to avoid paying their accounts. Those who expect bribes before signing contracts. Competition who can survive on much lower incomes that they ever could. So many a business either fails or at least doesn’t produce what will pay for a moderately comfortable lifestyle with some savings to cover emergencies. Yes, savings. Some fat to fall back on during lean times and to cover those unexpected emergencies. Illnesses and hospitalization. Operations. Typhoons and earthquakes. Cars needing to be replaced. Family emergencies where your conscience doesn’t allow you to watch a child go without medical treatment. And lean business times, business failures and getting fired from stable employment. I was talking to an expat once who bought an expensive house a few years back, and said when they’d settled up he had less than a thousand dollars in the bank. That’s insane! What if a tragedy had struck at the same time? Then what? And expats are well known for falling into schemes and scams designed to part them from their savings too. Many come here with hundreds of thousands in the bank only to end up wondering where it all went. Farming ventures. Businesses which have depended on trusted relatives doing the right thing which have failed because they didn’t do the right thing. Buying into bars, restaurants, resorts and ending up with nothing after 6 months. And plenty of stories of trusted wives and sweethearts who have drained bank accounts right under their noses.   The point here is to realise well and truly that you’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto. This is the Philippines. There is a PACK of wolves at the door, and they all have rabies! Fail due to carelessness, scams, excessive optimism and a lack of sound planning, and you will fall harder than you ever imagined you could. It may leave you bankrupt and devoid of your life savings, or it may even see you in an earlier grave than you expected. Be cautious and only take those risks you can afford to live with if they fail. Don’t overestimate your abilities, and know that you will never be so acclimatized that you cannot make stupid mistakes due to ignorance. And if your savings are dwindling, pack up and leave while you still can.  

The following blog post Being a poor Australian man in the Philippines wasis available on Filipina Wives

Being a poor Australian man in the Philippines

  A blunt heading, but it’s a topic I feel like being blunt about. As an Australian man in the Philippines, you simply don’t want to be poor. Mila and myself have lived here full time for just over seven years, and we do OK. Our business is successful, and we therefore live comfortably. We’re also conservative and cautious about money, savings and investments. Because there is no safety net. You run out of money, and you are out on the streets and all alone. Being a poor Australian in the Philippines is no fun at all!    

Poor foreigners in the Philippines

We have friends here amongst the Australian expats in the Philippines, as well as Canadians, Americans and Englishmen and a stray Iranian. Some come here with investments, superannuation, etc. Others have their home country pension. Others run businesses. There are those who work for Embassies and global companies with a few key staff from Australia or wherever who are on fairly healthy salaries with benefits. I can’t say I know any personally. Most of the Aussies and other nationality expats here are either on pensions or are running businesses. Mostly? Not doing so well. Mostly money is tight, and they do without a lot of things. And I wonder why they do it, to be quite honest. No matter where you live in the world, of course there’s a wolf at the door. However countries like Australia have very obvious safety nets. Without meaning to appear unsympathetic to any reader on a low income, no one in Australia really falls that far. Not like they do here in Philippines. Australia has Centrelink benefits. There’s housing commission accommodation. There’s Medicare, and states like QLD have free hospitals. Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme, even cheaper if you’re on Government benefits. You can even get St Vincent de Paul to bring you a food package if you’re really short. The Philippines? There is no social security that is public, or at least not open to those who didn’t have contributions paid into it while they were working here. So nothing for an Australian expat. No housing commission. No charities that would take you very seriously if you turned up on their doorstep. And try turning up at a hospital with no money and see how far you get. And unlike poor Filipinos, you don’t have a mountain of relatives and friends who will chip in and help you out when things go wrong.  

What can happen to poor Australians?

