Anti Mail Order Bride Laws in Philippines

  In the Philippines it is illegal to operate marriage agencies. The anti “mail order bride” laws are to protect the ladies of the Philippines from exploitation. Have you ever wondered why? It is illegal to operate any matchmaking services with the intention of matching up Filipina ladies and foreigners for the purposes of marriage. That applies to online agencies and physical agencies. That applies to any business or service that even promotes matchmaking with men from overseas, and this is written in Republic Act 6955.    

 

An act to declare unlawful the practice of matching Filipino women for marriage to foreign nationals on a mail order basis and other similar practices, including the advertisement, publication, printing or distribution of brochures, fliers and other propaganda materials in furtherance thereof and providing penalty therefore.

 

Why is matchmaking illegal in the Philippines?

I used to wonder why this law was put in place. It’s been law in the Philippines since 1990, and being an Aussie I initially didn’t get it at all. I’m not an exploiter myself, and I treat women as ladies no matter what. Therefore the need never really occurred to me. Marriage agencies exist in Australia. Why not here? There was a feature film made in 1991 called Filipina Dreamgirls, and whilst it was released a year after the law was enacted, it aptly demonstrates the reasons why this law was made. How? It portrayed genuine exploitation that would most certainly exist in the Philippines if these laws didn’t exist. The issue is not about stopping Australian men from marrying Filipina ladies. No one here has a problem with Darren from Perth falling in love with Jenelyn from Batangas, but they do most certainly have an issue with those people who see people as commodities that they can make money off, especially promoting pretty girls with shallow promises about how Filipinas make submissive wives. I can remember the online agencies in the 90’s made out that each Filipina girl was like a carbon copy of all the others, and they would encourage men to write to 4 or 5 girls, visit them all and then make his choice. I know! Yuck! The movie Filipina Dreamgirls had a plot much like that. English men in the movie wrote to Filipina girls. Girl wrote back. Men came to Manila on a tour. Stayed at the agency guesthouse. Met the girl in person in a party-like atmosphere. Got her in bed that night. Done deal! Now, if this was legal I could well imagine bar-owners here setting up “marriage-tour” operations on the side, offering bonuses to their bar staff to get involved, and encouraging them to jump on the men when they arrived. Easy money, and trash relationships resulting which would do no favours to either Filipina women or Australian men. An insult to Filipina women and an insult to the sacred institution of marriage. I have no issues with girls working in bars. I'm a happily married man myself and don't spend time in the bar scene, but the way I see it most are just trying to earn a living. I’m sure some human trafficking takes place, but I suspect most work there of their own free will and that’s therefore their own decision. Not sure I feel the same about the owners of the bars, but I’m talking about the girls themselves. We have clients who can, do and will meet girls in bars and they will hit it off and form relationships. But they will do so of their own free will, as will the ladies they meet. No manipulation, exploitation or profiteering. Everyone is free to choose whom they fall in love with and whom they marry. It’s a small world these days, and that means couples meet online and they get to know each other, and relationships sometimes develop. In some cases couples form relationships when they had no intention of this ever happening. And that’s the way the world works nowadays.  

Treating Filipinos with respect

This is a country where respect matters a great deal. Filipinos are generally shy and unassuming, and are generally always willing to help others. Kindness is seen everywhere, and you see very little arrogance or outward shows of pride. Most people you meet in the Philippines will show you a high level of respect, and showing a lack of respect to anybody is quite shocking to Filipinos. In return, they have very little tolerance to arrogant displays of disrespect toward themselves or toward other Filipinos. Meet a Filipina lady, fall in love with her and treat her with kindness and respect. The law will have no problems with you, nor will you encounter objections from locals at you marrying their countryfolk, as long as the love and respect is there. Add in some exploitation and make marriage into a travesty, and it becomes a different matter. The law is a very good law.    

The following article Anti Mail Order Bride Laws in Philippines was first published to Filipina Wives Blog

How to treat your Australian man

  There is an expression that goes around saying that “When you marry a Filipina, you marry the whole family”. I cringe a bit at the expression, because it’s something used by that very passive Australian man who accepts everything that comes from his new Filipino family without ever arguing. I think that everyone who knows me knows that I love the Philippines and Filipino people, otherwise why would I live here? And I try as much as I can to treat my Filipino family with kindness and respect, however it is a two-way street. I'm very patient and understanding, but only up to a point! Respect and understanding must flow both ways, or it ends badly.    