I’ve known Australians here to end up literally begging for help when things have gone wrong. Health issues and failed businesses are probably the worst problems that can strike the Australian ex-pat. If a man gets sick he can not only lose his source of income, he can have serious medical bills. Case in point. A very sad story. We had a friend. Australian builder who was trying to establish a business here in Manila. Did great work. We had him doing some work at our place, and we were very happy with what he was doing. But could see that he was struggling. Great builder, but wasn’t an astute businessman at all. Ended up getting ill, and died because he couldn’t afford proper care. The Australian Embassy only contacted his family in Australia for him. They won’t loan money. He left a wife and three kids behind. And we have another friend here who’s been getting chest pains over the last few weeks. Wife and two kids, plus a demanding business. The worry is written all over his face, and as a friend we’re worried for him too. No Medicare to foot the bill, and if he’s not there to run his business the doors will close. And no, he’s also not rolling in spare cash. A few weeks without income, and he will be in trouble. I won’t elaborate today on the folly of many Australians assuming they can set the Filipino world on fire with their great business ideas. Many make wild assumptions as to what would most certainly be successful here, only to find out how wrong they were. I’ve written about this in other BLOG articles, older readers will remember. Many an Australian comes here and misjudges the marketplace completely. Finds Filipino customers unwilling to part with money and unwilling to try anything new. Finds customers who will do everything to avoid paying their accounts. Those who expect bribes before signing contracts. Competition who can survive on much lower incomes that they ever could. So many a business either fails or at least doesn’t produce what will pay for a moderately comfortable lifestyle with some savings to cover emergencies. Yes, savings. Some fat to fall back on during lean times and to cover those unexpected emergencies. Illnesses and hospitalization. Operations. Typhoons and earthquakes. Cars needing to be replaced. Family emergencies where your conscience doesn’t allow you to watch a child go without medical treatment. And lean business times, business failures and getting fired from stable employment. I was talking to an expat once who bought an expensive house a few years back, and said when they’d settled up he had less than a thousand dollars in the bank. That’s insane! What if a tragedy had struck at the same time? Then what? And expats are well known for falling into schemes and scams designed to part them from their savings too. Many come here with hundreds of thousands in the bank only to end up wondering where it all went. Farming ventures. Businesses which have depended on trusted relatives doing the right thing which have failed because they didn’t do the right thing. Buying into bars, restaurants, resorts and ending up with nothing after 6 months. And plenty of stories of trusted wives and sweethearts who have drained bank accounts right under their noses.   The point here is to realise well and truly that you’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto. This is the Philippines. There is a PACK of wolves at the door, and they all have rabies! Fail due to carelessness, scams, excessive optimism and a lack of sound planning, and you will fall harder than you ever imagined you could. It may leave you bankrupt and devoid of your life savings, or it may even see you in an earlier grave than you expected. Be cautious and only take those risks you can afford to live with if they fail. Don’t overestimate your abilities, and know that you will never be so acclimatized that you cannot make stupid mistakes due to ignorance. And if your savings are dwindling, pack up and leave while you still can.  

The following blog post Being a poor Australian man in the Philippines was first published to Jeff Harvie of Down Under Visa

Let’s eat! Food and sharing in the Philippines.

  Come across a Filipino eating, and they will normally say “Let’s eat!”, or “Kain tayo!” in Tagalog. It’s an invitation to join them to eat, and typical of Filipino generosity. What should you do next time this happens to you? A necessary education for those in an Australian Filipina relationships.    

 

“Let’s eat!”

First time someone said “Let’s eat!” to me, I didn’t know what to say. I’d already eaten, and wasn’t sure if I was supposed to go and join them. But this is what Filipinos do when they’re eating and there’s someone else around. It’s almost automatic. And I can remember another time on Bantayan Island many years ago where one of the locals invited me to come and drink with him and his barkadas (mates) after I bought him 3 bottles of the dreaded Kulafu (tastes like drain cleaner and cost P3 per bottle at the time) so he had something to offer his guests. Gave me a stump to sit on, a glass of this amazing beverage and a lump of pig fat. Fortunately I was able to discard the fat by tossing it under something without anyone seeing me, but I struggled down the drain cleaner. But yes, as I said, Filipinos and generosity/hospitality go hand in hand. Eating by yourself and being oblivious to the needs of others, it just isn’t done. So whether you have an abundance or whether it’s something very humble (like that awful lump of fat), you offer it to whoever is present. Try this little exercise next time you see a Filipino eating something. Ask them what they are eating. And guess what they will do? They will immediately offer some or even all of it to you, without hesitation! Do you know that when particular religious groups come knocking at the door, your average Filipino will invite them in and offer them refreshments? They will do this even if it means they need to politely sit through attempts to convert them, because it would be rude to treat a guest any other way! Does that mean you need to stop what you’re doing? Is it rude to say no? No, not at all. You can always politely decline, and no one will be shocked. And if there’s not much to go around, I’m sure they’re just that little bit grateful to hear that you’re busog (full). Know what’s a bit odd? OK, what do you say if someone offers you something in Australia and you don’t want it? Someone asks “Djawannacuppa?” or “Djawannavegemitesanga?” (I’ll let the Australian husbands explain those) or similar? You say, “Oh, no thanks.” Or “Not at the moment, but thanks anyway” etc. In the Philippines? You sort-of screw up your face and say (in a slightly evil-sounding tone) “I don’t like!” You can imagine my shock first time I heard that! You could think of asking “You don’t?? But you had some just before?” Answer? “I know, but IIIIIIII dooooooooon’t liiiiiiiiiike!” Yes, it means they don’t want it right now! Not that they really detest that particular food or beverage!  

Cultural clashes over Filipino food-sharing

Food is an important thing in the Philippines, obviously stemming a lot from the fact that hunger exists and many live day-to-day. Could well be nothing but rice for dinner. So food is definitely life, and sharing keeps people alive. Having guests over means food. Birthday celebrations means food. Baptisms, weddings, funerals and of course the Barangay Fiesta. First one I went to? Fed beef caldereta at every household I was taken to. Told each lady-of-the-house that hers was the very best and won a few pogi-points. Thought I was going to burst! Again, all about sharing. To shut the door and keep the hungry out would never happen. I can remember a time in the distant past where I was visiting *cough* former girlfriend in Cebu. I don’t know what it is about Cebu, but the lechon manok there (barbequed chicken) was absolutely delicious, and nothing like we have in Luzon. So what did I do whilst staying with her at her parents house? Get a single chicken, and we would eat it. Get enough to share with the parents? Never crossed my mind. I almost wince in embarrassment to think of this now. Shudder to think what they must have thought of my lack of manners. Confusion works both ways, of course. I recall a couple we knew years ago, with the lady being an old friend of Mila’s from Hong Kong. Arrived in Australia and complained to Mila that her husband never “offered her food”. She expected him to say “Let’s eat”, etc. and he didn’t. It’s not that she wasn’t welcome to eat. He just didn’t see the point in saying that to his wife, when he expected her to make herself at home and not wait to be asked. Mila would also be amazed if we visited an Australian’s place and find they’d only made one main course. In Australia we ended up getting a new table, because when we had guests the table and the kitchen bench were full to the point that there was no room for anything else. No chance of actually eating at the table, because there was no room. And at one stage (I’ll get into trouble for this!) a party meant her getting up at 4:00am and becoming a complete food-nazi to everyone in the house, and after the guests had left (along with their doggie-bags of baon), those household would be left with shattered nerves and leftovers to eat for the next week or more. I’ve calmed her down a lot since those scary days, but no one is ever left hungry rest assured. That’s the Filipino way.  

The following article Let’s eat! Food and sharing in the Philippines. wasFind more at: Filipina Wives Marriage Advice Blog

The myth of the rich foreigner from Australia

  The rich foreigner! An important topic to both overseas Filipinos and to their Australian spouses. In short, most of your relatives in the Philippines think you and your Australian husband are rich and have an endless supply of money. They also think it’s OK to share in this wealth freely. And if you're part of an Australian Filipina relationship you need to learn to deal with it.    

 

All foreigners are rich

There is a concept going around that everyone who lives in Australia is rich. The same myth applies to America and other foreign countries. Anyone who lives overseas has a money tree growing in the yard, and nothing is ever too much for them. They have everything, and of course they will share it with you. It’s only fair after all. There is no understanding of the cost of living in Australia. No one could imagine you having to pay $300.00 or more per week in rent, or the cost of owning and running a car. A cappuccino costs you $4.00 to $5.00. A beer could cost you $7.00. Steak costs you $20.00 a kg at the supermarket. There are no cheap tricycle or jeepney rides. Yes, maybe you earn $1,000.00 a week, but it disappears fairly quickly. No one realizes that. And there is this concept of being entitled to share in the good fortune of a relative. What’s mine is yours. They would and have always shared what they had with you, and given that you have more to share then of course the ball is in your court to be more generous. Fortune smiled on you, therefore it’s up to you to help out the family members and to spread that wealth.  

Pasalubong

Pasalubong is a Tagalog word which describes gifts and handouts that a returning rich foreigner or balikbayan (returning countryman) is expected to bring with them. And relatives will often descend on the house of the balikbayan relative expecting this. Children are sometimes encouraged to ask “Where is my gift?” I know! Gets on my nerves too! But if you get annoyed, you will end up with a room full of confused people. This is one of those cultural differences. As an Australian it never occurs to you that you have an obligation to purchase gifts for everyone when you travel, but here it most certainly is. Even taking a trip to another town in the Philippines means purchasing things to distribute on your return. Snack foods such as pili nut candies, dried mangos, buku pie, chicharon, etc as well as caps, tshirts, ornaments, etc are the usual. And it doesn’t end there. I’ve heard of cases of relatives going through the suitcase and just helping themselves, and of saying “I like that shirt. Can I have it?” And of course expecting to be taken to resorts, restaurants, etc during a visit and to have the bill taken care of.  