  But yes, if you do marry a Filipina, her family will play a part in both your lives because Filipinos are generally close to their family and their family members are rarely in the background. But this article is for the purposes of trying to help Filipinas AND their families to learn and to also adjust to the inevitable changes. Just as your family will be in his life, he will be in your life and their lives too. And as your husband, they need to understand and accept that their dealings with you are also dealings with him. And out of kindness and respect, you AND your Filipino family need to understand some important things about Australian men.  

Australians want to be accepted

Australians are egalitarian by nature. It means we treat everyone as an equal, and want to be treated the same. The kindest thing you can do is to treat him as a member of the family, and not as someone different. Filipinos use the word “foreigner”. In Australia, this is an insulting word because it says that this person does not belong. If you have a piece of glass or a splinter in your foot, it is a “foreign body” that you want to remove. Call an Australian a “foreigner” and treat him as one, as this is how you make him feel.   Let me explain some of the things over the years that have made me feel unwelcome • Filipinos who CAN speak English, speaking in Tagalog or their own dialect in front of me. • Filipinos avoiding talking to me, or being near me, or even greeting me when they visit, and claiming that they “feel shy”. If you value the feelings of the Australian family member, you should make a strong effort to get over your shyness. Shyness is often just laziness. • Answering my questions by speaking to my wife or another Filipino instead, because it’s easier for them. Also not discussing things with me that directly affect me. • I get very little of this one, because I have a very loyal wife. But I know it happens where family members try to persuade the Filipina wife to do things (especially regarding money) without discussing it with the Australian husband.   My relatives are basically a good and decent lot, and we fortunately have few of the ones who constantly have their hands out for money. And most of those attempts fail, because Mila is a tough  character. And they will do anything for us, and definitely never forget their utang. But yes, I felt like a foreigner when I first arrived on their doorstep many years ago, and I still do. I will tell you what I particularly love about Filipino children here. They see me as who I am and barely notice racial or cultural differences. I have adult family members who know nothing about me, regardless of how many years I’ve been around. I have one brother-in-law and his wife who treat me as their brother, and this means so much to me. And the kids get me very easily. But I also have relatives who will visit us, arriving and leaving via our back gate, and they can be here for several days without me even knowing they are here. I’ve since taken charge of the key to the back gate and made it clear that if they don’t have the good manners to arrive via my front door, to look me in the eye and to shake my hand (the men, that is), then I don’t want them coming here. They would never do that at a Filipino’s house. Shyness is no excuse for bad manners and a lack of respect.  

Filipinos? How to treat an Australian in-law

This is for Filipino wives and family members • Treat him like a human being, and not as a foreigner. And get to know him and who he actually is! You may even make a true friend! • Remember that despite his skin colour, his preference for English, his funny accent and his different customs, this is still your new in-law. He married your daughter/sister/niece. Give him the acceptance that is his right. • Wives? Your loyalty and your duty is to your husband and new family first. Don’t allow any relative to try to undermine that, and shame on any relatives who do anything that will weaken their marriage! • Speak English! There is nothing that excludes and isolates somebody like speaking in a language that they do not understand. Even if your English is poor, show some respect! No Australian will ever laugh at your poor English skills, which will always be better than his Tagalog skills! He knows this too. The brother-in-law I mentioned? He has just average English skills, especially now that he lives in Spain. But he will still sit next to me, and he will always greet me with a hug. • Wives? Your husband is not balato* for your family to share in. Keep money out of it, or it will go sour very quickly. Speaking for myself, I’m generous when it comes to welcoming guests (if they don’t arrive at the back gate!) and I’ve been very forthcoming when genuine emergencies happen. With the kids, we are especially generous and kind. But I find attempts to take advantage of us very hurtful when it comes from those who should be family. • And don’t judge him according to Filipino standards. Something he does may be bad manners by Filipino standards, yet perfectly normal for an Australian. Be assured that this works both ways, and hopefully he is also trying to understand Filipino differences without judging. Try to look for the intention behind the action or behavior. Are his intentions good? If so, let it go! (*“Balato” is a Filipino tradition of sharing winnings and good fortune with handouts to other family members)   Try it! Your lives will be much smoother and everyone will get fair treatment. I'm sure you all want this.    