How to deal with the pasalubong mentality?

Like always, this isn’t meant to be a criticism of Filipino culture, or a “Aussies know best” rant. This is purely cultural, and cultural differences can be confusing and can cause misunderstanding when interpreted according to our own cultural conditioning. If you grow up having been taught to never ask someone for a gift, and you hear a kid literally demanding one? It makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. And if you grew up fiercely independent like most Aussies did, you find the concept of someone wanting to share in the wealth of others a bit of a shock. Aussies are proudly independent, and generally have a don’t-take-handouts mentality. My wife sees her elderly parents. They won’t ever ask for anything, however they appreciate it when they’re given a couple of thousand Pesos. Mila gives as a sign of love, and they take it as just that. We used to visit my mum when she was still alive, and Mila would always try to indirectly stock her pantry without her noticing because she knew she would have said “No thanks, I’m fine!” if she had offered money or anything at all really. So Mila would place new bottles of shampoo in the bathroom, and “forget” when we left. She did the same thing in the food cupboard too. Well, my mother DID notice and no she didn’t like it. To an Aussie it means saying she can’t cope, and an Aussie would rather do-without than to take charity. But as I’ve covered before, the Philippines is an interdependent country. People depend on each other, and they see no indignity in letting those who care about them take care of them when they need. And even if they have less need, the fact that someone remembers them means everything. Sadly though, greed exists and money can corrupt. And poverty combined with jealousy can bring out the worst in people.   Again, how to manage it? Try to see the difference between those who just enjoy that family-thing and those who are parasites and opportunists. Because yes there are those greedy users and abusers around, and every family seems to have a few. The more they get, the more they want. And try to educate them about the realities of your life and let them know that you also need to budget and live within your means just like they do.  

The following article The myth of the rich foreigner from Australia wasSee more at: Filipina Wives Marriage Advice Blog

White man’s colonial mentality in the Philippines

  We white people have a horrible history. Those of us who descended from Europeans have forefathers who colonized other countries, and most countries in Asia were colonized by Europeans over the last few hundred years. The Philippines had the Spanish followed by the Americans. We and our parents and grandparents generally grew up believing that this was somehow OK. We “civilized” them, and they were all so eternally grateful for this.    

  When I was involved with *cough* a previous Filipina girl, I can remember telling my then-90-year-old grandmother about her. And she seriously responded with “Does she do little dances for you?” “Pardon??”, I responded. She proceeded to tell me about when she and her husband took a boat cruise to Fiji once, and how they would visit different islands and how the “natives” there were so pleased to see them they would do “little dances” for them. She assumed much the same from another “native”. A generally kind person, but she grew up with a sense of white-man-superiority. We were the wise ones, and they were the savages in grass skirts who needed our wisdom. Wasn't much I could do to explain the real facts to a 90 year old, but it was creepy.

Inherent racism and superiority mentality

And you only need to scratch the surface of many a white person and you realise that much of this is still there. No slavery or “beat the servant” mentality, but a more subtle patronizing way, and a sense of being entitled to “show them the right way”. Any difference or deviation must mean they are doing it the wrong way, and it’s perfectly OK to correct them and to yell at them if necessary. There is a video getting around at the moment of a Filipino dentist getting shouted and sworn at by an English or Scottish fellow. His staff had politely asked him to park somewhere else, because his patients needed access to his clinic. This fellow thought it was OK to give the dentist a blast. Of course he did! He was white after all! Would he have done the same thing back home? Not a chance! Things are different here. Different priorities. Being on-time, or being highly efficient? Not as important as it tends to be back in Australia, but who is to say it should be? Look around you. Are the Filipino locals as angry as you? Probably not. A short story….. Had to attend court the other day. No, not being locked-up. An adoption matter actually, and I needed to be questioned on an affidavit. I arrive at the court. Our attorney tells the judge that I have a bad back (which I do), and asks if I can be questioned in the car. The judge is OK about it. So prosecutor, stenographer and attorney head out to our car in the car park. Now, honestly, if that was a court in Sydney or Melbourne, how equally accommodating would the sour-faced woman behind the counter be to such a request? Yes, if you were an important witness and you were in a hospital bed, sure. But wouldn’t have had a hope had that just been a matter of discomfort. Here? People are kind! On-time? Always super-efficient? No. Kind? Always! The point being that yes, things are different to “back home”. But that doesn’t make everybody wrong or slack or lazy or stupid. If you want a carbon-copy of Australia, you are in the wrong place. Stay where you are and stick with what you're comfortable with. If you want to visit here and certainly if you wish to live in the Philippines, strongly suggest you open your eyes and open your minds, and like me you may find benefits that outweigh any losses of the things back-home that you liked. I find the kindness of Filipino people outweighs any losses. And going around shouting at Filipino people? This is the sort of thing that could well get you deported and banned from re-entry. Persona non grata is the legal term. Because Filipino people don’t scream abuse at each other over parking spaces. Again, different priorities. Spelling names correctly or ensuring a speedy delivery service, not necessarily. But controlling tempers and foul mouths so as not to upset or scare somebody, most definitely. If you want to visit the Philippines or if you plan to live in the Philippines, it’s up to you to change and it’s up to you to adjust. The country won’t change for you, nor should you expect it to. Do you recognize any “we know best” thinking in yourself? Best to sort that out before you come here, or you’ll end up sour and bitter all the time.      

The following article White man’s colonial mentality in the Philippines wasis available on www.filipinawives.com.au

More “living in the Philippines” for Australian Filipina couples

  The Harvie family have been living in the Philippines full-time just over 7 years now. Right from the start it was intended to be a full-time move, and it remains so. Most people I spoke to who had lived here as Australians in the Philippines for a long time told me that the gloss would rub off and within 3 – 5 years I would hate the place and desperately want to come back, but we’re still here.    

Why do Australians stop living in the Philippines?

This would apply to most westerners (or “foreigners”, as we’re called here) living in the Philippines, but I’m an Aussie and so are most of the readers of FilipinaWives so I say “Australians”. Why would an Aussie say “had enough” and go back to Australia after a plan to settle here?  

Money issues in the Philippines

Yes, clearly I would think money would be the number one reason to stop living in the Philippines. You can live cheaply here, or you can live the high life. All extremes are possible. The issue is when someone has needs and wants which are more costly than their income. Many an Aussie comes here with rose-coloured glasses on, believing that life here will be an extension of their trips here. The reality is that many underestimate living costs and overestimate their financial capability. This applies both to those on fixed incomes like pensions, and to those who think they'll make a successful business here.  

Pressure from Filipino families

This would probably be the number two reason, although in some families it may be number one to cease living in the Philippines. And this will depend largely on where the priorities of you Filipina wife lie. I have a very loyal wife, and her relatives all know this. Our nuclear family, ie Mila and myself and our kids, they always come first. The wants and needs of the relatives come a clear second, and they know this too. They don’t even suggest that they get handouts or special favours under the table, and in fact I’m more generous toward them than Mila is. This is not the case in every Australian Filipina relationship here, though. Many a Filipino family regards the Australian husband as balato (a lucky windfall that they all get to share in, like a lottery win), and many a wife….especially a younger wife…..has difficulty in saying NO. If you can’t be confident that you won’t be abused by mooching relatives, you are better off not coming here in the first place. If you’re not sure, this should be something you and your wife discuss long before you come here. When I first met my inlaws many years ago and there were some clashes of expectation, I told her she needed to choose where her loyalty would lie because she couldn’t expect to please everybody. Fortunately she chose well. Not all ladies do.  

The ”dignified poor” Filipinos versus the “beggars”

I discussed this issue with Mila yesterday. She grew up in a nipa hut. Mum and dad and nine kids. Mila at 7 years old with one of her sisters used to walk around the town selling food that her mother had cooked, and she did this before she went to school. She washed clothes by hand for the neighbours when she was only a few years older. This was her life. I asked her if her parents or older siblings had ever encouraged her to beg? Ever send her to win favour with wealthier relatives or neighbours in order to get a handout? Never! We have relatives and relatives-of-relatives as well as those very keen on being friendly with us, and it’s been for the sole purpose of begging favours, handouts, gifts and support. You could just about cut the insincerity with a knife. I don’t blame the kids. They’re just doing what they’re told to do. I feel sorry for them being trained to be beggars, and I have nothing but contempt for the parents using the kids in such a way. This can certainly make life here very difficult for Australian expats. Best advice? If you think you may want to live in Philippines, then great. You may be one of the successful ones, and I hope you are. I think this is a wonderful place to live. But do yourselves a favour and try living here for a year before you make a full commitment. Don’t burn your bridges.  