The following blog post How to treat your Australian man wasRead more at: Filipina Wives Marriage Advice Blog

Differences between Philippines and Australia – Part 2

  Hello all. Something a bit different once again, just like last week. And it's still not easy to get a clear perspective on the real differences between life in Australia and life in Philippines. This time it's about moving from Australia to Philippines. Most of us haven’t really experienced the depths of both societies, having just visited and often been romantically involved rather than practically involved. I’ve been visiting since the ‘90’s, and have been here full time for over 6 years at this particular time, and life is ever-practical for the Harvies. I live in a nice estate surrounded by English-speakers. I never go to the markets and I don’t ride in tricycles. I’m no doubt a better-qualified observer than most, but my daughter Remy has been out and about in Filipino society more than this white fellah has.  

Moving from Australia to Philippines again

My daughter Remy came to Australia when she was 9 year old. She attended primary school and high school in QLD for 4 ½ years. She was off the plane and into a classroom with Aussie kids within a matter days, and had to learn to cope with a whole lot of differences. And then we moved back here when she just turned 13. Two things in this series. Last week I interviewed her (Remy) on camera about the move to Australia from Philippines. You can watch the video HERE. Second? The second video will be about moving back here to the Philippines  from Australia as we did when she was 13 years old. Yes, we all bundled up and moved here in 2010, and have been here ever since. Those who’ve dealt with Registered Migration Agents Down Under Visa would know this already. Remy, after being in an Australian home and family and attending Australian schools, went back with us and was back in school in the Philippines and had to re-adjust all over again. This gives her a very unique perspective on Filipino life through Aussie-fied eyes. So please watch the video, as I won’t be transcribing it all here.   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATFFVvfY--g   I think the lesson for all here is that family is what matters. Being in Australia or being in Philippines, as long as your basic needs are met, shouldn't really matter as long as you are with those that you love. You might love Australia or the Philippines very much, but as long as you are with those who love you and whom you love, it doesn't really matter. This applies whether it's a child or a fiancee or wife or de facto partner. You should be together. That's how the world works. Hope you enjoyed the video, and most of all I hope you enjoy and appreciate being with those that you love. And if you're still working on this? Stop worrying. Work on being together, and you will be fine!    

The following article Differences between Philippines and Australia – Part 2 wasis republished from Jeff Harvie of Down Under Visa

Differences between Australia and Philippines

Hello all. Something a bit different today. Not always easy to get a clear perspective on the real differences between life in Australia and life in the Philippines. Most of us haven’t really experienced the depths of both societies. I’ve been visiting since the ‘90’s, and have been here full time for over 6 years at this particular time. But I live in a nice estate surrounded by English-speakers. I never wander through the markets and I don’t ride in tricycles these days, because I prefer my comfort. The novelty wears off! I’m no doubt a better-qualified observer than most, but I thought it might be interesting to get some different insights.    

Moving from Philippines to Australia

My daughter Remy came to Australia when she was 9 year old. She attended primary school and high school in QLD for 4 ½ years. She was off the plane and into a classroom with Aussie kids within a matter  days, and had to learn to cope with a whole lot of differences. I’m going to do two things. First? I’m going to interview her (Remy) on camera, and I’m going to ask her some questions about her experiences with moving to Australia and how she coped with various drastic changes and cross-cultural issues as a Filipina in Australia. The first video will be about the move to Australia from Philippines. Second? The second video will be about moving back here to the Philippines as we did when she was 13 years old. Yes, we all bundled up and moved here in 2010, and have been here ever since. Those who've dealt with Registered Migration Agents Down Under Visa would know this already. Remy, after being in an Australian home and family and attending Australian schools, went back with us and was back in school in the Philippines and had to re-adjust all over again. This gives her a very unique perspective on Filipino life through I think I could say Aussie-fied eyes. So please watch the video, as I won’t be transcribing it all here.    

Conclusion

Hope you all enjoyed. I hope it gave you a different view on the differences between life in Australia and life in the Philippines, and I hope it helps you to understand the transitions your Filipina wife (fiancée, partner, girlfriend) will go through when she makes that quantum leap from a Filipino life to an Australian life when she migrates to Australia from Philippines. And I hope it also gives some insight into the effect on Filipino children when they migrate to Australia with their mum as part of the partner visa application.    

The following blog post Differences between Australia and Philippines was originally published to Filipina Wives Blog