The following article More “living in the Philippines” for Australian Filipina couples wasis republished from Filipina Wives Blog

The Filipino Comfort Room – The great oxymoron

 

The Filipino Comfort Room (CR)

Australian slang has so many words for that room with a toilet in it. The dunny. The loo. The bog. The thunder box. Most of us Aussies could prattle off about another 10 - 15 without even straining the brain. In the Philippines they call it the "Comfort Room" (or CR). Maybe it's just me, but I can think of many places more comfortable! Read and learn if you are in an Australian Filipina relationship, as you will need to face this several times a day when you visit anywhere other than a flash hotel in the Philippines.      

Some Comfort Room peculiarities

Goodness me! Where does one start? I wasn't too shocked when I first came across one of these little rooms. I had traveled in Asia in my youth before I came here, and after a public dunny under the streets in what was then Bombay that contained beggars, it takes a bit to shock me. I think one in an Auntie's house in Pasig where there was no light and where everything was as wet as a limestone cave was probably one of the worst. It's the lack of dryness which probably bothers me the most, so I can start there. Yes, Philippines CR's are a damp affair. Water everywhere! And trying to emerge without looking like you still 2 years old with a lack of bladder control, this can be difficult. I detest it when my shorts become a blotter for toilet floor water. I don't know why it is that a trip to the bog for a Filipino necessitates getting water a metre-and-a-half up four walls as well as creating a swimming pool on the floor. They usually have small bottoms. How much water is actually needed?  

Bum-washing rather than dunny paper

I've long thought this was a more hygienic practice than the western practice of using a roll of semi-absorbent paper to clean such a grubby area. I won't go into graphic detail, but obviously a good dousing with water will be cleaner and more effective. The inventor of the dunny roll makes me think of the inventor of the chopstick. Who ever agreed with them that these were fantastic ideas?? Water was already invented, for goodness sakes! In the Philippines, they have a bucket and a tabo. This is a little plastic dipper with a handle, which normally sits in a bucket of water under the single solitary tap. The idea is to tip or toss water onto the icky regions and to give a good wash with the hand. Pretty straight forward.

The 4 CR essentials!

The Filipino Toilet Bowl

An Aussie will notice a lack of what we consider essentials, namely a cistern and a seat! There's also a complete lack of design flair. We purchased one for a local school once. Cost P500.00, so I suppose you get what you pay for. This is part of why I say that the word "comfort" in "Philippines Comfort Room" makes it a serious oxymoron. So you can either sit on this charming little bowl, or you can do what most of the locals do and squat on it. Ever used one and wondered why it looked like there were dirty footprints on the two side edges? Probably because that WAS dirty footprints on the two side edges! So you do what you need to do....give a good wash of your nether-regions with the tabo.....and you hoick the rest of the bucket contents down the bowl with sufficient enthusiasm to send your contribution down the pipes and out of site! This may take a few goes, and don't be surprised when it never looks Harpic-fresh!  

Comfort issues in the Philippines CR

Can you use toilet paper? I told my two sons on their first visit to the Philippines that the plumbing here only used 50mm piping, so that use of dunny paper would block up the toilet. Should have seen the look of horror on their faces! Fortunately I was only making it up so as to make them panic! Sewer piping here is 100mm just as it is in Australia. It can normally cope with paper, just as it can back home. I suppose you just need to be aware that flinging a bucket of water down there doesn't create the same force as a damned good flush of an Aussie cistern. So copious amounts of paper coupled with minimal water pressure may cause some issues. There is a strange custom particularly in public CR's of asking CR-patrons to toss their used paper into a waste bin there. Why? I have NO idea! YUCK!! I repeat, YUCK!!!!! There is no practical reason for this, though. How do you keep your clothes dry? Not always easy! I have a mop permanently in our downstairs bathroom at home here. Some dunnies, especially service station dunnies when traveling, I walk in......and walk straight out of. Some literally have an inch of water on the floor. As a general rule, the art seems to be to lower the pants with one hand, and hold them up with the other. And to use, say, left hand to hold up the clothing away from the soggy floor and to never let it go. Or if you DO happen to find a dry patch, you can always remove them and leave them there until you're ready to put them back on again. But dry patches are rare in the ocean that is the Philippines comfort room! The bum sprayer, bum washer, or "hand bidet" If you are in a more luxurious Philippines bathroom, you may well find one of these handy little items. Consider buying some at the hardware and taking them back to Australia, as they are brilliant! Don't buy extra-cheap flimsy ones, or you will regret it. I think you can figure it out!

Showering, or "taking a bath"

The Filipino CR is also a place of bathing.....showering......"taking a bath", as Filipinos call washing yourself. No bathtubs. Rarely a shower. Even more rare to have hot water. See that single tap, the bucket and the tabo? THAT is generally the shower. The instruments of comfort! This is what is sometimes known in other parts of the world as a "bucket bath". How? You squat down on the floor. You tabo the water from the bucket over yourself. You soap yourself up. You use the tabo to rinse the soap off. You're done! And yes, the water is nice and cold! Some may add some boiling water to it to take the freezing edge off it, but most simply tough it out. And before you scream like a schoolgirl, remember that your delicate little Filipina lady did the same thing today probably just before you did without making a sound. Don't embarrass yourself, man!   By the way. A little funny story. Here you will often see a roll of toilet paper in someones house. They will refer to it as "tissue", because a tissue, a dunny roll and a serviette here are all called "tissue". This is therefore "tissue". But here the bog roll is used for nose-wiping, hand-wiping, polishing things and general cleaning. One of my daughters was shocked to see it hanging up on a holder in our CR when she first arrived from the province. Silliest thing she'd seen in a long time, she thought. Why would you put it in the CR? Had no concept of it being used to wipe the bum with. So as usual in the Philippines, keep your sense of humour. You're going to need it!            

The following article The Filipino Comfort Room – The great oxymoron wasis republished from Filipina Wives

Loaning money in the Philippines – The pitfalls

  The Philippines is a poor country. To most Filipinos, you as an Australian will be…..or at least appear….to be very rich! So you will always have people wanting to borrow money from you. Sometimes they are sincere, and other times they are just taking advantage of your perceived huge Australian wallet. How to handle it? Important lessons here for anyone in an Australian Filipina relationship.  

The results of me trying to draw with a mouse-pointer!

   

Filipinos wanting to borrow money. What do you do?

The Philippines is a poor country. Many Filipinos live day to day, and sometimes even those who are professionals will tend to spend rather than save. They have money in their pocket, and they go to Starbucks. They land a job, and they get a motorbike with a loan to pay off. The neighbor buys a new car, so they go and get a new car…with a loan to pay off. Then the school feels come up. Or someone gets sick and ends up in hospital. There’s no money, so they end up on your doorstep trying to borrow money. And you find yourself in a position where you have a harsh decision to make, often at the last minute, whether to say yes or no. It occurred to me when I thought about this that there are six people in the Philippines who are alive today because of us. Three of them are children who now live with us. One is a child who spent a year living with us. Two are adults who are alive today 10 years afterwards. There are also two adults who didn’t make it, despite us providing money. So at least I know that those situations were real.  

Real need or scam? The quandary!

I’m happy to be generous. Part of the effect of being with my wonderful Filipina wife (plus my Christian faith, which I won’t bother anyone with today) is that I’m a fairly generous and caring dude, and my wife Mila is the most caring and generous person I’ve ever known. So we’re always happy to help where we can. But one thing I cannot stand is being played, scammed or conned! Cannot stand it at all. The quandary is that unless it’s someone you’ve had a good track record with, you don’t know if the need is genuine or if you are being fed a sad story. The cliché in the Philippines is the “sick carabao” story. Invariably it’s something either heart-wrenching, eg. someone sick in hospital and will die otherwise, or school fees and child will miss out on education, or possibly something that hits your inner-entrepreneur when they tell you of the great business they want to start so they can take care of their family properly. The problem is you find yourself stuck between a rock and a hard place! Do you take the risk and bear the possible tragic consequences? The Philippines doesn’t have the same welfare-state provisions as Australia does. How does your conscience cope if something bad happens and you didn’t help? Again, if you know them and believe them? Then the decision is yours, and your conscience plus the size of your bank balance will help you decide. Always exercise prudence though, especially if you live here in the Philippines and where ending up flat on your face due to over-generosity may be something very hard to recover from. Even if your intentions are as pure as freshly fallen snow, accept that you won’t be much help to your extended Filipino family in the future if you go broke this time. No one has a bottomless pit of money. I know we don’t!  

The scammers and the liars

You usually learn who they are the hard way. They con you. They get away with it. Hopefully you learn. The Jeff Harvie way? Loan them a small amount first time they ask. Then wait and see what happens. We have a niece who tried that out on us. Borrow a thousand pesos, and will pay it back next month? Sure! Next month? Can I borrow another P1,000.00? No! Then we had her sick kid with Tuberculosis (TB)! The conscience said “Maybe it’s true, and not prepared to take the risk”! Turns out child had been getting treatment already, and thought they could then get it for free via the rich white Australian uncle. And to me? A skinny Filipino kid with a fat mother means is not a real charity case! OK, it cost us a few thousand pesos. But we now know exactly what she is made of! It will never happen again. To me, I think it’s wrong to reward anyone for scamming and lying, as you only encourage them to do more of it. You’re standing in the way of them ever waking up to themselves or becoming responsible and self-reliant.  And I’m talking scammers here. Not those who work as hard as they can, but the reality of their lack of education etc. keeps them down. I’m talking about those who suck up to you and tell you the sad stories so they can manipulate your emotions. They smile sweetly. They sing your praises to your face. And the other things about loans to Filipino scammers? Not only won’t you see it again, you will become the scum of the earth when you finally say “No more loans!” We just had someone pay us back P100,000.00 that we loaned them……10 years before! Paid it back because they incorrectly thought we were talking about them behind their backs and they wanted to save face (hiya), and now they hate us with a passion. Yes, there’s always hiya issues when it comes to loans. Damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. You will definitely offend someone when you say no, but at least you get to keep your dignity intact, and you don’t reward someone for doing the wrong thing!    

The following article Loaning money in the Philippines – The pitfalls wasRead more at: Jeff Harvie of Down Under Visa

Romantic, old-fashioned girls in the Philippines

  The times they are a’changing, of course. Facebook and access to the internet has exposed the Philippines to changing moral values, yet Filipina girls are mostly still old fashioned romantics at heart. Romantic Filipinas wherever you look.    

 

Filipina girls and morality

I wrote an article recently about the decline in morality in the Philippines amongst young people, and I stand by that. Please read HERE if you haven’t already done so. The Philippines used to be the bastion of innocence. If a girl wasn’t married, good chance she was still a virgin waiting on Mr Right to come and ask her parents if he may court her. She would go on dates with you if she had a chaperone with her, and as long as her parents knew when she would be home. Since then? Facebook and Nicki Minaj videos and Miley Cyrus “discovering who she is” through promiscuity. These are the new role models, instead of their virtuous mothers and grandmothers. Let me explain why I think this is sad, and also why I think there’s still hope.  

Filipina girls are romantic

A “tough” attitude toward morality may well work for some women. There are tough women out there in the world, no doubt. Nicki and Beyonce are probably pretty tough. But it is doomed to failure when the girl is soft-hearted and romantic by nature, and that’s what the average Filipina girl is. I’m realizing lately that Filipina girls, even the younger millennials (teens to maybe mid to late 20’s), haven’t actually changed much in essence. The very fact that they still use the word “courting” is a bit of a hint. In most cases? Most Filipinas give their hearts once! They fall for a chap, and they hang on for dear life. Bed-hopping and having sex as a “good way to pass the time”? Rarely! Most girls fall head over heels for a boy or man, and they can and will love him for the rest of their lives. How about the young men of the Philippines? Is the average Filipino male a soft-hearted romantic? No. No, sadly not. And this is especially so when he’s young and at his most virile. He’s much the same as any other teenage to mid 20’s young men. He’s on the hunt, and he wants to populate the world. The more the merrier. And what could be better for him in this quest than a large number of romantic females who have new-found sexual freedom and Miley in their ears singing “It’s our party we can love who we want”? And at the end of the day, are these girls actually getting what they want? Most of the ones I see are ending up miserable, because the boys are not in love at all. They want sex, and they get sex by claiming they’re in love. And the girls believe this. And if the boys cheat on the girl and get caught out? They tell the girl how sorry they are, and she forgives them! And it keeps on going until the girl joins the expanding (literally!) crowd of Filipina single mothers. Because these fine young men don’t like using condoms and the girls accept this!  

The good thing about romantic Filipinas

You were probably wondering where I was going with this. Yes, I was having a bit of a rant because I find the whole thing sad. Lovely girls trying out cool new ideas and making themselves miserable in the process. And young men acting like animals with no restraint because of this. Boys have conquest stories to tell, whilst girls get broken hearts. What’s the positive side? The positive side is that a romantic girl is a great catch for a decent man with a soft heart, and that describes most Australian men. The average Aussie male is a fairly straight-forward and often unrefined sort of bloke, but with a kind and honest nature. And decades of rampant feminism have made many of us really crave a good woman who will treat us with kindness and sweetness. And once we find her, we treasure her and will happily take care of her. Combine this with a romantic girl who wants a knight in shining armour to sweep her up, marry her and build a family with her, and you have a great combination. Keep treating her well, and that old-fashioned and romantic nature will remain. Always tell her you love her. Never stop “dating” with your wife. And never forget how incredibly lucky you are, and be sure to tell her regularly. Do this and you’ll have many happy years.    

The following blog post Romantic, old-fashioned girls in the Philippines was first published on Jeff Harvie of Down Under Visa